Outnumbered and Outflanked

This morning The ACN decided that she wanted me to take her to visit The Monkey at her grandparents’ house.

However, The ACN was still in her jammies. I can be a fairly persuasive dude, from time to time, and figured that I could talk her into getting dressed, but she was having none of my charm.

So, we went over with her in her jammies. When we arrived, The Monkey opened the door… also in her jammies. It just felt like a bad sign.

Within moments they were on The Monkey’s grandmother’s computer and playing Webkinz. Over the past couple weeks, I’ve raised 10,000 in Kinz Cash.

Within 3 minutes, there was a 1000 left.

And what was I doing at this point?

I was standing beside them feeding ACN pieces of string cheese.

Spoiled? Naaaaaaw.

A little while later, they were playing some other pet adopting website dealie. And I was kneeling beside ACN, still feeding the cheese. I get up, letting loose an “Ouch” or two. The Monkey grins at me and asks, “Getting old?”

I GRRRRR. They both giggle.

I walk out to the living room and am there for 14 seconds when I hear “Unc!”

I go back into the room and see them both sitting there smiling quietly. I know that they’ve been up to no good. I look at the computer screen.

“Uhm… poodle, did you name your cat ‘Shitty the kitty’ by any chance?”

The ACN morphed into Barney Rubble and “ah hee hee ah hee hee hee”d.

I fed some more cheese.

On the next similar site, they adopted a cat and named it “Peter.”

And then they made it pee on a bed.

Since the little turds were having so much fun together — mostly torturing me — I asked The ACN if she wanted to invite The Monkey over for lunch. (Take out.) I took the squeals of delight as a yes.

I asked The Monkey if she would get dressed. However, the selection of clothing she had at her grandparents’ house displeased her in some way. So, I had to take two pajama-clad goofs to The Monkey’s house for her to find suitable clothing.

Eventually we made it back to my place, talked The ACN into letting The Monkey pick out an outfit for her too — “It’s a SKORT, Peter!” — and then they immediately got on my computer. Back to Webkinz World.

A few minutes of unnerving silence later, I heard “Unc!” I walked into the room and saw that they had just finished making a Webkinz movie. Based on the gleeful looks of anticipation on their little mugs, I was assuming that it was more Anti-Uncle Pete Propaganda.

And I was right.

The film opened with a pretty puppy princess standing next to a rugged-looking, eye patch-wearing, bear pirate.

It is called “Uncle Pete!”

Princess: Oh no! It is the meanest boy in the world. It is…

Pirate: I am Uncle Pete.

Princess: Please don’t hurt me, meanie!

Pirate: I just like to scare people, I don’t like to hurt them.

Princess: You are mean.

Pirate: I won’t hurt you.

Princess: I don’t know. I think you might hurt me.

Pirate: If I did, you would just run home.

Princess: I have to go. Thank you for not hurting me. Bye!

Pirate: Bye.

Then I looked at a smiling ACN. I asked, “Is Uncle Pete really a mean boy?” She said, “Yeah!” I fake sniffled. And she couldn’t hold back a “HA! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

I am trying to convince them to take a little nap.

Pray for Mojo.

EDIT: The nap idea didn’t fly.

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  1. Eve says:

    Shitty the Kitty! Hahahaha.

    Were you wearing your jammies? The fire truck ones?

  2. sybil law says:

    Hilarious!
    I don’t know how you can stand the webkinz stuff – it kiiiills me!
    Shitty the Kitty = hahahahahaha.
    You are an excellent uncle, and she knows it.

  3. Airam says:

    Awwwwwwww ….

    You’re so good with kids!!!

  4. Mood Indigo says:

    Hilarious! I want to see an Uncle Pete webkinz character sometime :)

  5. Caitlyn says:

    Holy crap, how cute are these kids?

    And I freakin’ love the Shitty the Kitty name. It almost makes me want to get a cat and name it that. We call my little dog “Pisser” because he sort of pees when he gets excited.

  6. molly says:

    Oh haaaai, I got a comment from Peter. I feel so special!

  7. mindy says:

    What is the deal with Webkinz? The kiddies love it.

    Me? I love naps. It would be incredibly easy to talk me into a nap. I don’t think kids appreciate being kids enough, damnit.

  8. lfar says:

    Hey- I’m trying to link to this post but I can’t find a permalink. Usually with blogger I can just click the post title… not so with yours. Is something broken or am I just not seeing the obvious?

  9. Peter says:

    eve: It was my Spiderman footy jammies!

    sybill: Thanks! I think she likes me. Especially the part where she can completely control me.

    airam: Thanks! They are good little poops.

    mood indigo: I should do a screen capture. The pirate Uncle Pete bear had five o’clock shadow, so that was pretty bang on.

    caitlyn: ha! Is Pisser’s middle name “get new carpet each year?”

    molly: Hi! I’m glad. those cookies sound yummy.

    mindy: You are SO right. I offer to nap with The ACN but she won’t go for it. Though she usually pretends she is going to, until I get comfy.

    lisa: The time listed under the post is the permalink. I have no idea why. In this case it is: http://www.islemadame.com/blog/2007/08/outnumbered-and-outflanked.html

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