People have always come to me for advice.
Maybe it is my kind eyes.
Maybe it is my reassuring height.
Or maybe it is the “pretending to listen” face I mastered in grade 3.
Frequently it has been women looking for help with guys.
And I always do my best to give good advice.
Even to an ex-girlfriend, like minutes, after we broke up.
But it hasn’t always been easy to… hold back my natural bluntness.
Even now, I have an Ashley on each shoulder and both of them are telling me to “Be nice, Peter.”
My default setting is “nice.”
Nice with a bit of “Can’t we use some common sense? Just once?”
I come from a close family. However we’re a close family that calls it likes we sees it.
“That’s the dumbest fucking idea I’ve ever heard.”
So female friends might get a “Yeah, you’re not going to find love during Fleet Week. Go the fuck home and hug your cat.”
Often my advice is of the “overprotective older brother” variety.
“No. You don’t look fat. But is ‘Yay! Areolas coming soon!’ the statement you really want your outfit to be making?”
Not sure why someone who dresses like I do has gotten so many fashion questions.
Though I do now know that it wasn’t nice to reply with:
“The last time I saw shoes that ugly, they were sticking out from under a house that just landed in Oz.”
“They look like something a gay storm trooper would wear.”
Sometimes I’ll take your questions as an opportunity to let you learn on your own.
“A guy in a Ed Hardy shirt just asked for my number. Should I give it?”
I’ll reply with:
Teach a woman to fish… and she won’t bone sketchy fisherman.
So I’ve decided to take the logical next step.
I am opening a Common Sense Life Coaching business.
Instead of buying that next drink, or God forbid, Sex and the City DVDs, Twitter DM your question/problem and Paypal me $10. I’ll reply with the common sense that you so greatly need.
Paypal me $20 and I won’t use expletives.
I look forward to working with you.