Where the fuck IS "the danger zone?"

As you may have heard, the U.S. Navy has retired the F-14 Tomcat.

I’m definitely not a military historian, but, dudes, this is the plane from TOP GUN!

And it’s now retired.

First of all, what if Navy pilots in the future have the need? You know, the need for speed.

Secondly… Damn. This makes me feel old.

That movie came out twenty years ago. Anthony Edwards still had hair. Meg Ryan still had likeability. And Tom Cruise still had a personality. It was a simpler time, my friends.

Speaking of simpler times, it has come to my attention that one of my high school (and a little bit after) girlfriends has been reading this blog for over a week. And could be reading it… right… now… She’s obviously a brave woman.

It is funny for me – and probably much less so for her – to remember what I was like as a boyfriend way back then. I thought that as long as I didn’t cheat, and called/visited regularly, that I deserved some kind of “super boyfriend award.” Possibly a cash prize. Definitely a trophy.


My criteria for picking potential girlfriends was also much less complex back in tha day. (Oh, that’s right, I wrote “tha.”) If she was cute, pleasant, had an aesthetically pleasing bum region, and didn’t make me want to throw myself out of a moving vehicle, I was pretty much sold.

It’s hard to believe I was ever so young.

These days I need all of those things… plus the (much mentioned) willingness to dress-up like Wonder Woman. (Yeah, I’m getting tired of that “joke” too.)

Also, I mostly gravitated towards short blondes in my youth, now it’s taller brunettes. It’s called evolving, people.

[Peter has just realized that he has completely lost his train of thought and is just going to wing the rest of this.]

I’d like to think that I’ve improved as a boyfriend with each relationship I’ve had. Experience, plus the wisdom that comes with aging, has taught me a great deal of things. In some ways it would be very noticible to anyone I dated back then. Other stuff is much more subtle.

Probably the biggest difference is my willingness to actually communicate now. To share those… What do you call them? Oh yeah, “feelings.”

I do think that not all women want as much communication as they claim to. Once some of that mystery is gone, things change for them. However, that deserves a blog post all it’s own.

So, yeah, I communicate now.

I also listen to what women say. Apparently when they talk, it is not just to show off how cute and sexy their lips look whilst talking.

Who knew?!

I’ve also learned that I am sometimes drawn to women with “Daddy issues” and that I like to play the “white knight.” Again, these are blog posts all their own.

I like to think that each girlfriend gets a better version of me than her predecessor. Of course, without the benefit of before and after experiences, it would be hard for them to understand that. Knowing me, I’ll probably just tell them.

“That’s pretty arrogant, considering the company you are in.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I like that in a pilot.”

What does all of this mean?

Well, basically my next girlfriend is going to be getting a better boyfriend than my last one did. Also, my earliest girlfriends had to suffer for the benefit of my more recent ones.

And the plane from TOP GUN has been retired.

Good bye, F-14 Tomcat. We hardly knew ye.

(Anyone who makes a “TomKat” joke in the comments gets beaten with a sack of oranges.)

[I don’t even want to re-read this one before hitting “Publish Post.” In my defence, it’s early on a Sunday morning.]

0 thoughts on “Where the fuck IS "the danger zone?"

  1. I think that to ensure your next girlfriend is getting a better boyfriend than your last one did, you should dress up in a navy fighter pilot uniform and serenade her with “You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling.” Although, this really hinges on your [singing] ability.

    PS – Isn’t the danger zone close to the Sydney Tar Ponds? Oui?

  2. I think the danger zone is where Tom Cruise’s career is headed right now – oh!

    I think the trick to a good relationship is to find a woman who accepts that men are really boys in bigger bodies. We still like juvenile humor, we’re still obsessed with boobies, and we still love when things blow up. Beyond that we might have some other redeeming values, but it’s really up to them to accept that it might take a little searching to find them.

    That’s not asking too much, is it?

  3. erika: My singing is so bad that I used to lipsynch during Xmas concerts.

    treespotter: The replacement jet doesn’t look nearly as bad ass.

    James: Boobies! Sorry… What were we talking about?

  4. I just feel badly for the “early girlfriends” who only had to meet a handful of criteria to qualify to be your girlfriend. It must be very affirming to the reading one to hear that she basically had to be breathing to gain your affection.

    “Top Gun” was my first date. In 8th grade. With my parents sitting in the same theater. The boy and I were so nervous during the hot, blue-lit, sex scene, I think we both quaked the entire time.

    In that respect, I haven’t grown a bit since then.

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