What If Ashley Replied To My Old Dating Questionnaire?
Back in 2009, when The Black Eyed Peas had a feeling, Taylor Swift sang that I belonged with her, and I was a single blogger, I wrote a dating questionnaire. It was silly. It was meant to be silly.
The idea was that people should come up with a questionnaire and have a potential date fill it out BEFORE the first date. If you don’t like the answers, you shake hands and part company. Brilliant, right? Ehhh.
1) The Stones or The Beatles?
Ashley: I grew up listening to The Beatles and I probably couldn’t name one song by The Stones, so…
Peter: Deduction… Didn’t I dropbox you a bunch of Stones songs when we started dating, ASHLEY?
Ashley: About that… I tried to listen to them. I really did. I’m just not a Stones kind of girl.
2) Toilet paper spools over the top or from the bottom?
Ashley: Top, obviously. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong.
Peter: Bonus points for being so adamant.
3) Betty or Veronica?
Ashley: Okay, I know they are from Archie comics, but I have no idea who they are, so I can’t accurately pick one. And I feel like I’m failing this test already. Sheesh.
4) Facial stubble on a dude: yay or nay?
Ashley: I like a little stubble now and then, but clean shaven is good too. I have lots of strong opinions about this.
Peter: And other things…
5) Are you completely opposed to Strip Hungry Hungry Hippos?
Ashley: That actually sounds awesome.
6) ’67 Mustang or ’67 Corvette?
7) You know how women have the Bridal March song thingy? How would you feel about your groom-to-be having his own theme song playing while he enters?
Peter: Before you decide…
8) What if it was Nazareth’s “Hair of the Dog?”
Ashley: I think that would prove to the guests just how lucky I am to be marrying him. I like guys with character.
9) And would him strutting down the aisle, dishing out winks and up-nods to the collected group of present-givers make it better or worse?
Ashley: Better, duh.
Peter: Thaaaaat’s right.
10) On men: Chucks or Adidas Gazelles? (Or Adidas Sambas?)
Ashley: Chucks. I don’t know what those other shoes are.
Peter: They are just the ones I wear EVERY DAY.
11) If you were in the shower right now, what song would you be singing?
Ashley: “22” by Taylor Swift. Don’t judge; it’s super catchy.
Peter: You sang it to me in a grocery store.
12) Did you think I was kidding about Strip Hungry Hungry Hippos?
Ashley: I hope not. (Totally not a stripper, promise.)
Peter: I wasn’t. (Deduction.) (Kidding!)
13) Manual or automatic?
Ashley: My car is an automatic. I don’t really have a strong preference in general, but I can’t drive manual, so yeah.
Peter: That kinda sounds like a preference.
14) Paper or Kindle?
Ashley: Kindle. I like paper books too, but then one side is always heavy than the other and it’s annoying and my arm gets tired.
Peter: You’d probably ask me to hold it.
15) TV in the bedroom?
Ashley: Yeah, I like to watch a little TV in bed.
16) Your undergarments:
a) always match
b) almost never match
c) are boring
d) are faaaancy
e) take months to get into
f) who wears undergarments?
Peter: Don’t talk about your underwear in public!
17) Third favourite movie of all time?
Ashley: Mona Lisa Smile. Don’t hate it if you’ve never seen it.
Peter: I’ve seen it. And I hate it.
18) If they made a movie about you, who would play you?
Ashley: Jennifer Lawrence. Really I just want to be her BFF.
Peter: I thought she was ridiculously hot. Then I saw her year of birth.
19) What is your favourite item of clothing that you own?
Ashley: A brown sweater with white polka dots from Old Navy. Or my crochet TOMS. Or my pink skinny jeans.
Peter: You left that sweater here. I may have tried it on. (Not really.)
20) If my adorableness was an animal, what kind would it be?
Ashley: Hmmmm. I’m a koala, but I think you’d be a snuffleupagus. All big and hairy, you know.
Peter: WHAT!? (HUGE deduction.) Although I do like Snuffy.
BONUS Q: Have you read my novella?
Ashley: I have, but only because you sent it to me and basically forced me to read it. It was actually really good, though. Made me crush on you even harder.
Peter: WHAT? I didn’t make you read it! Though the crush part is good. (Deduction for not bragging it up enough.)
So there you have it. Whatever “it” is.
I highly recommend you single people writing your own questionnaires. Because it’ll be good blog fodder.
Buuuuuut mostly because the fiascoes it could lead to will really amuse me.
(*The correct answer was a hybrid Betty & Veronica… with a bit of Midge. Obviously.)