Outnumbered and Outflanked
However, The ACN was still in her jammies. I can be a fairly persuasive dude, from time to time, and figured that I could talk her into getting dressed, but she was having none of my charm.
So, we went over with her in her jammies. When we arrived, The Monkey opened the door… also in her jammies. It just felt like a bad sign.
Within moments they were on The Monkey’s grandmother’s computer and playing Webkinz. Over the past couple weeks, I’ve raised 10,000 in Kinz Cash.
Within 3 minutes, there was a 1000 left.
And what was I doing at this point?
I was standing beside them feeding ACN pieces of string cheese.
A little while later, they were playing some other pet adopting website dealie. And I was kneeling beside ACN, still feeding the cheese. I get up, letting loose an “Ouch” or two. The Monkey grins at me and asks, “Getting old?”
I GRRRRR. They both giggle.
I walk out to the living room and am there for 14 seconds when I hear “Unc!”
I go back into the room and see them both sitting there smiling quietly. I know that they’ve been up to no good. I look at the computer screen.
“Uhm… poodle, did you name your cat ‘Shitty the kitty’ by any chance?”
The ACN morphed into Barney Rubble and “ah hee hee ah hee hee hee”d.
I fed some more cheese.
On the next similar site, they adopted a cat and named it “Peter.”
And then they made it pee on a bed.
Since the little turds were having so much fun together — mostly torturing me — I asked The ACN if she wanted to invite The Monkey over for lunch. (Take out.) I took the squeals of delight as a yes.
I asked The Monkey if she would get dressed. However, the selection of clothing she had at her grandparents’ house displeased her in some way. So, I had to take two pajama-clad goofs to The Monkey’s house for her to find suitable clothing.
Eventually we made it back to my place, talked The ACN into letting The Monkey pick out an outfit for her too — “It’s a SKORT, Peter!” — and then they immediately got on my computer. Back to Webkinz World.
A few minutes of unnerving silence later, I heard “Unc!” I walked into the room and saw that they had just finished making a Webkinz movie. Based on the gleeful looks of anticipation on their little mugs, I was assuming that it was more Anti-Uncle Pete Propaganda.
And I was right.
The film opened with a pretty puppy princess standing next to a rugged-looking, eye patch-wearing, bear pirate.
It is called “Uncle Pete!”
Princess: Oh no! It is the meanest boy in the world. It is…
Pirate: I am Uncle Pete.
Princess: Please don’t hurt me, meanie!
Pirate: I just like to scare people, I don’t like to hurt them.
Princess: You are mean.
Pirate: I won’t hurt you.
Princess: I don’t know. I think you might hurt me.
Pirate: If I did, you would just run home.
Princess: I have to go. Thank you for not hurting me. Bye!
Then I looked at a smiling ACN. I asked, “Is Uncle Pete really a mean boy?” She said, “Yeah!” I fake sniffled. And she couldn’t hold back a “HA! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”
I am trying to convince them to take a little nap.
Pray for Mojo.
EDIT: The nap idea didn’t fly.