When Corporate Drones Break-up

Jack & Jill took a break from re-writing mission statements to have a power lunch and to discuss their relationship.

Jack: I think we should recontextualize our situation.

Jill: Agreed.

Jack: Excellent.

Jill: I tried to incentivize.

Jack: I appreciate the initiatives, if not the methodologies.

Jill: Did you not refer back to the schemas?

Jack: I did. I think the problem is that we differed on our views as to whether or not they were mission-critical.

Jill: I expected a convergence of solutions.

Jack: I expected more proactivity.

Jill: How is the new Blackberry treating you?

Jack: Excellent.

Jill: I think that I expected more of a frictionless transition, vis-a-vis our romantic paradigm.

Jack: I concur.

Jill: Are you satisfied with your ROI?

Jack: No. You?

Jill: No.

Jack: I am surprised by my own lack of functionality.

Jill: My hopes were for a robust, yet transparent, system.

Jack: Yes! With a synergistic partnership.

Jill: I’ve always seen myself as a bit of an envisioneer.

Jack: We’ve tried to optimize and revolutionize —

Jill: And we’ve tried to strategize and reinvent —

Jack: Exactly.

Jill: So, that is it?

Jack: That is it.

Beat.

Jack: At the end of the day, do you think it was our lack of a holistic approach that did us in.

Jill: Well, that and the fact that it was like pulling teeth to get you to go down on me.

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  1. Anonymous says:

    that’s some excellent corporate-speak my friend…

  2. Steph says:

    Hahahaha! It always comes down to the blow job.

  3. Peter says:

    Anonymous: Why, thank you.

    Steph: In a perfect world…

  4. Amy says:

    Jill needs to take “tennis lessons” from Muffy’s tennis pro. Or maybe she just needs to hang out with Muffy, Bitzy and Prescott for awhile. That would be a hoot!

  5. James Cooper says:

    *blinks*

    *scratches head*

    *remembers he’s a software monkey and that’s why business speak is alien to him*

    *digs the punchline anyway*

  6. Kukka-Maria says:

    You had me at ROI…
    you had me at ROI.

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