Reason #8577 why I am like this…

You may remember my mother from coming up with such quotes as, “That man could fuck up a two car parade.” (And, well, from giving birth to me.)

She’s been having problems with her foot and went to the doctor yesterday. At lunch, we had this discussion:

Mom: It is where my heel meets my arch and —

Peter: Plantar fasciitis.

Mom: That’s it!

Peter: (Long, slow exhale.) Your NBA career is FUCKED.

Over the weekend, she had told me that her DVR screwed up and she didn’t record her beloved “Two and a Half Men” last week. I informed her that I could probably download it for her online. I launched into a long and detailed explanation of bittorrents, as she nodded along. All she heard was, “watch on dvd in your living room” and her favourite, “no commercials.” (My mother gets all rage-y when forced to sit through commercials. Apparently that is where I get my patience.)

Mom: Yes. You do that.

So, I did. I got it for her and gave her the DVD. She was very impressed. So much so that:

Mom: I want you to track down the new Richard Gere movie and the chick flick that Deb and the girls saw in Halifax*.

(*THE WOMEN, if you were wondering.)

I searched and couldn’t find either movie for her. So, yesterday over lunch:

Peter: Yeah, I couldn’t find those movies. Apparently you can only find movies that someone might actually WANT to see. And not sucky crapfests that only people like you and Deb would watch.

Mom: (To my Dad) *mumble* *mumble* saucy little bastard *mumble.

Peter: What was that?

She turned to me, with a very serious expression and…

Flipped me off.

Both hands.

I was shocked. SHOCKED.

Except, you know, not at all.

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16 Responses

  1. JenBun says:

    So… you’re trying to tell us that you’re adopted?

    Poooooooor PeteMom, puts up with so much… ;)

  2. notthelifeiordered says:

    Hahaha! I love your mom. I see the resemblence, but i’m wondering where your supposed adorableness came from?

  3. AnTo says:

    Damn she´s good! the only woman that can control you! about films…my mum has the same tendency to think I can download everything…everything..:S

  4. Peter says:

    jenbun: She’s suffered, the woman.

    nothelifeiordered: I don’t think that you are using “supposed” properly here.

    anto: My mother always, always asks for things that are impossible — or a major pain in the ass — to do.

  5. Dana says:

    love you blog….. and thanks for stopping by – please visit again soon!

  6. Tia says:

    dude. your mom rules.

    and The Women is so not worth watching.

  7. AnTo says:

    Hey! that´s mean and a little gloomy for my taste :P

  8. Valerie Z says:

    Damn there goes my fantasy team. Your mom was supposed to go in the first round…

  9. mindy says:

    Your mom sounds delightful. And I actually mean that – I'm not being sarcastic. I think she & I would get along swimmingly.

  10. jamelah says:

    It all makes so much sense now.

  11. Peter says:

    dana: Thank YOU for dropping by.

    tia: I can’t even imagine what it might take to get me to watch that movie.

    valerie z: It is too bad because she rebounds well for her position. (And the Celtics suck.)

    mindy: I actually think that you really would.

    jamelah: I know, right??

  12. Colleen Snell says:

    Your mom sounds awesome.

    And, that movie did suck, btw. I paid $10 for it at the theater, and damn near left early.

  13. Auburn Kat says:

    You have quite the family =) Never a dull moment huh?

  14. Hollywood Sucker says:

    Sounds like she’s abusing her power.

  15. Alexa says:

    you should have flipped her off back with BOTH fingers.

    twins, you win.

  16. Peter says:

    colleen: I expected that. I found it hard to sit through the commercials.

    auburnkat: Quite a group of characters.

    hollywood sucker: I know, right? It’s hard to raise parents these days.

    alexa: I was too busy laughing.

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