The List…

Like Richard Nixon and Moe Syzlak before me, I too have an enemies list. However, as I am getting older and (theoretically) more mature, I am trying to stop the hating. I am getting rid of the list.

It’s a journey, but I’m doing my best.

My enemies list has included, but was not limited to:

Shelley Long
Jennifer Lopez
The people of Belgium (They know why.)
Seth McFarlane
Anyone remotely involved with “Mama’s Family”
Stephen A. Smith
People who dated Lauren Graham
Roger Clemens
Mary-Kate (but not Ashley)

and…

Vince Carter

I’ve pretty much forgiven – or chosen to ignore – everyone except Mr. Carter. That’s not going to be an easy one.

Every time I see the tights-wearing, mini-bike revving, dance after a dunk, I can taste bile in my mouth. And, my friends, bile is not yummy. Not yummy at all.

I’m just old enough to remember a time when players were loyal to teams and to the fans that supported them. A time when players played hard all the time. These are not traits that would describe Vince “half sand, half bagger” Carter.

When assaulted with the wind from another player running by him, he still goes down like he’s been shot. He writhes in agony on the floor. But, now that he is playing for New Jersey, he eventually gets back up. He didn’t do that for the Raptors. When he wore purple, he had the resiliency of a rice cracker. (Which, depending on the brand, can also taste like bile.)

It displeased me when one of his dunks from last night was the Play of the Day on the news this morning. I can’t lie. I said some bad words. Words that would make the cast of “Deadwood” blush.

Vince Carter quit on the Toronto Raptors. He quit on the fans who were paying his 8 figures a year salary. I hope that sporting history remembers. He seems to be getting a free pass on this right now, but sporting karma usually strikes at the perfect time. I’d make a Vince Carter voodoo doll to speed up the process, but I can’t find the proper materials. A piece of crap wrapped in tissue paper?

I guess I haven’t quite let this one go yet. But, I’m —

Oh screw it, I am putting Seth McFarlane back on the list too.

It really is a journey.

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