Woman waiting for train…

“Is that guy looking at me? I think he’s looking at me. Any pretty women beside me? Nope… and nope! Awww. He won’t hold eye contact. SO adorable. Pretend you are reading… that’s it. What are you reading? The Wall Street Journal? Meh. You are lucky you are super cute, buddy. And I am lucky that I wore my push-up bra today. Victoria, you may have your secrets, but I love you, ya dirty little whore. Oh… I wish I hadn’t eaten that breakfast burrito. I feel bloated. He is going to think I have a beer belly! OK. Simple fix… fall back into a gangsta lean… There we go. Hmmm. Cleavage still looks good. You are looking again. I seeeee you. Time to do my nose scrunch. Pretend I am reading my book… He’s still looking… And scrunch! I got him. Who doesn’t love a nose scrunch? Nobody, that’s who! Why is that? Did boys watch too many episodes of “Bewitched” as kids? Why am I thinking about this right now? He wants to stand up. You can do it. Don’t be shy. I am sooo glad that I spent the extra ten minutes on my hair this morning. Sure I’ll be late for work, but I look good, dammit. He’s standing up! I hope I don’t have lipstick on my teeth. Lean back… chest out… I have never felt more sexy!”

“Excuse me, miss. You have a tampon stuck to the bottom of your foot.”

“Hmm. He was TOTALLY checking out my shoes. Christian Louboutin, 4.5 inch heels, baby. Whoooooo!”

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  1. molly says:

    Hahahaha! I just bust out laughing. My boss probably thinks I’m crazy.

    And good choice on the shoes.

  2. sybil law says:

    That is just fricking hilarious!

  3. MissE says:

    Spill – you’re actually a girl, right?

    Or at least one of the Peter’s in your head is really a Peta…

  4. jazz says:

    this is fairly accurate actually.

    tone down the spaz just a bit and that might have been me…

  5. lfar says:

    ha. loved it.

  6. jamelah says:

    Hah. Perfect.

  7. Clink says:

    I’m thinking that you were secretly the inspiration for both that Mel Gibson movie where he could read the minds of women and that character on Heroes. The one who can read peoples minds.

    Yeah. I’m onto you.

  8. 123Valerie says:

    Peter, your insight in to the minds of women is uncanny. It’s the Scorpio in you.

    And thank you for using inches for us Umericans. I don’t think I could do the conversion this morning.

  9. Peter says:

    molly: meg (http://puritanjamshort.blogspot.com/) was the shoe adviser on this one. Though Jimmy Choos almost won out.

    sybil: Thanks! It all came from me wanting to talk about cute nose scrunching.

    misse: Checking… Nope. Not a girl. It is quite possible that one of the voices in my head is female. There are dozens of them up there. I think one is speaking Klingon. Might be latin though.

    jazz: I notice that you didn’t say anything about toning down the chest sticking outing though. Just sayin’.

    lisa: Thanks!

    jamelah: Being able to somewhat approximate the thoughts of women in a blog post has far fewer practical applications than you might think.

    clink: What… You want me to give you chocolate?

    123valerie: I thought the scorpio thing was what made me PURE EVIL.

  10. Slightly Disorganized says:

    How did I know that this would have a punchline like this.

    You. are. Rad.

  11. Ashley says:

    HAHAHA! That was so funny! Like Molly, my new roommate who just met me for only the 2nd time probably thinks i’m a little bit of the crazy.

    Pretty accurate though!!

  12. Cazzie!!! says:

    LMAO, worse than having loo paper stuck out the back of your skirt or jeans, I must say!!

  13. Steph says:

    Admit it. You were channeling me weren’t you??? hahahahaha!

  14. brandy says:

    Well done. Not only did you get into the minds of woman everywhere, you also did it while spelling difficult shoe names correctly. I bow to your genius.

  15. Matt DeBenedictis says:

    wonderfully fantastic.

  16. Airam says:

    Ha … the fact that the guy didn’t recoil in disgust at the fact that there was a tampon out in the open makes him good in my books.

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