the internet is a weird place

I don’t really “get” tweeting.

Well, I get it, in theory, I just don’t… feel it.

Same with shower sex.

And democracy.

Kidding.  I’m kidding.

Shower sex is awesome.

But occasionally something will pop into my head that will amuse me.  I know very well that it won’t tickle others, but I still feel the urge to tweet it.  I’m weird like that.  I enjoy things a little extra when I know people won’t dig them.  It’s like I’m rooting for an underdog joke.  Or something.

Take a day last week, for example.  I tweeted:

“I like to follow random celebs and then “block” ’em. Maaaaybe @autumnreeser doesn’t deserve to know what I thought about last night’s Idol.”

“Sigh. I would be ever so happy if
@peterdewolf would tweet about me. “

Why did I think that was funny?  Hard to say.

Why Autumn Reeser?  Well a few nights before, I was scrolling through my satellite guide and saw that “The O.C.” was on.  I took a quick peek to see if it was an Autumn episode.  It wasn’t.  It was the episode where Marissa was going through some kind of drama.  Did you see that one?

Why are you making that face at me?

Ohhhhhh.  Because I watched “The O.C.?”

Ehhh.  If you put any show on in prime time where 20-somethings pretend to be high school students, I’ll check it out.  (aka “The Ian Ziering Effect.”)

Plus I dug the soundtrack.

It’s true.

I also read Playboy as a kid for the articles.

You know, this reminds me of the time I tried to convince someone I watched She’s All That because of a love for Pygmalion.  I almost sold it.  Damn you, (manly) giggles!

Where was I?

Yeah, so Autumn Reeser is the best thing about “The O.C.”

In case you were wondering, the order goes like this:

1) Autumn Reeser
2) The soundtrack
3) Amanda Righetti
4) “Lindsay”‘s “Freudian slippers” line.
5) Rachel Bilson (her ranking dropped after Hollywood and the fashion industry, and possibly the Masons, conspired for the scrawnifying.  Don’t get me started.)
6) Peter Gallagher’s eye brows.
7) The Dharma Initia–  Wait.

So I tweeted about @autumnreeser.  Then I closed Twitter.

Minutes later, a gchat window opened up.  It was my long-time buddy @capricecrane. (Buy her books!  Well, buy mine first.  THEN buy hers!)

Her message:   “Why are you harassing my friend??”

I was baffled for a minute.  “She’s pals with the people who receive the angry letters I send to the government?”  Then she explained that she knows Autumn Reeser.  Of course. She knows EVERYBODY.  She’s like Heidi Fleiss without all the pesky madam-ing.  And with slightly less knowledge about where Charlie Sheen is ticklish.

I “hahahah”ed and explained that it was a “joke.”  And that I thought Autumn was the kind of adorable that makes me want to write songs that defy being placed in any obvious genre.

And that was that.

(Oh.  Except that later I saw that Natalie tweeted to tell me that she went to high school with Autumn Reeser.   So I asked her if they went to Hot Girl High.   And if the school mascot was “The Fighting Mrrrroowwwrrrs.”  I shouldn’t be allowed to talk to people.)

Later that evening, because I’m a good Canadian boy, I decided to watch some hockey.  While grumbling after my team let in an easy goal, I peeked over at my laptop and saw that I had new mail.  New mail excites me like a kid getting Christmas presents.

Or like me… getting Christmas presents.

I looked closer and the subject line was:

“Direct message from Autumn Reeser”

I blinked to make sure, but that’s what it was.

Uh oh.

I slowly moved my cursor up into clicky clicky position, assuming that I was about to receive further proof that I’m the only one who finds me funny.

But I didn’t.

She was very sweet.  She LOL’ed me.  She schooled me a little.  And she asked me a question about American Idol.  (Which she clearly watches.)  I tried to reply, but since she doesn’t follow me, Twitter wouldn’t allow it.  Pfffft.  Anti-Canadian conspiracy.

So, alas, we did not end up bonding.

We could have discussed art and history.

We could have discussed current events.

We could have shared private stories about childhood hopes and dreams.

Or maybe she would have told me that she DIDN’T vote for Didi Benami on Idol.

And then I really would have had to block her ass.

29 thoughts on “the internet is a weird place

  1. The OC was totally fun to watch, but most guys wouldn’t admit to it. I met a guy the other day who admitted to watching Gossip Girl. Do you watch that too?

  2. I don’t get twitter either, but I do it anyway (i just followed you!). I think I only remember to do it because my tab for it is near my email.
    And I don’t know about shower sex, I think I like the idea of it a lot better than actually doing it!

  3. Did you have a girl moment for about ten seconds when you realized a very hot celeb chick messaged you?

    I’d totally have a moment if so.

    Like when an NFL player’s dad commented on my blog. I nearly peed my pants… I’m a sad soul.

    • Ha. It was more of a “Wow. A prrrreeetty girl just messaged me.” The celeb thing didn’t really cross my mind.

      Mostly because I figure that all celebs, heads of state, the (ORIGINAL)girl from the Snorg Tees ads, would naturally just want to be my friend.

  4. I ended up working mostly nights and some channel was playing the OC daily – in order. Needless to say, I became an addict.

    And shower sex is awesome if you have the right erm…angle? support? I dunno, like as long as the shower curtain rod doesn’t completely break in half or anything.

  5. Huh, the only thing that I’m left thinking of is shower sex. You almost had me going there.

    PS: Someone bought your book. You’re welcome. I’ll start reading it tomorrow when I haven’t been awake for 35 hours sans sleep.

    PPS: Who is Autumn Reeser? By the time you reply, I will have googled her.
    Not in the naughty sense, perv.

  6. Hm. There’s a picture. And I watched the show. And I STILL don’t know who this chick is.

    I’m beginning to think “celeb” is a bit of a stretch…

    but that could be the raging jealousy talking.


  7. I think my favorite line of hers was when she was referring to sleeping with the Asian (thus hairless) guy who worked at that restaurant: (obsessive frantic voice) “It’s like making love with a seal.”

    though Peter’s eyebrows are preeeeetty impressive.

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