romantic and s-e-x advice

I arrived back at my computer a day last week and found an IM from (Canada-hating, NOT ex-gf) Jenn:

“international sex symbol”

I looked at it and thought “Thanks for noticing, baby.”  And then I winked at the screen.  Which was probably silly because:

a) She couldn’t see me winking at the screen.

b) I hadn’t read the whole message.

“international sex symbol?  really?  that’s what you put on your google profile?”


Then it dawned on me…

As an international sex symbol I should offer to give you all romantic and sex advice.

(That’s what this post is, if that wasn’t clear.)

My qualifications:

– International sex symbol.

– Author of a mushy romantic novella that was read by literally tens of people.

– While I don’t personally compete for love — well except for the time Selena Gomez and I battled for that dreamy Nick Jonas — I have watched a number of those dating shows.

Hmmm.  You don’t look convinced.

How about a female perspective too?  As an added bonus, now brandy will also give her romantic and sex advice.

brandy’s qualifications:

– adorably sassy

– uterus

I should note that after showing brandy her list of qualifications, she was of the opinion that they didn’t fully explain why she is so qualified.  So…

brandy is smart, charming, lovely, Canadian and, I’m sure, attracts more men than Megan Fox in a beer bikini.

Can’t get him/her to commit to you?

Looking for advice on how to spice things up?

Curious just how into you he/she really is?

Wonder what sports highlight show is the best for background noise while you are sexing it up?

Ask away!

14 thoughts on “romantic and s-e-x advice

  1. HAHA- your possibly related post- Sarah Palin: International Sex Symbol.

    It reminds me of this movie they made when Palin was running for VP. “Nailin Palin”.

  2. Peter! Help!

    I’m running out of ideas and quite frankly going crazy. I am trying to meet a decent man. In order to this, I am aware that one most go out and make an attempt.

    Where do I go?! I mean, I’ve tried plenty of places that I think are ideal for meeting good, wholesome men. I’ve got nothing.

    Here are some places I’ve tried. Any suggestions on other places?
    -Coffee Houses
    -Jazz Bars
    -Strip Clubs
    -Sperm Banks
    -AA Meetings

  3. Peter, hi! I am VERY intrigued to get your dating advice.

    I have been with my man for 3.5 years and we are now the big bad CL (common law). All of my older sisters are getting married/are alreayd married, and while I am not feeling any parental pushing to get hitched, sometimes I go crazy inside and feel the need to have a ring on my finger rightnowthisverysecond, and find myself saying things like “Tim look at this pretty ring. That’s what I would like!” and “Did you so and so just got engaged? And they are the same age as us?!” How can I scale back, focus my efforts elsewhere and stop freaking my wonderful man out?

    ALSO, why is it that when I wear a fake engagement ring or wedding band on my finger when I don’t feel like talking to men at bars I get hit on more than usual? I thought it would scare tham away. Alas, no such luck.

    Love from,
    A fellow Canadian named Leah.

  4. How should I feel that my younger sister is beating me to the altar, and my invitation arrived sans “and guest”?? Do tell. (And book a flight to Atlanta in September?)

  5. Hi,
    Advice you say you can give me huh?! Well hows this for a pickle….
    I need, nay wantalot a man friend in my life, I recently had one but he turned into a realdick almost over night for no apparent reason. It was like someone stuck a voodoo Emmz wont like you anymore pin in him… bamm I didn’t… was it sabbotage? Is my next spooner a voodoo specialist or was it my nasty subconscious destroying what possibly wasn’t going to be a good thing….

    Just thinking.

    As an aside, Hi. Never commented before.
    Yours truely
    Recent Lurker Emmz

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