Professor Pete’s Lessons in Looooooooooooove

Not long ago, I noticed an interesting pattern in the last three girlfriends I’ve had.

Questionable taste.

Kidding.  Kidding.

I’m grrrreat.

Seriously though, there are some strange coincidences and it made me wonder if I have a type.

Or if they do.

Then after some thinking — and a couple episodes of Top Chef Canada — I realized that they are such wildly different people that it really doesn’t matter.  And that we’re all where we’re supposed to be.

Well I am at least.

It did make me wonder what else I’ve learned relationship-wise over the (many) years.

So I wrote this post to share my thoughts with you.

Man, I’ll do anything to avoid real writing.

– “You’re awesome… just not awesome for me” is legit.   It is.  You can think someone is explosively ridiculously wonderful and yet know you’d drive each other insane within about five and a half minutes of dating.

– Sometimes it’s better to watch a show than star in it.

– People don’t change… but they can learn.  It’s whether they remember what they learn that determines if they are a keeper or not.  As well as how quickly your hair does its Anderson Cooper imitation.

– If you can’t figure out how to talk about the little things, you’re oh so very much screwed when it comes to the big stuff.

– I just wrote “Fog is much different than the dark.  The fog teases you with what you can’t see.   The dark let’s you imagine what you otherwise could.”  Then I realized it had nothing to do with this post.  Or does it…?

Nope.

– Never be in a relationship if the other person isn’t completely distraught if they hurt you.   Likewise, you should get the fuck out if you’re not completely distraught if you hurt them.

– If business is all “location location location,” relationships are all “timing timing timing.”  For example, you really want to pick the right moment for something like, “So… what do you make of that Sister Wives situation?”

– Ignoring fundamental differences because of laziness, a killer rack or “ohmygodidon’twanttobethirtyandsingle!” is bad bananas.

– If they’re not someone you’d otherwise want to be friends with, they’ll eventually make you want to run for the border, where you’ll earn a living as a masked Mexican wrestler named El Lobo Grande.

– If thinking about not being with them doesn’t make your stomach do that droppy thing and give you eversosadface, then you might as well cut your losses and practice your speech for friends and family that “1 in 5 relationships now begin on online dating sites… basedonstatsprovidedbyonlinedatingsites.”

– You know already.   You do.   Listen to the little voice in your head.  Unless, of course, it tells you to burn things.  Lots of things.

– If you meet a girl who sets her alarm for a little bit earlier than necessarily in the morning so she can watch Full House before work…

She’s a special one.

Cut.  It.  Out.

What have you learned about relationships?   Don’t you hate it when bloggers ask questions at the end of posts to get comments? Me too.  Now answer.

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18 Responses

  1. Alyson says:

    I’ve learned that if you can’t admit to bodily functions to your significant other, then forget it. If they can’t be comfortable with themselves, how can they be comfortable with you? (gross, but totally true)

  2. megabrooke says:

    i’d like to add…
    listen to that little voice in your head, yes. of course you should listen to it.
    but also, know when to tell it to quiet down. sometimes this little voice just causes for a lot of unnecessary noise, when the point might actually just be to BE, in the moment, rather than trying to analyze every little thing to pieces.

  3. megabrooke says:

    i’ve also learned…
    it’s not always going to be easy. but that doesn’t mean it’s not right.

    i’ve learned about patience. and that i need to have more.

    i’ve learned to be less critical.

    i’ve learned that he can be watching hockey in the next room and i can be reading my book in bed, and that can feel really comfy. and i’ve learned that comfort is another form of butterflies.

  4. J says:

    I’ve learned that if a guys says he just “can’t be in a relationship right now” to take him at his word and get the EFF OUTTA THERE.

  5. Rebecca says:

    “Never be in a relationship if the other person isn’t completely distraught if they hurt you. Likewise, you should get the fuck out if you’re not completely distraught if you hurt them.”

    I think this is the biggest thing I’m learning right now. I have a tendency to fall for guys who don’t give a crap and I’m over it.

    Also if its not the can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over- the-fence, world-series kind of stuff then it just isn’t right – because we all deserve that, and it’s out there. We just have to get off our butt and look for it.

    Oh yeah – I just quoted a Mary Kate and Ashley movie (and knowing your taste in music, Peter – you totally caught that :P )

  6. Heather says:

    I’ve learned, now that I’m in my 30s, I can’t quit fall in love as quick as in my 20s. I know what’s at stake. I know how much it can hurt if it goes wrong. That you fall in love when you are young with the same reckless abandonment that you do with so many other things. But falling in love when you are older is so much sweeter, because you know what you are doing and can enjoy every tiny taste of it.

    But I think the most important thing I’ve learned about relationships is that you want someone who both let’s you be yourself, warts and all, and at the same time makes you want to be a better person. Who doesn’t care you have a dead-end job, but makes you want to get a better one. Who doesn’t care if you bring home flowers, but makes you want to go pick some. Who doesn’t care if you leave dirty laundry on the floor, but makes you want to put it away. Who doesn’t care if you don’t write poetry, but makes you want to compose sonnets to their love.

  7. Paula says:

    Honesty is been my most important lesson. I’m not saying I have lied in previous relationships; it’s just that i’ve bottled things up when I should have let them out, and I’m trying really hard not to do that now. It’s not always easy to put yourself out there, but it’s so much better knowing where you stand and not just getting led down the garden path. Or something like that.

  8. Wendryn says:

    If the other person makes you feel like less of yourself, makes you feel like nothing, run. Doesn’t matter whose fault it is. Really, it doesn’t. Just leave.

    The flip side of that, which I have been lucky enough to find out, is that if you find a person who makes you smile even when life sucks, stay. Maybe it’s hard (there are always hard bits) but if going home to that person is a relief because it’s the best part of your day, stick with it. If tucked in next to that person is the most secure, most wonderful place in the world, it’s worth it. Especially if that person can crack stupid jokes that make you laugh even when you are more sad than you knew you could be. Someone who adds joy to your life is, quite simply, worth it.

  9. Lilly says:

    I’m a little older than 30 so I’ve learned many, many things. Some of which have already been covered. A couple of them I had to learn twice. But I would say some of the most important things I’ve learned are:

    You must love yourself more. (Not in a narcissistic kinda way, but being a martyr is NOT loving yourself.)

    If you can’t fully love yourself with the person you’re with, you’re with the wrong person.

    Roller coaster rides seem fun and exciting, and they can be when you’re 18 or 20, but the older and wiser you get, you learn not to get on the damn things.

    And the biggest and hardest lesson for me to learn (as one who was like butter on a hot pancake with the right words) was, WORDS ARE JUST WORDS…no matter how eloquently written or how beautiful they sound whispered in your ear. Without action, they’re meaningless.

    Great post, Peter!

  10. Wormer says:

    Love is and should always come easy. It’s the trust, respect, compromise and balancing of two lives that’s the hard part and needs to be worked on constantly.

    And speaking of love, I love this post. You may not qualify it as “real writing” but I love coming back to reading your blog and having these nice posts to partake in.

  11. Jess says:

    Be true.
    Do your best to forget the heart ache because you’ll always go back for more.
    Love someone who loves you, simply put love is so much better when its oozing from both parties.

  12. I am featuring this post in my weekly wrap-up this week. I love it.

    To add to the list of things, I have something new I am focusing on in new relationships: unconditional like. If I don’t feel it for the guy or feel he is unconditionally liking me, I run. It isn’t going to get better. I happen to like me just the way I am so I really don’t want to be with someone who nags me to change.

    Can I learn so that I don’t hurt the person? Absolutely, but I won’t make any big changes to who I am.

    Thanks for the true, but funny male version of finding “the one.”

  13. Yeah, I’m going to need that printed and laminated so I can refer to it when I start going down the wrong path. Again.

    Trust actions more than words, no matter how deliciously alluring the words might be.

  1. June 12, 2011

    […] Peter wrote a post called Professor Pete’s Lesson in Looooove. He shares his take on love and what to look for in a relationship. Peter gives great advice to […]

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