The Stages of Writer's Block by Peter DeWolf
Stage 1 – “Hmmm. I don’t really like that last paragraph. Oh, whatever. They can’t all be winners.”
Stage 2 – “Well, this entire piece kind of blows. Maybe I just need to power through .”
Stage 3 – “OK. Everything I write sucks. Maybe I need to switch it up. Let’s try writing something silly. Hmmm. *Peter starts typing* ‘Top ten pick-up lines that almost never work on women… #10 If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U on my penis… *Peter stops typing* I hate me.”
Stage 4 – “Why didn’t anyone tell me that I couldn’t write?? The time I’ve wasted. I could have gone to Med school and — Well, that might have involved working. Law school then!”
Stage 5 – “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Hate. Mmmm pancakes.”
Stage 6 – “I’m not REALLY going to write. I’ll just jot down a few lines…”
Stage 7 – “I am the GREATEST WRITER IN THE WORLD!!!! When Oprah has me on for her bookclub thingy, will I be able to bring guests with me backstage? I’ll bring my 11th grade English teacher. Am I applying myself now??? (Beat.) Hmmm. I don’t really like that last paragraph.”
“Mmmmmm … pancakes”
well written Peter!!!
I particularly like your pick-up line!
“You grrrrr-ed in a blog! Love it!”
I know who should be your guest on Oprah…
“And the blog comes full circle…”
Love,
JB and KB :)
Oh Peter. I’m just going to blurt it out too.
You’re totally crush-worthy too.
;)
I really think you should’ve continued in stage 3. It sounded promising.
You are too funny. Somehow, your writers block is still good writing. HOW DO YOU DO IT?
This was fuckin hilarious.
Be honest: do you sometimes think “I kind of have the attention span of a 2 year old.”?
Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Lord, I wish you could be in my creative writing class!
I totally morph into Sybil when I write. Mumbling “I’m brilliant” and “shut up, that totally sucks” in the same damn breath.