Peter & Eleni’s Infinite Conversation… on Double Standards Part 2

Eleni and I are at it again.   We got a bit off-topic.  But the main thing to remember is:  

She’s jealous of my delightfulness.

To read part one, and see what we’re yapping about, you should probably go here.

*****

Peter:

Haha. While I think “grade A douche” may be a bit strong for me, even on my worst days, I get your point. I can be judgmental, thin-skinned, cranky, and assorted other things.

Though I think you’re assuming that all I get is public and private adoration for my blog.

I do get a lot of nice feedback. And I appreciate every bit of it.

But I hear some negativity too.

You know that Ashley and I started our Obnoxious Love blog. And you would think that people would read the title and know what they were getting. But some still bitched about it. To me that’s like going to SportsIllustrated.com and commenting that “Wow. There’s, like, too much sports and stuff here.”

Some of the feedback came in emails from friends. Things like, “Haha. You two are RIDICULOUS.” Which, of course, is fine. Friends can rib each other.

We also had to put up with very negative tweets that just straight-up called it out. Which, of course, given the medium is “legal.” But, to me, it breaks the “blog friends code.” (I should mention that I try to live my life by a system of codes that exist only in my head, and, possibly, the middle ages. And I do see the folly in being disappointed when people break a code they don’t know exists. Yet… I feel like it should be common sense.)

If you can’t take pleasure in the happiness of others, it says much more about you than it does about them.

You know?

Apparently this chat is getting us both riled up. Let’s get back on topic.

I HAVE read your book. And it’s awesome. And everyone should buy it.

I hate to be repetitive, but I strongly feel like the right guy will love your own brand of slightly-high-maintenance-that-is-totally-worth-it. He’ll… get it.

Though I also feel that an important quality to look for in a guy is that he pays attention. Like, close attention. He remembers shit. Even little things. And, equally importantly, he later uses that information to show that he understood.

If you tell him that blue berry muffins improve your day, he should bring you one (or six) when you’re going through a rough period.

Things that matter to you should matter to him.

(I can’t even see the original topic from here.)

The more you tell me about these self-help/dating books, the more I’m tempted to write one. Seriously. Or start a blog about it. Or become a social/love life coach.

I see women giving each other advice on Twitter sometimes and I cringe. I know you have to be supportive of friends, but you’re doing them no favours if you tell them things that are so far off the mark.

Is it just me, or does this conversation between us seem more rambly than the last?

Let me try to sum up this section thusly:

Wear your earrings as big as you want.

And ask out the guy that compliments them.

*****

Eleni:

You’re right, this conversation is kind of all over the place. We’ve gone from double standards in blogging and dating to ranting about blogging etiquette to dating advice. And then we’ve somehow taken all of that and applied it to the battle of the sexes.

We should write a self-help/dating book together. I’d whine about how hard it is to find a guy and you’d say stuff like “Wear your earrings as big as you want. And then ask out the guy that compliments them.” In fact, that should be the title of our book. (It’s a bit long but we’ll make it work.)

Seriously. The world needs your genius and my insecurities. Together, we’d find the answers to questions that have stumped the rest of mankind for millennia.

I believe this because I dig up my doubts and worries and hand them to over to you and you take them and turn them into sparkly diamonds.

Here’s what I’m taking away from this infinite conversation.

All people want to be told that they’re liked for exactly who they are. But for there to be any chance of this happening, we’ve first got to show who we really are.

From here on out, Coach, I’m going to write to my future Husband with as much honesty, hope and emotion as I want.

I hope you continue to write the most Obnoxious Love Letters to Ashley as you want.

*****

Peter:

You summed it up perfectly.

And I was going to leave it end on that note. Especially since you mentioned my “genius.” But, you know me, I wanted to add one more thing.

I told Ashley the other day that “If your romantical writing is annoying the bitter and jaded, that just means you’re doing it right.”

I’d tweak it slightly for you:

If your hopeful and honest writing is annoying the hopeless and bitter, that just means that you’re doing it right.

And that you should keep the hell on doing it.

Texas forever.

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10 Responses

  1. Pops says:

    Here’s my theory of “attraction”. The more emotional you are, the more you will be attractive to people who need emotion in their lives. The more intellectual you are, the more you will be attractive to people who need intellect in their lives. And, if and when you find a nice balance between emotion and intellect, you will be attractive to people who have a nice balance of emotion and intellect. More often than not, people seek relationship with people who balance out their own personality. It is not that opposite attract so much as people use relationship to establish balance in their lives instead of finding that balance within themselves.

    As to the double standard, it remains the case that men are presumed to be more intellectual (in their head as opposed to their emotions), so when they show feelings, they are assumed to be in balance. But, more to the point, relationship for women is an emotional event so they are attracted to the emotion. Emotion is for relationship. On the other hand, women are presumed to be emotional and when they are not, and are in their heads, men do not see them as balanced but rather as uninterested in a relationship (because emotions are for relationships). Intellect is for competing ideas. When men are in their heads, they are in a competitive mode. So when a woman is in her head, she is not viewed as balanced by the male but as a competitor. Not really fair but it is what it is. Only when people can stop making assumptions about each other based on gender and understand that a full relationship has both emotional and intellectual components can the double standard be eliminated.

  2. Melissa says:

    The two of you really should write a book! Also, I’m loving the metaphors between the two of you, seriously. Why is it that metaphors always seem to sum out conversations the best?

    I also seem to have a list of codes in my brain that people seem to break without actually knowing they’re part of the system… But seriously, isn’t this system just common sense like you said? I think it’s pretty dumb of people to be commenting negative things about your blog with your girlfriend when the title of it is pretty common sense. Then again, people will always have ridiculous things to say at the wrong moments. Such is life.

    Thanks for sharing all these letters with Eleni! The two of you really are rather insightful :)

    • Eleni Zoe says:

      *Bows gracefully*

      But I would also like to add, because I didn’t address it in the letter. This ‘common-sense’ thing you guys are talking about. It doesn’t exist. You know that right? My ‘common-sense’ and your ‘common-sense’ might have nothing in common. :)

  3. Lindsay says:

    I’m loving this back and forth.

  4. Angela says:

    I’m enjoying this, too – and I would read the book. :)

  5. Ameena says:

    YES! Book please! I feel like it could be the next, “he’s just not that in to you” but i would actually enjoy reading it because it would be honest and applicable and written by the two of you. Love these conversations! Please keep em coming :)

  1. September 19, 2011

    […] Check out Part 2 on Peter’s blog here.  […]

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