I gots it.
And it sucks.
The week nanowrimo starts, my muse is chillin’ on vacation someplace.
So far, in two days, I have 3000 words. Almost 400 off pace. But, hopefully later today/this evening I can go on another writing spurt.
I should also say that in that 3000, there is a lot of stuff I had written previously for another novel idea.
So, even with cheating, I can’t keep up.
I started blogging a while back so that I could try to learn to stop censoring myself. And, for the most part, I think it has been fairly successful. I am happy about that.
However, I used to be much more prolific. A couple of years back, I used to be able to sit down for a few hours and really churn out a LOT of pages. And much of it was stuff that I thought was pretty strong.
I’m not sure what has changed.
I tried using an outline. But, writing the outline seemed to drain me of the “need” to tell the story.
I am actually trying to wing it completely with the nanowrimo novel. And it feels weeeeeird. And not weird like the first time you wake up in a strange land with a Thai hooker in your bed, I mean REALLY weird. (I totally should give Lawan a call sometime.)
I have no idea what any of my characters are going to do next.
I am not sure that I like what they’ve already done.
And I am already finding myself thinking too much about what people will think of it.
That is a big part of my problem.
I have yet to figure out how to just let shit fly, like I am starting to be able to do here at PDDC. Heck, I considered doing a vlog this morning of me doing a karaoke version of “With or Without You.” You all so dodged a bullet.
I am going to work on just sitting here and writing the novel. Word by word. Page by page.
But, my inner critic is loud lately. And it kind of sounds like Megan Mullally, for some reason.
I think I may try to do a mini-outline for the novel. Just something very basic. You’ve read my stuff, you know that I should never be allowed to meander too much.
Or maybe I just need a new muse.
One that supports, but at the same time inspires just by being there.
One that subtlely lets you know when you need to work harder, but makes you feel like there is absolutely no doubt that you can do it. That you can do anything.
A muse that doesn’t judge.
A muse that makes you feel bigger… more capable.
A muse that makes you feel safe to write anything. Safe to tap into any emotion.
Safe to share.
Yeah, I need a muse like that.
If you happen to run into one, drop me an e-mail.