Before reading this, you should go read Part 1 on Eleni’s blog.
So what you’re saying is that guys deal with break-ups similarly to the way women do? Cool. I thought as much.
The part of your letter that did kind of surprise me was this:
“[H]ow a man reacts to a break-up depends on which of these HE classifies it as.”
THANK YOU. And also, OF COURSE. *Double facepalm*
This goes a long way in explaining the reason that the men who have dumped me have thought I’m a crazy person. And this goes a long way in explaining the reason I’ve thought those men are heartless, unfeeling robots.
They probably classified the break-up as the first kind: “Early on. Just didn’t work out.” But I was the one who’d been dumped on her pretty little bum, so I didn’t exactly react in the manner one would expect.
When you’re the one that has been dumped, especially early on, you lose it a little bit. Sometimes, you lose it a lot. Sometimes, you’ll sing along to Beyonce “Why don’t you love me, when I make me so damn easy to love” while you’re driving. And you’ll do it so loudly that your fellow road travellers smirk at each other. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
Not only do I feel better about my own reaction (though, not the singing), but I also understand their reaction a bit better. Basically, it boils down to this:
We weren’t on the same page to begin with which led to a break-up. This means that we’re not going to be on the same page in the aftermath of the break-up.
(I can’t believe I had to spell that out to myself.)
I think this is reason break-ups are sometimes so hard to accept. The person’s reaction after the break-up is a reflection and a confirmation of the way they actually viewed the relationship as well as the way the relationship will be stored in their memory.
And when my view and his view don’t align, it can be so disappointing. Sometimes, it’s outright painful. Especially when you were led to believe that you were on the same page until the very moment he ended it.
Which brings me to one final question: Do men need closure in the way women do? Do you need to have THE conversation? Do you want to know the reason it didn’t work out?
I think the length and seriousness of a relationship determines whether or not a dude needs closure.
In general, I think men require time more than specific reasons why it didn’t work out. This may or may not have something to do with how long it takes a bruised ego to heal.
So once a relationship ends, men want to start the clock on moving on. Much like WHEN OUR FRANCHISE QUARTERBACK GETS INJURED AND WE JUST WANT TO GET THE DAMN SEASON OVER WITH.
Sorry. I may have gone to a dark place there.
Keeping in mind that, despite what some women seem to think, all men are unique little flatulent snowflakes, here is my equation for figuring out how long it will take a dude to get over a relationship:
length of time together / drama she caused + hotness of her butt* – number of different sports currently being shown on TV = TTGOHA (Time to Get Over Her Ass)
(*or boobs, depending on his preference.)
Do you feel more informed now?
Yes, thank you. I feel much more informed now, and I’m sure the person who googled, “How do men feel after a break-up?” is also satisfied with your answer. I’m satisifed, but I’m a little bummed to tell you the truth.
When we get into these conversations, I sometimes wish there was just one simple answer. For example: It takes 24 days 5 hours 42 minutes and 8 seconds for a man to get closure. (24 days 5 hours 42 minutes and 9 seconds if he’s a boob man) Simple answers make sense. But when you bring out equations with variables that vary and you say things like “…all men are unique little flatulent snowflakes”, I feel despondent and exhausted.
I guess what I’m saying is this: I really, really, really hope that there’s no break-up in my forseeable future. ‘Cause dude or gal, ass man or boob man, robot or emotional mess, break-ups blow.
Can I have some white chocolate covered Oreos now?