things men should never say on a first date in a fancy restaurant

“The salt is keeping a secret from the pepper. A sexxxy secret.”

“I’m just saying…   Being both Hannah Montana and Miley WOULD be stressful…”

“So, that Edward Cullen guy… a little ‘delightful’ for a vampire, no?”

“Hi, I’m Chris Brown…”

“Just updating my Twitter on how our date is going… 140 characters is so limiting… What’s a shorter way to say “vaguely visible nipples?”

“I have an erection that could tear through the very fabric of time.”

0 thoughts on “things men should never say on a first date in a fancy restaurant

  1. “I have an erection that could tear through the very fabric of time.”

    Boner to the Future
    Bill and Ted’s Excellent Erection

    I thought I was going to have more of these, but it’s early in the morning.

    • Nice work.

      Time travel movies don’t have great titles to work with. I was thinking on The Terminator series, but all I came up with was “Terminator 2: Begrudgement Lay.”

      • Yeah, I thought about some sort of “John Conner/Boner” thing for far longer than I should have before giving up. “Begrudgement Lay” is kind of amazing, though.

    • Yeeeeah. I went back and forth on the Chris Brown one. I actually cringed when I re-read the post.

      But now that you’ve mentioned it in a comment, I can’t delete it. Nice work. Ruiner.

    • Oh, please.

      The way you love compliments… What’s more of a compliment than an erection? It’s nature’s way of saying, “You’re prrretty… can I do you on a trampoline?”

  2. I think you SHOULD say those things… and if she laughs, she’s keeper. Personally, I thought they were all mildly amusing and worth a chuckle, and I can totally see some of my guy friends saying those things… at a fancy restaurant… loudly.

    (I only made it through the first 30 mins of Twilight before I gave up.)

  3. This is too funny! I would laugh at the majority of these. As long as he isn’t planning our wedding, talking about his ex or checking his phone, I’m usually pretty good. Laughing is always key! :)

  4. this made me laugh out loud at my desk at work, embarassing but worth it
    this is my favorite: “Just updating my Twitter on how our date is going… 140 characters is so limiting… What’s a shorter way to say “vaguely visible nipples?” – starts off innocent and then gets ya – hahaha

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