You’ve all probably wondered , at one time or another, which of the “Golden Girls” I would sleep with, if pressed.
It’s only natural.
And I am about to tell you.
However, we should probably look at why I might have to do such a thing.
I suspect that the most likely series of events that would lead to such a “May-sometime the next February” romance would be if I was a rakish, and somewhat morally bankrupt, land developer working out of Florida.
I would get involved in something slightly illegal and get found out by one of the GGs. And, in order to get her to keep the secret, I’d have to use my manly wiles.
Yes, I have wiles!!!
So, that answers why.
As for who, let’s look at each one of the ladies individually.
Pros: Little and cute. Tells interesting stories, most beginning with “Picture it. Sicily, 1931.”
Cons: 137 years old. I’m off Sicilian women.
Pros: Enjoyably sarcastic.
Cons: Could break me in half and consume my very essence.
Pros: Sexy. NOT slutty, she’s just misunderstood.
Cons: A little too overt with her sexuality for my liking. Plus, very likely rife with the herpes.
Which leaves us with my choice…
Pros: Kind. Gives off a compelling sense of loss and sadness. Underrated sexiness.
Cons: All the money I’d spend on earplugs.
Now, you know my choice. But, how would it all happen, I wonder…
Perhaps an afternoon picnic. A secluded wilderness area.
We’d finish our meals and then relax and stare up at the sky. Enjoying the juxtaposition of nearby fluffy cumulus clouds against the storm clouds moving in. Marveling at the colour of the sky around the clouds. That shade of blue that reminds you that you very definitely live on a planet.
Our eyes would meet.
And then all the sweet loving.
And when the magic was finished…
“Thank YOU for being a friend,” she’d say.
“Don’t mention it. You’ve clearly been down this road and back again.” I’d reply.