you wanted answers

Matt: If you HAD to eat at one fast food restaurant and ONLY one fast food restaurant for the rest of your time here on earth… which fast food restaurant would you eat at?

Does Pizza Hut count?  Yes.  Yes, I think it does.

It’s not because they have the best food.  Obviously. But when I was in college, a Pizza Hut in the city had an all you can eat Friday lunch thing.  And since we were all business and arts students, we never had Friday classes.  We’d all crawl out of bed, drive to the restaurant and gorge ourselves for hours.  When we were done, our table looked like the first ten minutes of Saving Private Ryan.  (I… don’t know what that means.)

I also had a crush on the waitress we seemed to get every week.   But when I met up with her in a bar, in her normal clothes and not her uniform, I wasn’t feeling it.

That was a terrible answer.  Sorry, dude.

sid: What do you consider your greatest achievement to date?

Wow.  I think I’m a pretty good uncle.  I’m very proud of that.

Do you have any regrets?

I have some.  Most things that I regret happening/not happening were out of my control.  But there are a few that I REALLY dropped the ball on.

This would be a much better answer if I actually told you what they were, eh?

If you had to pick one thing that you absolutely love about your home town what would it be?

That I just have to turn my head *like this* and I am staring out over a gorgeous harbour, complete with a lighthouse and all.

Favourite book of all time … other than your novella?

I love MacBeth.

Worst date ever?

Only one comes to mind.  I blogged about it ages ago.

Alexa: when you win a golden globe for best comedic screenplay (sorry, but romantic comedies don’t normally win oscars), will you thank your blogger friends?

Those that read the novella.  *looks around*

Seriously though, I would never have written the novella if I didn’t have the blog.  The opening of the novella is a short story I wrote for here originally.  And I wouldn’t have the blog if my blogger friends weren’t reading and commenting.

So, yes, I would like to thank all the little people.

Amanda: What is the day/month of your birthday?

November 18th.  Send presents!

When and how did you know you wanted to write?

I think I always knew I wanted to write.  I loved creating little worlds and making people do what I told them.  (So it was either be a writer or a dictator.)

I wrote a lot as a kid, but stopped when I was around 14.  Then I chased women full-time for a decade.  Then I started writing again.  Often about chasing women.

Lucky Charms, or Count Chocula? Both offer marshmallowy goodness, but personally I am a fan of vampires – and chocolate.

I don’t eat either anymore.  But I would lean towards the cocoa bloodsuckers too.

Or, you know, whichever one had the better prize.

Name a completely awful band that you used to LOVE.

I couldn’t think of an answer, so I consulted with She Who Knows Me Best.

Peter: can you think of a terrible band that i love/loved in the past?

SWKMB: what’s the band that does the pina colada song

Peter: Rupert Holmes

SWKMB: D lite

Peter: Starland Vocal Band sings Afternoon Delight.
Deee-Lite is AWESOME!
crazy woman

SWKMB: uh huh

Peter: [her name]…

SWKMB: lisa loeb?
as evidence i present these lyrics
“no no no baaaaad”

Peter: what did i ever see in you?

SWKMB: ok i gotta go to work
i did Stay in karaoke btw!
last night!

That all, of course, doesn’t really answer the question.  But it did allow me to bust on her publicly for karaoke-ing a song she mocks.

Brandy: 1. What are three books you wish you would have written?

Breakfast of Champions

Old Man and the Sea

Lord of the Rings  (Quiet, you.)

2. Hybrids or limos?

Hybrid.  Ford Escape.  If it was good enough for Obama, it’s good enough for me.

3. Describe the perfect day.

Wake up and get ACN cuddles.

Hang out with ACN while soccer match plays on big TV in the room.  (Liverpool kicking Man U’s ass.)

Write (something I am happy with) for two hours.

Hang out with ACN (and the rest of my family) some more.

Get ACN kisses while she is cuddled in her bed for the night.

Hang out with a prrretty girl on my bed watching old West Wings.

4. What causes you uncontrollable, fist shaking, lip quivering rage?

Hmmm.  That very, very, very rarely ever happens.  I suppose crossing my family or friends would do it.  Or continuing to annoy me when I’m in a bad mood.

5. If you were stuck in an elevator for 11 hours, who would you pick to be stuck with you?

I got stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes once.   It was with 10 drunk guys.  I would not choose any of those guys.

If I pick Lauren Graham, you’ll have something to say about that.

Hmmmm.

I really feel like I’d enjoy Anne Hathaway.

Besides, her last boyfriend was a Eurotrash con man, so I think I’d have a shot.

6. Favourite fruit?

Apple!  Golden Delicious.   (Not just clever marketing, they really are.)

7. One night with Ainsley or Amy. Who do you pick? Remember, I will judge you on this answer. I will judge harshly.

Oh, I know you’ll be wearing your judgey pants for this one.

One night only?

I would go with Amy.  While I think Ainsley is AWESOME, Amy is feistier.  More passionate.

For a more long-term thing, I’d go with Ainsley.  Though I suspect that after a couple of weeks, her Republican-ness would start annoying me and her adorableness would stop making up for it.

Also, I spent too much time thinking about this.

8. If you could commit one crime without ever getting caught, what crime would you commit?

I’d steal an assload of money from some big evil corporation.  Then I would spread it out to my family and friends so that we’d never have to think about bills or costs again.

And I’d buy NBC and fix it.

9. What’s one thing you spend too much money on?

Satellite TV.

10. Who would you like to switch spots with for one day?

I honestly can’t think of anyone.

It might be interesting to spend a day as Aaron Sorkin to see how his mind works.

LiLu: What blows YOUR skirt up?

Bangkok hookers.  Usually.

Busty Satan: If you could only wear one baseball cap for the rest of your life, which one would it be?

Interesting.  I am really enjoying my current baseball cap.  (Blue Phillies cap with white “P” on the front.) But sometimes I feel like wearing a different colour cap.   Hmmm.  This is a thinker.

Something shitty happens, so you reach for a dusty glass, wipe it off like the manly man you are, and crack open a bottle of…what?

Water.

Why are otters so cute?

It’s all part of their evil plans.

VERY evil plans.

Here’s the thing:

They are plotting a takeover.  Of the world.

They know that politics is a cyclical racket, and that liberals are on top right now.  (In the US anyway.)  But once conservatism starts coming back around, they’ll make their move.

You see, otters are Republicans.  (I think it is because they have deep concerns about the size of government, but I’ve never asked.)

So don’t let their cuteness fool you.  They are plotting against you.

With Meghan McCain.

What’s your all-time favorite ACN moment?

Oh.  SO many.

The first time I saw her.  The first time I held her.  The first time I held her outside of the hospital.  The first time she fell asleep on me.  The first time she kissed me on the cheek.  The first time she said “Unc!” Every single time she smiles.

Speaking of the ACN! She sent me a cute e-mail yesterday.  Well, actually she had been working on her journal, so she just sent me her entry. Still counts!  The day before, her EA asked if she wanted to send me a letter and she shook her head “No.”  The little poop.

sid: online dating service told you that you’re only allowed to use 5 words to describe yourself … what are the 5 words you would choose.

megalomaniacal
ridiculous
impertinent
splendiferous
monosyllabic

krysta: If challenged, how many boxes of cereal could you eat in a sitting? Like out of a bowl with milk. Although the amount and kind of milk is up to you.  And while we’re on the topic, which cereal?

I would eat organic corn flakes. But the real question isn’t how many boxes I could eat, rather how much of a mess I’ll make because I fill my bowl to overflowing at the counter before carrying it to the table.  EVERY time.

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  1. shine says:

    I always knew there was something about otters.

  2. Beth says:

    Those 5 words you’d use to describe yourself would definitely prompt a message from me if I saw it on a dating site. If someone is trying to take over the world, you want to be with them rather than against them.

    For the very same reason, I am spending time practicing swimming on my back with a pebble on my chest cracking open clams. I don’t agree with their politices, but my god have you seen their teeth!?!

  3. tia says:

    i would never use “monosyllabic” to describe you.

    NEVER.

  4. Maddy says:

    Who starts with a w, so i’m trying to work out a new acronym…

  5. Janet says:

    Oh, I’m not ashamed at all about loving the song “Afternoon Delight.” It’s brilliant. Such a filthy dirty song, that sounds so pure and sweet.

  6. brandy says:

    1. You would use the word ‘ridiculous’ to describe you know?? After all the complaining you did before about that word?

    2. Ainsley long term? I feel like I hardly know you.

    3. About Alexa’s question… I better get a shout out. It would be awkward if I didn’t. You definitely wouldn’t have a ride home from the awards show if you skipped thanking me for my greatness.

    4. Lucky Charms are so much better.

    5. I like Macbeth too.

  7. brandy says:

    I feel like that wasn’t particularly lovely or delicious in terms of comments go, please forgive me?

  8. Sediqa says:

    A little boy just told my 12 cousin that Man U sucks. I watched as she proceeded to beat up the little fucker :)

    Also you’re right about golden delicious.

  9. haleyfaye says:

    I love MacBeth, too.

    I just played Lady MacBeth this past summer.

    I love your blog. =] And your novella.

  10. I found your blog today and decided to read through your archives (because I am lazy and bored at work and it feels more like a Friday when it is actually only lunchtime Thursday and I clearly lack a strong work ethic) and you kind of remind me a lot of my boyfriend, especially the bit where your ex Jen mentioned patience as an essential quality when dating you three times.

    And now I find that you have the same birthday. I find this rather coincidental, so i follow it up with another question to those above which is, do you believe in horoscopes, starsigns etc.?

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