Winnie Friggin' Cooper

For the second day in a row, I am going to start a blog post talking about a dream. Variety is for suckers.

Last night I dreamt that I was dating Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper from “The Wonder Years.)

You gotta love spring. My brain — and subconscious apparently — are a little bit fixated on pretty girls. It reminds me of being fourteen.

And of last year at this time.

Things seemed to be going well with Danica. Not sure if she bought me a baseball cap or anything, but whatever… We were at some kind of party. Then things started getting strange. As in many of my dreams, people were morphing into other people constantly. And —

Wait. Are you thinking that things were already strange when I said that I was dating Danica McKellar? You don’t think that I could get Danica McKellar?!


And why not? We are both just people. She puts her pants on one leg at a time. I put my pants on one leg at a time. She is some kind of math genius with a theorem named after her. And I… can count pretty high.

I could so get her.

Don’t you doubt me. I’ll e-mail her right now!!

I love the fact that, in about six months, someone is going to google “Winnie Cooper dream” and stumble into this post.

Lately I’ve been paying more attention to where my site visitors are coming from. If I really wanted to get more traffic, I’d have made up a part about us getting a puppy and naming it “Lindsay Lohan nipple slip.”

Which, I think you’ll agree, is a bit of a cumbersome name.

Maybe just call it “Lindsay Lohan’s nipple.” Then I could say stuff like:

“I woke up with Lindsay Lohan’s nipple in my face again.”

“Lindsay Lohan’s nipple got loose last night.”


“Lindsay Lohan’s nipple tried to hump my leg.”

OK, maybe the last one doesn’t work.


Mentioning Lindsay Lohan’s nipple would get me lots of perv traffic. And traffic is traffic. But, what if I wanted to bring in a geekier sort of visitor?

Well, then Danica and I, at that weird party, would have been discussing the fact that, on Star Trek, the crew of the Enterprise under Captain Kirk was 430 people, but under Jean Luc Picard it was 1012.

I’m assuming that is because Kirk needed all the extra cabins for shtooping alien chicks. Now I’m all for exotic-looking women, but there are limits.

I guess I’ve just never looked good in green.

Still a more appealing option than Lindsay Lohan however.

I guess now I just hit “publish” and wait for the geeks and pervs to come wandering in.

Hmmm. You’re reading this, aren’t you? Interesting. Don’t worry, I’m not going to judge.

*cough* Sicko. *cough*

0 thoughts on “Winnie Friggin' Cooper

  1. You could also tell your friends that you have to take Lindsay Lohan’s nipple for a walk or that you taught Lindsay Lohan’s nipple some tricks or that you hit Lindsay Lohan’s nipple with a newspaper for ruining the neighbor’s flowers.

    You should blog about the GG finale. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.

  2. Hey, I’m a pervy geek!

    Which, of course, is even better than just being a perv or a geek. I get the best qualities of both.

  3. My uncle named his dog “that fucking bitch”. For real. As in “that fucking bitch got loose again” or “I trained that fucking bitch really well”. Reactions were often confused/disgusted.
    I nerdily (is that even an adverb?) named my dog Willa Cather, so I’m often in the bushes in my backyard looking for Willa Cather. Strange enough.

  4. sara: I think that I am still in denial about the GG thing. It will really hit me in the fall when I should be getting weekly doses of fresh Lauren Graham, but it just doesn’t happen.

    wendy: Damn straight! If you were also “lonely,” it would be the perfect storm of internet usage. ;)

    caity: ha! I feel like I’d get along with this uncle. And only the fellow nerdy would recognize the name Willa Carther and they (we) would be in no position to judge.

    wendy: Dorky men of the world appreciate that.

    dawn: I don’t think you should feel embarrassed at all… At least your not the one blogging and dreaming about her.

  5. if i’m here by way of mist does that qualify me for the pervs section? ;-)

    holy cow, yet another guy who watches gg. i’ve never seen it and now that it’s ending i keep running across men who watch the show. do any women watch it or is it secretly for guys?

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