Not sure if I’ve mentioned it in here before, but I’ve been thinking about making a (very) short film this winter. Up until this morning, I only had the vaguest of ideas of what it would be. However, while showering, I was inspired… and when I was finished with that, I thought of ideas for a script.
I kid. I kid.
I really did start thinking of some ideas this morning in the shower – as I sang Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run” – so, as soon as I got out, I sat down to try to bang out a first draft.
And I did!
The dialogue isn’t nearly as funny as I wanted. Blah blah blah. But, I have the story pretty much the way I want it. Though I might want to make it a bit longer. I’m not sure. I’d appreciate your feedback.
INT. SIMPLE APARTMENT
A KNOCK is heard at the door. And apparently ignored.
A pair of bunny slippers slowly shuffle towards the sound.
A hand reaches up and opens the door.
STEPHANIE JONES, blonde/early 20s, is standing there. Her smile quickly turns to a look of despair.
Stephanie: You look terrible.
Female voice: Thanks.
We see the bunny slippers and pan up to a ratty old robe. Then up to a face that belongs to NAOMI CLARK, brunette/early 20s. She’s been crying. A lot.
Stephanie: I’m sorry. I meant to say… No, you just look like crap.
Naomi: Do you want me to curl up in a ball on the floor, so that you can literally kick me when I’m down?
Stephanie: Nah. Maybe later. I brought some supplies over to fix you.
Stephanie: Yes! But, there’s more. (She starts removing things from a paper shopping bag.) Also, in the “fix you”package are… A Coldplay CD.
Naomi: The one with “Fix You” on it?
Stephanie: Oddly no. We have ice cream (Puts container on counter.) Kleenex with the lotion in it. (Passes box directly to Naomi.) Potato chips. “Sex in the City” DVDs. The tequila. Another bottle of tequila.
Naomi peeks in the bag.
Naomi: Is that a bottle of massage oil?
Stephanie: Where? Oh…
Naomi: I’m flattered… But, what kind of party are you planning?
Stephanie: Shut up. I just put it in the wrong bag.
Naomi: It belonged with the riding crop and butt-less chaps?
Stephanie: Who said they were butt-less?
Naomi blows her nose in one of the new Kleenex.
Naomi: Wow. Gentle.
Stephanie grabs a bottle of tequila and the container of ice cream.
Stephanie: Ever try a tequila float?
INT. LIVING ROOM
The two women are sitting on the couch. They hold large glasses containing “tequila floats” and large straws.
Stephanie: I never really liked him much.
Naomi: I know. You didn’t really try to hide it.
Stephanie: I thought I disguised it pretty well.
Naomi: You tried to set me up on four blind dates in the last month alone.
Stephanie: Sure, there’s that —
Naomi: And you referred to him as a “vane, too much hair product-using, puppy-kicking mama’s boy who is worse than Hitler.”
Stephanie: Now that was taken completely out of context. (Beat.) So, how did you find out he was cheating?
Naomi: He accidentally sent me an e-mail from her. He was trying to forward it to one of his frat boy work buddies. It was that girl Rachel that you and I met at that party.
Stephanie: Ouch. What did you do?
Naomi: Nothing… until he got home.
Stephanie: And then?
Naomi: And then I kneed him.
Stephanie: You need him?
Naomi: I KNEED him. (Pointing to her knee.)
Stephanie: Ohhhhh. Gotcha. Good girl! Where?
Naomi: You know… in the…
Stephanie: Right in the Siegfried and Roys?
Stephanie: Awesome. (She sucks down the last bit of the float and makes a load slurping noise.) Okay, we gotta get you cleaned up now.
Stephanie looks at herself in the mirror as Naomi showers. MUSIC plays someplace in the other room. Something indy rockish. Stephanie’s hair displeases her and she tries to fix it. Finally she gives up and starts dancing around. She pokes her head inside the shower.
Stephanie: Is that a new shower massager?
Naomi: Can I get a little privacy?
Stephanie: Man, you are uptight. Have you been working out? Your butt looks fantastic.
Naomi: Thanks! Now get out.
Stephanie: Fine. He’s a jerk, you know.
Naomi: I know. And thanks.
Stephanie goes back to looking in the mirror. Then she picks up a bottle of mouthwash from the sink. She thinks for a few moments. Then she pours some mouthwash in the cap. She sits the bottle down and picks up a half-empty bottle of tequila. She pours some tequila in the cap with the mouth wash. She swishes it around a bit.
She raises the cap to the mirror in a toast to herself. Then she downs it.
There is a brief delay before her face contorts. She lets out a cough. She sticks out her tongue and starts wiping it with her hands, as if trying to remove all traces of it.
Stephanie: It tastes like evil!!
Stephanie turns the faucet on, bends over, and starts letting cold water run over her tongue.
INT. BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Naomi is wearing a towel and looking in the mirror. Stephanie is standing beside her, fishing around in a make-up case.
Naomi: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Stephanie: Not only that, but I think this is a good idea.
Stephanie might be a tad liquored.
Naomi: Just be careful.
Stephanie: I know guys that own more make-up than you.
Naomi: I don’t really feel like going out.
Naomi: I don’t.
Stephanie (Putting her finger over Naomi’s mouth): Shhhhhhh.
Naomi (Muffled): Ah’m sewious. (Translated: “I’m serious.” Duh.)
Stephanie: I think that Rachel chick is not very good-looking. And kinda chubby, if you ask me.
Naomi just nods.
A few moments pass.
Naomi: That’s not true at all.
Stephanie: No. She’s spectacularly hot.
Naomi: She really is.
Stephanie (mumbling): I’d sleep with her.
INT. NAOMI’S BEDROOM:
Naomi is sitting on the bed, sipping a glass of tequila. Stephanie is in the closet, occasionally chucking out items of clothing that land on the bed, the floor or on Naomi. Naomi brushes them aside, barely noticing.
Stephanie (from inside the closet): On the upside, that Rachel girl seemed like a bit of a floozy. Maybe she gave him some disease!
Naomi: That he could have given to me?
Stephanie: I said the UPside. Not the WAY upside. (She exits the closet.) Here, put this on.
Naomi takes a look at the outfit as she takes it from Stephanie. She shrugs. Stephanie grabs the glass of tequila from Naomi and downs it.
phanie is wearing the outfit that she originally handed to Naomi, and Naomi is wearing something completely different. They both look hot, if more than a little tipsy.
Stephanie: You know what you need? You need… you need those high black leather boots.
Naomi: I don’t know… they are a bit slutty.
Stephanie: So? Hey! I bought those for you.
Naomi giggles a little.
Stephanie: They’ll complete the ensemble.
Naomi: They are in the closet in the guest room.
Stephanie: Good. Are you feeling better?
Naomi: I am.
Stephanie: Yay! (Beat.) But, would you ever take him back?
Naomi: Oh, he’s NEVER coming back.
Stephanie tries to initiate a high five. Naomi tries to not leave her hanging, but they both miss. By a lot.
INT. GUEST ROOM
The door opens. The light is already on. Stephanie staggers in. She steps over…
A man’s legs.
They are sticking out from under the bed. They are wearing Adidas Gazelles. Next to them is a potted plant on it’s side. There is dirt all over the floor. The legs and/or feet aren’t moving.
Stephanie ignores it all and beelines right for the closet. She grabs the boots and smiles to herself. She turns and steps over the legs and heads for the door.
Stephanie returns triumphantly with the boots.
Stephanie: Put ’em on, put ’em on.
Naomi: I haven’t put these on for ages.
Stephanie is very excited as Naomi slips her feet in the boots.
Stephanie: Oooooh. You are going to look hot.
Suddenly FOOTSTEPS can be heard coming down the hallway.
We see the familiar pair of Adidas Gazelles slowly walking towards the kitchen.
The girls stop giggling when they sense that they are no longer alone.
They turn towards the doorway to the hallway.
We see the gazelles and then slowly pan up to —
A man standing there in work clothes, wiping his hands.
Naomi: Hi Charlie. I almost forgot you were here. How did it go?
Charlie: I got the glue traps set. I plugged up all the holes that I could find. But, I knocked over your plant. I spilled some dirt. If you have a vacuum, I’ll —
Naomi: It’s fine. Roomba will get it later.
INSERT shot of Roomba (the little round, robot vacuum dealie) cleaning up the dirt.
Charlie: Okay, great. Give me a call if you have any more problems.
Naomi: Will do. And thanks!
Stephanie: Hey, Charlie, doesn’t Naomi look hot?
Charlie: You both look gorgeous.
With that he smiles and leaves.
Stephanie: That is one charming rat-guy.
Stephanie: Let’s roll!
Naomi just laughs and follows Stephanie out the door.
We see the closed door and hear their GIGGLES getting further away.
A few seconds later, we hear FOOTSTEPS running back towards they door.
Naomi lets herself in and runs over to the closet. We can’t see inside, but she quickly comes out with a coat in her hand. She closes the closet door and runs back outside, shutting the apartment door behind her.
We see the now-quiet kitchen.
Suddenly the closet door opens and a male body falls out and crashes hard to the floor. It has a knife sticking out of it’s back.
He hold on it for a few moments.
Then Roomba comes into frame and starts running into the head over and over.
– Fin –