Professor Pete’s Lessons in Looooooooooooove
Not long ago, I noticed an interesting pattern in the last three girlfriends I’ve had.
Seriously though, there are some strange coincidences and it made me wonder if I have a type.
Or if they do.
Then after some thinking — and a couple episodes of Top Chef Canada — I realized that they are such wildly different people that it really doesn’t matter. And that we’re all where we’re supposed to be.
Well I am at least.
It did make me wonder what else I’ve learned relationship-wise over the (many) years.
So I wrote this post to share my thoughts with you.
Man, I’ll do anything to avoid real writing.
– “You’re awesome… just not awesome for me” is legit. It is. You can think someone is explosively ridiculously wonderful and yet know you’d drive each other insane within about five and a half minutes of dating.
– Sometimes it’s better to watch a show than star in it.
– People don’t change… but they can learn. It’s whether they remember what they learn that determines if they are a keeper or not. As well as how quickly your hair does its Anderson Cooper imitation.
– If you can’t figure out how to talk about the little things, you’re oh so very much screwed when it comes to the big stuff.
– I just wrote “Fog is much different than the dark. The fog teases you with what you can’t see. The dark let’s you imagine what you otherwise could.” Then I realized it had nothing to do with this post. Or does it…?
– Never be in a relationship if the other person isn’t completely distraught if they hurt you. Likewise, you should get the fuck out if you’re not completely distraught if you hurt them.
– If business is all “location location location,” relationships are all “timing timing timing.” For example, you really want to pick the right moment for something like, “So… what do you make of that Sister Wives situation?”
– Ignoring fundamental differences because of laziness, a killer rack or “ohmygodidon’twanttobethirtyandsingle!” is bad bananas.
– If they’re not someone you’d otherwise want to be friends with, they’ll eventually make you want to run for the border, where you’ll earn a living as a masked Mexican wrestler named El Lobo Grande.
– If thinking about not being with them doesn’t make your stomach do that droppy thing and give you eversosadface, then you might as well cut your losses and practice your speech for friends and family that “1 in 5 relationships now begin on online dating sites… basedonstatsprovidedbyonlinedatingsites.”
– You know already. You do. Listen to the little voice in your head. Unless, of course, it tells you to burn things. Lots of things.
– If you meet a girl who sets her alarm for a little bit earlier than necessarily in the morning so she can watch Full House before work…
She’s a special one.
Cut. It. Out.
What have you learned about relationships? Don’t you hate it when bloggers ask questions at the end of posts to get comments? Me too. Now answer.