Why You’re Single

You’re single because you’re kind of a dick.

You’re single because you stubbornly believe that dress looks good.

You’re single because you think “I’m blunt” and “I just say what I think” excuses you for being a bitch.

You’re single because you’re more bothered that I called you a bitch than you are by being one.

You’re single because you’re a work in progress. (Pssst. We all are.)

You’re single because you’re over 25 and brag about getting drunk.

You’re single because you want to be.

You’re single because you want to be and don’t know it.

You’re single because he/she isn’t.

You’re single because you mistakenly think you being single has anything to do with the size of your ass.

You’re single because you always put you first.

You’re single because you don’t think this list applies to you.

You’re single because no one has seen through the superficial bullshit and quirks to find out that you’re amazing.

Yet.

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9 Responses

  1. Candace says:

    Yup. How did you know?

  2. Peter DeWolf says:

    Ha. I’m smart like that.

  3. Lisa says:

    Hmmmm. Miraculously, you knew exaxtly how to say what I needed to hear. It’s all in the delivery. Thank you.

  4. Drea says:

    Great post, Peter. :) (Also Happy New Year!)

  5. Arielle says:

    I’m conflicted as to whether I’m offended by this or not – I’m unapologetic about the fact that many of those things describe me, which I suppose is the problem (both that they describe me and that I’m unapologetic about it). And then the end was nice and now I’m all confused. Blarg.

    • Peter DeWolf says:

      Ha. My advice is to not take it too literally. Or personally.

      It was basically written because I’ve had many conversations with single people who wondered why they were single. I guess my point is that there are many reasons. Some real. Some imagined. And who cares? You’ll be single until you’re not, you know?

      Plus at least four apply to me during my last long stretch of being single.

  6. Aaron says:

    Not sure, if any, that I relate to the most. Is this list even appropriate for guys? A few did sound eerily familiar.

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