the one where i ramble and put in a bunch of links

Sometimes people think that, because I blog about The ACN and The Monkey, I just love all kids.

Not so.

I actually think some kids are little assholes. True story.

I do adore my two little twerps, of course. And I like other little goofs that I am related to. I like kids that are very nice. You know, the ones that are kind and do good things for others. And I also like kids that… well, need someone to like them.

I am not wigged out by the possibility of having kids someday. And so many of my friends and family have kids, that I am pretty used to that concept as well.

Some stories freak me out a little though. A while back I was talking to a girl I dated when I was 18/19(20?) and she has three kids now. She was telling me how her daughter had broken her collarbone when she fell while DRIVING HER BIKE DOWN THE STAIRS IN THEIR HOUSE.

Hmm.

I can’t even imagine that.

Granted, my own kids would more likely be all, “Yeah, howsabout I play a video game involving that, or write you a story about driving a bike down some stairs, motherfucker.”

I expect my kids to swear a lot.

I’d be quick to tell you that having little versions of me running around would be GLORIOUS.

That’s how I’d say it too, “GLORIOUS!”

I’m a little nuts.

But, little versions of me running… well, lazily strolling around is a bit scary. I was kind of a bastard as a child.

You’re shocked. Admit it.

My sister will back me up on this. I would occasionally (by that, I mean frequently) do things just to be a little shit. I could easily take a full day and use it to torture my sister constantly. And I would consider it time well spent.

Not that she was entirely innocent. She ruined every single game of Monopoly that we ever tried to play. AND she assaulted my baseball bat.

Still, I’d be curious to see what a little version of me would be like.

Probably a wide-eyed tyke, exploring the world, taking in his surroundings…

While rocking a tiny baseball cap and stubble.

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  1. mindy says:

    Oh dear. A child driving her bike down the stairs? And a girl at that? Girls don’t do that stuff. Although one time I was riding a boy’s bike and I slipped off the seat and hit the bar in the middle there…and well, I never rode a boy’s bike again.

    Wait, that was all about me and almost nothing to do with this post.

    Meh. All in a day.

  2. Peter says:

    Ha! Strangely enough I was just leaving a comment all about me on your blog.

  3. JenBun says:

    GLORIOUS!

  4. Hellafied says:

    Peter, your offspring would be glorious. Just how you said it.

  5. Sonny Amou says:

    Little girls can be just as evil as little boys. So sayeth I, youngest to two older sisters who beat the crap out of me regularly until I was 12.

    And what’s the deal with older sisters and Monopoly anyhow? Glorious, indeed…

  6. Airam says:

    Little Petie with stubble? Cute.

  7. Paige Jennifer says:

    Proof I’d make a questionable mother – when I read the part about the kid breaking her collar bone because she rode her bike down the inside stairs, my thought was this: dipshit. And that was directed at both the child and the parent, btw.

  8. A Lil' Irish Lass says:

    I bet you’re happy that you didn’t breed with THAT ex! A kid with a broken collarbone, running around asking friends to “read this story I wrote, motherfucker!” would be so awkward. Your kid would get his ass kicked.

    How inglorious!

  9. Valerie says:

    I agree that some kids are assholes. Whenever I’m around asshole children I just want to stick my foot out and trip them.

    Actually I think I really want to trip ALL kids. In a way it’s funny when they fall.

    I think I may be evil but I will make a very good mother. (I’ll only trip my kids once or twice)

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