You asked. I answered. Whoooo!

Before I get to your questions, I have a cute ACN story.

When I called The ACN last night, her Mommy told me all about how excited The ACN got yesterday to select, and help pack up, a bunch of her toys to give to the Salvation Army. She loved the idea of giving toys to little boys and girls who didn’t have many toys.

Her Daddy went to drop the stuff off and ran into a buddy of his. His buddy has three kids, and they just lost everything in a house fire. The Daddy went home and told the Mommy and the ACN about this. They asked the ACN and she wanted to do more. She got SO excited to give more stuff, including a bunch of gift cards she got for Xmas.

She was still excited last night when I was asking her about it.

OK. The questions…

123valerie asked, “If you had to cut off either both of your arms OR your penis, which would you do?”

Well, that one is actually quite simple to answer. Since I am pretty confident that I could still operate my remote control with my penis, I would pick my arms. Plus, they grow back, right? Right?

Princess of the Universe wants to know if she can have Taye Diggs.

Uhm, sure. Fill your boots.

Mindy went all loco with questions…

1) I’ve lost my mojo too. Maybe it’s the weather?

These questions are supposed to be about me.

2) I tried to do this Q&A thing too, and everyone was like “yeah, we’ll totally ask you questions”, but I have gotten zero questions. WTF?!

Seriously. Don’t you have your own damn blog?

3) Would you rather eat a pound of raw bacon or drink a cup of your own urine, and why?

Are you kidding me? I’d rather eat a pound of raw bacon than drink tomato juice. Raw bacon looks awesome. Smells all mapley. And you get that satisfying feeling of peeling off one strip at a time. This one is no contest.

Michelle was wondering, “if you could go back in time what year would you go back to, why, and what would you do?”

The year: 1960.
What I would do: Angie Dickinson.

You would not believe how much time I spent debating between that reply and “1964. Bewitched’s Elizabeth Montgomery.” Seriously. Way too long.

Katie asked, “If a movie was made about your life, who would you want to play you? Why?”

Good one! I would have to say Vince Vaughan. Same height. Sadly, similar foreheads. (Though his is bigger!) And I think he could capture the essence of my innate sense of whimsy, combined with a touch of crankiness and impatience.

Airam wanted to know, “When are you going to do another youtube video?”

I am actually thinking about doing another one soon. Mostly because blogging is boring the hell out of me lately. The videos are usually spur of the moment decisions and based, at least a little, on being too lazy to type that day.

The last time I did one, some creepy chick e-mailed me to ask me to do my next one shirtless. That pretty much turned me off the entire process. I could barely make the video and send it to her.

I’m kidding.

As far as you know.

tiff sneakily tried to out me with, “So if romancing Taye Diggs isn’t up your alley, what male actor wouldn’t you mind romancing? In a totally hetero-way of course?”

It is a little disconcerting that I came up with this answer so quickly. Josh Duhamel. That dude is pretty.

Mel got greedy and asked two questions:

1) So which product can you not live without?

DVR. Seriously. How did we watch TV before them? We were practically Amish.

2) If you didn’t live in Canada, where in the United States would you live and why?

OK. This is the question that I gave the most thought too.

I started with a large list of American cities. I looked at average temperatures and precipitation. I looked at the number of disasters (natural and otherwise) over the past century. I looked at employment stats. I looked at housing costs. I looked at the number of professional and major college sports teams I could watch live in the area. I made lists and charts and graphs.

And then I said, “Fuck it. Charleston, South Carolina.”

Hot women with amaaaaaazing accents.

jenbun1 wants to know, “If you had to pick a song as a “theme song” for your life, what would it be?”

I think about this quite often. No, really. And even though it represents a level of badassnicity that exists only in my head…

lateformyfuneral wonders, “If you could take credit for someone else’s blog, which one and why?”

Ooooh. Intriguing. But, it is more about individual posts with me.

Clink sometimes will write a post that makes me say, “YES! Exactly!” Out loud. And then I’ll e-mail her with “YES! Exactly!” I’m creative like that.

It is awesome when Molly writes with such love about her family. You feel it.

Meg makes me laugh out loud two or three times per post. I don’t laugh out loud often. (And following her blog by reading Mindy and Jamelah is sure to improve your mood.)

Hellafied can take a “simple” emotion and write about it in a way that gives it such depth and life that you wonder if you’ve ever felt it that strongly.

sidewaysrain writes posts about visiting various places on the globe that somehow make you feel like you are both part of the scene, as well as sitting back and taking it in. It’s a gift.

I could go on and on about how all of you write certain types of posts that affect me in some way. But, I am very, very lazy. And this post is getting long. Don’t be offended if I didn’t mention you!

Crap. I feel guilty now.

brazilian girls asked a whole mess of questions:

1) if were to sleep with one famous celebrity lesbian, who would it be?

Hmmm. I can’t really think of any hot celeb lesbians. If I tell you that Eva Mendes is a lesbian, will you believe me? Because I’d throw you all down a flight of stairs just to get to hold her hand.

2) if you were to magically become a Simpsons character for a day, which one would it be?

Disco Stu. ALWAYS Disco Stu.

3) would you ever pierce your nipples?

Definitely not. Not a fan. On anyone. Ever. Plus, my ears (back in tha day) were enough.

4) favourite politician. must pick one. can be anyone in world.

Ever? Pierre Trudeau.

Fictional? Jed Bartlett.

Living? Probably Obama.

5) what did you want to be when you grew up, when you were a kid? have you ever thought about heaving everything now, for that? or are you doing it?

I wanted to be a writer when I was a kid. If it had been “writer of a half-assed blog,” I’d be living the dream right now!

6) favourite Breakfast Club character and why.

Ferris Bueller.

tia the explorer is wondering “is there really a town of avonlea?”

There is!

Steph asking about sex? I am shocked. SHOCKED! “What is your number 1 sexual turn off?”

A penis.

mr. ska also had a similar wondering, “What singular turn-off about future wife do you consider “fixable”, and why?

I think it would be cheering for the wrong sports teams. (Such as the New England Patriots or NewYork Knicks.) It would be very disturbing at first. It really would. But, I think I could bring her over to the side of good. Whispering “The Colts are goooood!” in her ear while she sleeps. Or dropping hints about how “Jimmy Choo is a big Toronto Raptors fan.”

On the other hand, she could just put on a Patriots apron and I’d be all types of screwed.

And there you have it. You know so much more about me now. In some countries, we’d be married. Thank crap we don’t live in those countries, eh?

Rock on.

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No Responses

  1. blogging says:

    i AM offended.

    …but i’m sure i will get over it promptly and still drunk gmailchat you.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Does Bueller count as a Breakfast Club character?

    Esse

  3. each of the two says:

    firstly: when are ANC stories NOT cute?

    secondly: tears, real tears, that child IS a gift.

  4. lspoon says:

    I think a lot of your female readers are planning a kidnapping trip…that kid is ridiculously cute and so well raised! I know you had a hand in that so kudos Peter!

  5. sween says:

    “if you could go back in time what year would you go back to, why, and what would you do?”

    Took me no time at all.

    1964. Ann-Margaret.

  6. Michelle and the City says:

    i asked WHAT not WHO you would do. sneaky peter, very sneaky ;)

    and i liked your answer to your #1 sexual turn off. very amusing.

  7. Clink says:

    Um, Vince Vaughan circa Swingers right? Not current Vince Vaughan. Way too bloated.

    And my celebrity lesbian would totally be Jackie from Work Out.

    I don’t know why I felt the need to put that out there, but I did.

  8. Amy says:

    Go Patriots!

  9. mindy says:

    Turned off by penises? That’s not what you told me!

  10. tiff says:

    you know you could’ve saved this and made it like a series of posts… at least like 6 or 8 of them. Jeez, I’m still scrolling.

  11. jamelah says:

    Oooh I got name-checked. It’s because I so often mention my boobs, isn’t it?

  12. Peter says:

    blogging barbie: But, will you need to get drunk BECAUSE I offended you so badly?

    each of two: Good point. ALWAYS cute!

    esse: I am not big on following rules, so I bent ’em a little.

    lspoon: I’ve now taken to claiming that she gets her height AND cuteness from me.

    sween: Good call, sir. Good call.

    michelle: If I was answering WHAT, I probably would have said, “Everything. And well!” I’m a scamp like that.

    clink: I had to google her. I now see your point.

    amy: …

    mindy: Your penis is special.

    tiff: Why are you complaining when you should be basking in the glow of my blog post? Basking!

    jamelah: That certainly doesn’t hurt. In general.

  13. Rachel says:

    I only have one thing to say!
    Disco Stu!!!

    Really!!!

    Disco Stu??? Why??? I don’t understand!!!!
    everything else… ok…

    oh and would you really throw me down a flight of stairs to get to Eva? i thought we were friends?? :(

  14. JenBun says:

    First, you are a goof. But that’s why we like you!

    Second, if you are Vince Vaughn… oh baby! (current or Swingers-era)

    Third, good song choice. I also enjoyed your usage of the term “badassnicity.” Now I have to stop saying that Canada never gave us anything. (not that I would ever say such a thing!)

  15. Susie says:

    HA! You could never turn a Patriots fan into a Colts fan. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. You know YOU’RE the one who would end up converting!

  16. Tia says:

    i completely agree with you about the DVR. whoever invented it should be crowned king of the world.

  17. srah says:

    “Bewitched’s” is hard to pronounce, even in my mind.

  18. libby says:

    HAHAHA jimmy choo is a raptors fan.

    love it. this post was great!! sexual turnoff…”what you’d do”…

  19. The Stormin Mormon says:

    Great post Pete…

    I have to say that’s the one thing about the M.V.N. that I can’t stand.

    She hates Peyton Manning enough to want the Colts to lose. This stems from a hatred of Archie Manning and the Saints in general… Yes, the woman may possibly know to much about football.

  20. Steph says:

    Meh! You lost me after you didn’t want to claim my blog. *smack*

    Ok, I’m kidding……..sorta…almost……maybe.

  21. Airam says:

    BTW, thanks for the shirtless video … I watch it every night.

    :)

  22. Mel says:

    I want a copy of that shirtless video!

    If I was batting for the other team I would throw you down the stairs for Eva Mendez too.

  23. skinny says:

    “Jimmy Choo is a big Toronto Raptors fan.”….. hahaha good one.

  24. Hellafied says:

    I’ve been MIA for a while and then I come back to reading and find a shout out for me!

    Peter, you made my day. Thanks for getting me.

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