Some people are just touchy.

INT. TYPICAL OFFICE BREAK ROOM – LUNCH

Jim and Steve compare their lunches.

Jim: Nice. My wife bought the good cheese.

Steve: Your wife is kind of a dirty whore, huh?

POW. Jim punches Steve in the face.

INT. HR DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – 15 MINUTES LATER

Steve holds an ice pack to his eye. Ralph, the new HR director, reads a file.

Ralph: This is not your first work altercation is it, Steve?

Steve: Today or in general?

Ralph: In General.

Steve: No.

Ralph: Today?

Steve: No.

Ralph: You got into a fight with a girl guide troop last June?

Steve: I’m not sure what happened there…

Ralph: It says here that you and “Missy” had to be physically seperated.

Steve: I thought price negotiating was a part of business. She called me a “doodie head.” It escalated from there.

Ralph: And do you see how that was wrong?

Steve: I see how she should not be in the food service industry.

Ralph: You are a grown man.

Steve: Yes.

Ralph: She was nine.

Steve: Seriously? I think she might be on steroids. She looked like a middle linebacker.

Ralph: See, this is the kind of thing that you should keep to yourself.

Steve: Ahh. But, I’m just being honest.

Ralph: There is such a thing as “too honest.”

Steve: I see.

Ralph: And the thing with Mr. Nguyen’s daughter…

Steve: Pointing out erect nipples…

Ralph: Is bad.

Steve: On eighteen year olds?

Ralph: On anyone.

Steve: Right-o.

Ralph flips through more pages in the file.

Ralph: Now… Leslie.

Steve: Yeah?

Ralph: Do you know what you did wrong in that case?

Steve: I told Leslie that drinking beer was bad during pregnancy.

Ralph: But…

Steve: It was actually a can of soda.

Ralph: Plus…

Steve: Leslie wasn’t pregnant.

Ralph: And…

Steve: Leslie is a man.

Ralph: Exactly.

Steve: I think I see where you are going with all of this.

Ralph: You do?

Steve: I should not have told Jim that his wife was a dirty whore.

Ralph: That’s right. Exactly! I can’t believe this hasn’t come up before.

Steve: This is my fourteenth job in the last two years.

Ralph: Ahh.

Steve: Some people are just touchy.

Ralph: How so?

Steve: I mean your wife is a much dirtier whore than Jim’s and you are okay with it.

POW. Ralph punches Steve in the face.

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  1. treespotter says:

    LOLOLOL, this is actually funny.

  2. Peter says:

    Thanks!

    Especially for sounding so shocked. ;)

  3. Kukka-Maria says:

    I think I’ve worked with Steve before. Snorting with laughter while reading this caused water to come through my nose.

    Thanks for the nasal discomfort! It was worth it!

  4. Dave says:

    That’s almost as backhanded a remark as “Oddly enough I have to echo Dave’s comments.” ;)

    Nice bit, Mr. DeWolf. The Leslie bit was the clincher.

  5. James Cooper says:

    Agreed – the escalation in the Leslie portion of the dialogue was the meat of the conversation. Calling other people’s wives whores and getting punched for it was a nice appetizer and dessert though. Hey, anyone else hungry?

  6. Steph says:

    That was hilarious! You should write scetch comedy. :)

  7. Peter says:

    kukka: Blame Steve for your keyboard wetness. That guy…

    Dave: hahaha I thought about that comment after I hit “post.” You know what I meant. heheh

    James: Thanks, dude. And now I AM hungry. I am so easily led.

    Steph: Thanks, ma’am! I used to want to write for SNL. Then it started sucking so massively.

  1. April 14, 2009

    […] “Some people are just touchy” […]

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