things men should never say on a first date in a fancy restaurant

“The salt is keeping a secret from the pepper. A sexxxy secret.”

“I’m just saying…   Being both Hannah Montana and Miley WOULD be stressful…”

“So, that Edward Cullen guy… a little ‘delightful’ for a vampire, no?”

“Hi, I’m Chris Brown…”

“Just updating my Twitter on how our date is going… 140 characters is so limiting… What’s a shorter way to say “vaguely visible nipples?”

“I have an erection that could tear through the very fabric of time.”

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  1. Anna says:

    “I have an erection that could tear through the very fabric of time.”

    Boner to the Future
    Bill and Ted’s Excellent Erection

    I thought I was going to have more of these, but it’s early in the morning.

    • Peter DeWolf says:

      Nice work.

      Time travel movies don’t have great titles to work with. I was thinking on The Terminator series, but all I came up with was “Terminator 2: Begrudgement Lay.”

      • Anna says:

        Yeah, I thought about some sort of “John Conner/Boner” thing for far longer than I should have before giving up. “Begrudgement Lay” is kind of amazing, though.

  2. jamelah says:

    Or even in an un-fancy restaurant.

  3. Amanda says:

    Actually, I would find all of those funny! (Except for the Chris Brown one.)

    • Peter DeWolf says:

      Yeeeeah. I went back and forth on the Chris Brown one. I actually cringed when I re-read the post.

      But now that you’ve mentioned it in a comment, I can’t delete it. Nice work. Ruiner.

  4. Shaba says:

    “Hi I’m Chris Brown”
    Hehe.
    I’d extend that to “Things Men Should Never Say. Ever.”

  5. miss mpls says:

    EWWW to that last one!!! Jeez. Let’s keep this PG huh?!?

    • Peter DeWolf says:

      Oh, please.

      The way you love compliments… What’s more of a compliment than an erection? It’s nature’s way of saying, “You’re prrretty… can I do you on a trampoline?”

  6. Thrice says:

    “I’m just saying… Being both Hannah Montana and Miley WOULD be stressful…”
    buahahah

  7. Far says:

    LOL wow the things that go on in your head! Oh how ive missed u :P

  8. katelin says:

    haha yeah i don’t know what i’d say if any of those were said to me on a date.

  9. Sid says:

    My personal fav, “If my gf weren’t here I’d so chase after U.” Men in CT R so charming.

  10. LOL I would laugh at number 1, 2, 3. but will give him the sie eye for saying the sexxy secret part lol

  11. B says:

    I think you SHOULD say those things… and if she laughs, she’s keeper. Personally, I thought they were all mildly amusing and worth a chuckle, and I can totally see some of my guy friends saying those things… at a fancy restaurant… loudly.

    (I only made it through the first 30 mins of Twilight before I gave up.)

  12. AuburnKat says:

    I guess a girl shouldn’t ler her nipples show on a date with you!

  13. Susie says:

    If someone made the Hannah Montana comment to me, I’d probably instantly fall in love with them. Now what does that say about me??

  14. the last one is my favorite, why do i feel dirty saying so?

    haha.

  15. sjane7272 says:

    This is too funny! I would laugh at the majority of these. As long as he isn’t planning our wedding, talking about his ex or checking his phone, I’m usually pretty good. Laughing is always key! :)

  16. tia says:

    i love you. just…yeah. love.

  17. dmb5_libra says:

    i’m sad i missed this post yesterday :)

  18. this made me laugh out loud at my desk at work, embarassing but worth it
    this is my favorite: “Just updating my Twitter on how our date is going… 140 characters is so limiting… What’s a shorter way to say “vaguely visible nipples?” – starts off innocent and then gets ya – hahaha

  19. Elisabeth says:

    The twitter comment would DEFINITELY warrant a second date. But maybe I’m just a twit.

  20. shine says:

    Why can’t I ever have a date like this? Minus the Chris Brown part…

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