The Trouble With Tribbles

I am a little jealous of those people who have had nothing but crappy dating experiences. Because, really, the only way they can go is up.

But, if you have dated someone amazing, and then broke up for annoyingly mundane reasons, it is hard for future paramours to measure up, you know?

And sometimes it’s the little things that you most notice.

You could be buying groceries and meet a lovely blonde. You are impressed with how smart she is. She is impressed with your height and your encyclopedic knowledge of Gossip Girl. (Not that I am admitting to watching that show.)

[Side bar: spoilersspoilersspoilers!!!! Don’t read this part if you haven’t seen this week’s episode, but plan to.

I still can’t figure out why in the flipping flying fuck Dan and Serena broke up.

Can you tell me?!?

She’s rich? He knew that.

She was a bit of a whooooore in her youth? Who amongst us wasn’t?

And next week they are bringing in Little Susie McBlandpants to compete with Serena?

COME ON.

/rant
/spoilers
/any chances of not seeming girly]

So, you are in the grocery store. Being awesome, because, frankly, that is your default setting. Then suddenly you notice the blonde’s grocery list.

“Hmmm. MyDelightfulEx crossed out the items on her grocery list much more neatly than you do.”

“Well, this pen, you see…”

“You are nothing but a common gutter harlot! BE GONE!!!!”

Also, it sucks if you are not very trusting in general, and hate being told what to do.

YourDelightfulEx can randomly pass you a gun and tell you to kill some dude. So, you tap tap two in the chest, wipe your prints, toss the gun down a storm drain and say, “Man, I can’t wait to see Nick & Nora’s Infinte Playlist.”

But, a new girl picks up your wallet after you drop it, tells you sweetly that you should be more careful, and your reply is, “What did you do that for? The fuck is your angle, woman??”

It’s a bad scene, man.

I blame the Republicans.

Or the French.

And I am STILL not admitting to watching Gossip Girl.

You know you love me.

XOXO.

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6 Responses

  1. sybil law says:

    You make me laugh.
    Oh and now you ruined Gossip Girl for me, thanks.
    ;)

  2. Elle says:

    Aaah – I ♥ Gossip Girl – you should watch it! ;p Sadly though, it seems all TV shows have to have that "will they/won't they" couple. S&D will probably get back together, then split up, then get back together … a million more times!

  3. JenBun says:

    You know we do.

    (Did you really just end a post with XOXO?) (Yes, yes– I am not the boss of what you use to end a blog post.)

    (Also? Remember how in yesterday’s post you were musing on how the word doodles could be conceived as wussy? And then you went on and on today about Gossip Girl? Manly.)

    (Chest hair!)

    XOXO.

  4. Colleen Snell says:

    Whoever said you should meet singles in the grocery store has never followed me while I’m there, hurriedly scouring the aisles, dragging that little plastic “yes I cook for one” basket over my arm with the handles stretched beyond the norm into bendy-dom, while I cuss the slow checkout line in my head and storm out of there because I’m so hungry and my feet hurt and I just can’t get home fast enough to open the bottle of wine that made my basket so heavy. After I put away the frozen dinners, mind you.

  5. Peter says:

    sybil: I just couldn’t keep it inside any longer!

    elle: I knoooow, right? I just wish they’d break up for a sensible reason. Maybe because he’s a poor man’s Seth Cohen. You know, not that I watched The O.C. either.

    jenbun: Chest hair!

    colleen: Don’t be insulted if I don’t invite myself over for dinner at your place. ;)

  6. sid says:

    Sorry I couldn’t stop laughing at this one.

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