this just popped into my head…

Ladies, sometimes I am reading your blog posts about your boyfriends, or about dates you went on, and thinking, “Holy sweet crap. I’m glad that I’m not that guy.” Not because you aren’t collectively lovely.

It’s just that I’m a pretty private dude.

And some of you chicks talk about some shit.

True story.

I don’t think that I could date a female blogger who writes (literal) posts about her relationships.

I don’t need a girlfriend writing:

“Dear blog, It is 9 am on a Saturday and Peter is on the couch, in his boxers, eating cereal, watching English soccer and woohoo-ing whenever Liverpool scores. I’m going to beat him.”

Or

“Dear blog, Peter once again floated the idea of buying a new one when I asked him to scrub the toilet. I’m going to beat him.”

Or

“Dear blog, Motherfucker brings that French maid uniform into the bedroom again and I am going to cut him. He just doesn’t look good in it!”

It would be totally different if I wasn’t a blogger and didn’t “know” so many of you people. I just don’t want you nosy bastards knowing my business.

No offense.

If I wasn’t a blogger and a girlfriend wanted to tell me about a post she wrote about me, I’d probably react like this…

“I don’t give a shit. Now get in that kitchen and make me a GODDAMN sammich!!!”

Wait. That doesn’t really sound like me at all. What about this one…

“That’s super. You are so cute when you get excited about your little stories. Now why don’t you go to the mall and buy yourself something pretty while I watch “The Wire?” *slap on the ass* Go on. Git!”

Hmm. That’s not me either. (IS NOT!)

Maybe…

“I love you, sweetie. I really do. But, I’ll love you just *that* much more, if you can tell me about how you shared our dirty laundry, with everyone on the planet with internet access, at half time. Cool? Cool.”

Thaaaat’s the right ballpark.

Also, what if you are dating a blogger and things end badly? As delightful as I am, it has happened in a relationship or two of mine. (No, really!) Granted it was always their fault, but whatever.

“No, Peter, I am not really interested in a polygamous lifestyle.”

I don’t need a jilted ex writing a “So, we broke up, now let me tell you about Peter’s Rainbow Brite tattoo on his ass and his strange Oprah fetish” post.

Hypothetically speaking.

Maybe if I had nude photos to bust out for some Mutually Assured Destruction action. I dunno.

So, yeah, I could probably never date a female blogger that talks about her personal life.

Unless she is REALLY cute.

You may also like...

No Responses

  1. lspoon says:

    I don’t think we’re that bad. At least not consistently. :)

  2. Michelle and the City says:

    geez peter. you’re harsh lately!

  3. autobiographyofmyfeet says:

    Hm, I guess I wouldn’t want that either.

    But, since I’m *NOT* dating a blogger, well… I LOVE to read all about it. The internet was made for voyeurism and porn, right? Right?!?! ;)

  4. Peter says:

    lspoon: Scandalous, I tells ya. The lot of you!

    michelle: You think? This one was jokey.

    autobinfeinfe: Nope. Just for porn.

  5. Jess says:

    You are totally right. I was thinking about how it’s not a problem for Torsten, who reads my blog, to see what I write about him. But if he had a blog too? And we were part of the same blogging “circle”? That could definitely become weird.

    Still, I think we could make it work.

  6. Peter says:

    Althoooough…

    I did start this post yesterday when I was annoyed.

  7. Peter says:

    jess: Also, WHAT you write makes a huge difference. And you could set ground rules, etc. That kind of reasonable thinking just didn’t seem funny in my head.

  8. lfar says:

    This label (half-assed) is totally inappropriate; I like this post! Above average work here, Peter.

    You raise a good point though… luckily, you’re like one of 5 male bloggers in the universe so I don’t have to worry about dating a blogger. Phew!

  9. Caitlyn says:

    I’m with Michelle, that was a bit harsh. We talk about what’s on our mind, and we happen to have a slightly different mentality than you. And hey, we don’t JUST write about our relationships.
    And besides, we air out every other bit of dirty laundry in our lives. We talk about problems with friends, our jobs…I’ve even seen girls writing about their periods. So if we’re going to be public about all of that, why not about our relationships?

  10. Peter says:

    lisa: There are 4 other male bloggers?

    caitlyn: I’ll have you know that I’m none too impressed with those period posts either! (I am surprised that people are taking this so seriously.)

  11. Clink says:

    The “is halftime ok?” is totally M. I started to talk to him about the comments I received on delurking day on Saturday night and he was all “the Patriots are on! I love you but the Patriots are on!”

    Also, this was funny. Just as you intended it to be.

  12. each of the two says:

    HA! funny.

    OM doesnt even want to pretend to read my blog, and he likes it that way.
    And for some reason there is always SOME sport going on on this planet, all of which are more important that girl thoughts.
    (its in the bible, he told me)

  13. JenBun says:

    Hahaha! This was funny!

    Just admit it… if you had a blogging gf, you’d be trying to find ways to be even funnier/more adorable (if it’s even possible!) just for extra blog-fodder! =)

    (I can also picture you commenting “anonymously” about how great her bf sounds!)

  14. Peter says:

    clink: THANK you. Also, the Patriots suck. Go Giants! (If I was going to watch any more football this season, I’d have to root for a Manning.)

    each: HRC (an ex of mine) had a blog for years while we were dating. I never read it once the entire time. I figured that any woman dating me NEEDED a place to vent. This was before I became a blogger myself. Which, I think we can all agree, was a pretty dark time.

    jenbun: Anonymously? Ha!

  15. cdp says:

    Well, this should not be a problem. As a blogger and a Chelsea fan, I am disqualifying myself from dating you. The dream has died. Sniff, sniff.

  16. Michelle and the City says:

    i was just teasing!! i didn’t take the post seriously i promise!

    it was just funny bc between yesterday’s and today’s post you seemed pissed off at the blogging world ;)

  17. B2G says:

    I found my ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend’s blog (got that?) while we were dating. And I read it. And I felt… bad. Like I was intruding. It was weird.

  18. Peter says:

    cdp: Chelsea? For real? That’s like cheering for the Yankees. Or the Nazis.

    michelle: Yes… “seemed.”

    captain backfire: Besides, you can’t unlearn shit that you accidentally find out.

  19. thecasualperfectionist.com says:

    This post was hilarious! And, for the record, I’m so glad people didn’t have blogs (or camera phones) when I was dating. :)

  20. mindy says:

    Why are boys telling me all the time that they don’t want to be my boyfriend?

    I GET IT.

    OKAY?

  21. ana says:

    I do emotions well, but I choose to not do them online…although every once in a while I will grump, because I am engaged to grumpery. But yeah, I can never get myself to write about my relationship – frills and flaws combined.

  22. Max says:

    Well that is precisely why I don’t HAVE a relationship, I am sure of it now, thanks for straightening that up, I feel so much better! Wait…oh, right, I don’t even have a blog. Guess it IS me. :)

    Though, if you have a Rainbow Brite tattoo ANYWHERE and an Oprah fetish, ya got bigger problems than dirty laudry getting aired online.

  23. Michelle Ann says:

    I rarely speak of my relationship on my blog. Craig is usually a supporting character; hell, he’s usually an extra. However, my family…now that’s all open territory. I just remind them that they have raised me and should only look to themselves when wielding the finger of blame.

  24. penny says:

    So Peter…what’s the deal? First you ask all of us to delurk, then go on about the disinigrating quality of writing produced by blogs THEN proceed to stomp on female bloggers who write about their relationships. You’re like all of the ex-boyfriends who took off the second I said, ‘I love you’.

    oh whoops. guess I shouldn’t have said that. =)
    but Rainbow Brite tatoo aside, aren’t you isolating yourself from a significant part of the population if you’re going to date someone who doesn’t blog/doesn’t read blogs? It’s almost as if you’re asking to find a technology troglodyte.

  25. Hope says:

    Haha! Ditto Mindy’s comment.

    WE GET IT.

    :)

  26. theselittlemoments says:

    Hahahahaha. I’m actually laughing at your reaction to a comment. Love the PDW.

  27. skinny says:

    “root for a Manning!” that is so damn true (and both games were SO close!) i was thinking the same thing last weekend … at least Dad won’t be too upset.

    by the way, a good post (i rarely say this).

  28. Tina Vaziri says:

    If I blogged anonymously, I would totally trash on everyone, including my boyfriend or if it happened, my ex-boyfriend!

    …. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    But for now, my boyfriend just asks that I don’t talk about certain things on my blog. And that’s cool.

  29. tNb says:

    I’m with you on this one. As a relatively new blogger, I’m constantly editing myself to respect the privacy of my friends. I’m not always successful, but I realize that just because I choose to reveal a few things about myself publicly, my friends don’t feel the same way. And Imaginary Boyfriend is definitely off-limits!

  30. canadian sadie says:

    I vent very publically on my blog about my relationships–or lack thereof. I am mostly anonymous. I have met 2 people in person through my blog, and 2 others are now Facebooked.

    But I find that even so, I police what I say. (It may not seem like it, but I do!) I am insanely private in my day to day life, so this is where I let loose. But if I thought anybody actually cared about what I had to say? I’d clam up tight. It’s what I do. YMMV.

  31. Airam says:

    I emailed you about this did I not?

    ;)

  32. Yoda says:

    Hahahaha! That’s funny shit. I donno if I could date another blogger chick for the very same fears :-D

  33. Susie says:

    hahah omg. Does anyone actually write “dear blog”??? Ever???

    I kind of agree with you…I don’t talk about my personal dating life here, though sometimes I would LOVE to. If I did, I would have to be totally anonymous. And I have too many lovely real-life friends who are obsessed with reading my blog (and why wouldn’t they be??).

    Of course, I do love reading about other people’s relationships and dating lives, so I don’t complain.

  34. jamelah says:

    Well I figure if I ever dated a guy with a blog (that I knew about), it would be fair if he told the internet things like “She said she wanted some brownies, so she made them. But by the time they got out of the oven, she didn’t want them anymore, though she still wanted something. So she sat down to watch the Food Network to get some ideas, but unfortunately, there was a Rachael Ray marathon on, so she screamed about the injustice of it all and went to take a nap.”

    Totally. Fair.

  35. Chele says:

    dammm Guilty as charged, I know I shouldnt write about personal stuff. I am also stupid enough to tell the guys I am dating about my blog.
    I just figure ¨hey if they can accept my spilling of details, this might go somewhere.¨ I am not a private person, doesnt fit my personality and that would mean hiding who I am…or whatever.
    Of course I would never write about who I currently seeing…just the the past, and since it is over well I dont have to worry about what they think.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *