Why The Fabulously Wealthy Almost Never Star In Porn Films…

File this one under “seemed funny in my head” as well as “this is post #181, they can’t all be gold, people.”

INT. YOUR TYPICAL GLORIOUS MANSION

Bitzy and Muffy share laughs over some tea and scones. Muffy’s husband Prescott enters…

Prescott: Ladies.

Muffy: Welcome back, ducky. Wherever have you been?

Prescott: I’m just returning from the stables. I have been riding Penelope for hours.

Bitzy: Didn’t you sell all of your horses last week?

Prescott: Yes, why do you ask?

Beat. Then much guffawing.

Prescott: Well, if you two will excuse me, my secretary is in my den with some papers for me to sign.

Prescott exits.

Bitzy: Now you must tell me about your romp with your tennis pro.

Muffy: Well, for starters, he is very well-mannered, but with a soupçon of scamp in him.

Bitzy: Oh ho ho. Muffy! You are terrible.

Muffy: He does this thing… with his tongue. My word!

Bitzy: Show me!

Muffy: You know I haven’t done that since boarding school! Oh get over here and let me lift up that Dolce & Gabanna Prince of Wales pleated skirt with Bordeaux satin lace slip.

Bitzy starts over when a man servant enters.

Man Servant: Ahem. Excuse me, madam. I have your 1982 Chateau Lafite.

Muffy: Wentworth, come in. I think we both need a good rogering.

Man Servant: Madam, I don’t know…

Muffy and Bitzy pull him down on the Piedmonte Recamier.

Man Servant: Ah… Indeed. Ohhhhhhhh good show!

Prescott enters and is aghast.

Prescott: You started without me?

Bitzy pulls him down on the floor.

Prescott: That’s a capital idea. Yes! More of — Bitzy Featherbottom! That is NOT where my monocle goes!

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4 Responses

  1. Steph says:

    Clearly, you should be writing porn. LOLZZ.

  2. Peter says:

    Steph: I know, right?!

  3. rampant bicycle says:

    *laughs* Ok, actually that is rather funny. ;)

    Hello from Michele’s and happy Friday.

  4. Peter says:

    rampant bicycle: Thanks so much! And thanks for dropping in.

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