Ooops, I Did — Screw it, you know the rest

So, little Spears is preggers.

*golf clap*

There is nothing quite like sibling rivalry.

Or overachieving.

At this rate, she’ll be in rehab by 17.

Well done.

Other than to her and her family, and to the producers trying to figure out how to write this into the “plot” of Zoey 101, this isn’t really a big deal. I mean, come on, haven’t we all been knocked up or knocked someone up at 16.

No? Oh. Never mind.

When watching this on CNN Headline News early this morning, I heard one of the funniest things ever.

EVER.

They said that this pregnancy announcement will likely delay the release of Lynne Spears’ (the mother) book on parenting.

Parenting.

Let that sink in for a bit.

I laughed SO hard.

I would want to read that book. For real. However, there are a few others that I would probably have to check out first.

These include:

“O.J. Simpson’s Guide to Impulse Control and Good Decision Making”

“Hitler’s Hanukkah Stories”

George Michael’s “Use the Washroom BEFORE You Leave Home.” (with forward by Sen. Larry Craig.)

“Pam Anderson (Lee Rock Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure Stu Simpson) on Marriage”

Alec Baldwin’s “Putting the Fucking Dirty Little Pig Kids First”

Lindsay Lohan’s “Healthy Liver, Happy Life.”

and

“Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Queen of the Desert”

Feel free to add your own.

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22 Responses

  1. Princess Extraordinaire says:

    Love the book on parenting by Lynne Spears – what a dichotomy! I am just wondering what Disney/Nickelodean will say when they have a pg 16 y/o on their hit show!

  2. Jess says:

    I am not creative enough to come up with more of these, but yours made me laugh out loud.

  3. lspoon says:

    I love thinking about what Britney Spears is doing to torment Jaime right now.

    “Haha, at least I got married before I had my babies. And I was totally old enough to have babies. And ooh cheetos!”

  4. Stephanie says:

    Too funny, Peter. As usual.

  5. Clink says:

    Dude, I snorted my coffee.

    And maybe would like to add “Tom Cruise’s Guide To Being a Straight Man.”

    And little Spears? There are no words.

  6. Michelle and the City says:

    oh and the book could be co-authored by his father!

  7. each of the two says:

    effin’ A people! educate your own damn kids about sex!

    “George Bush on playing…er, BEING President”

    the new leapfrog learning world geography voiced by Miss South Carolina.

    “Kim Jon Il’s guide to Democracy and freedoms”

    R Kelleys “Children’s interactive games and crafts”

    i could go on forever…

  8. Kathy says:

    Too funny.

    I have nothing to add other than I’m trying to imagine someone saying “Lynn Spears’ book on parenting” without a shred of irony.

    (This is why I dropped out of journalism school.)

  9. distractedspunk says:

    I giggled, but at the same time, having worked in the publishing industry, I felt horrendous for the editor working on the book. That’s a pretty crappy thing to have happen to you. But yeah, I think that made my night last night.

    It’s too early in the morning to be witty. I should have woken up in about ten minutes from now.

  10. Caitlyn in the Rye says:

    I know, I love that she started writing it after Britney was in rehab for the thirtieth time or whatever.

    I think it’s even funnier that Britney didn’t even know that her sister was preggers until she was out and saw it in a tabloid.

  11. mindy says:

    “O.J. Simpson’s Guide to Impulse Control and Good Decision Making”

    I spit my diet coke out when I read this. Holy crap, that was great.

  12. Coal Miner's Granddaughter says:

    Breaking the Cocaine Habit by Amy Winehouse

    OR

    Avoiding Insider Trading Pitfalls by Martha Stewart

    That’s all I got, dude!

  13. Susie says:

    Hahaha sooo funny. Seriously though, what a mess. I’m never having kids. Seriously. I feel bad for every parent whose kids watch that Nickelodeon show.

    I don’t know what that mother is thinking. Hahaha.

  14. blogging says:

    you, my dear friend, are hilarious. i bask in the glow of your comedic genius.

    ok, that might be a little much. but you ARE pretty damn funny. thanks for making me laugh out loud :)

    ohhh little spears. there are no words.

  15. theselittlemoments says:

    Hahaha this is why I love you.

    Nicole Richie’s Holiday Cookbook.

  16. B2G says:

    You mean people don’t want to know what to do to make their kids turn out like hers?!

    I saw the same thing and just couldn’t believe it! But then I could. Sadly.

  17. toadely says:

    Well, we could get another title out of Lynne Spears. Something like, “The Day the Train Actually Wrecked.”

  18. Tia says:

    hahaaaaaaaaaaa that was so funny. and so are all of the previous comments!

    i think i’d like to read “Natural Beauty with Michael Jackson”

    poor mini-spears. have to say i’m not really surprised though.

  19. Paige Jennifer says:

    I don’t know what is worse – that the young Spears is in fact prego at 16 (courtesy of a boy she met at church (all together now – awwwwww)) or that I was actually SURPRISED this happened.

  20. Katie says:

    I swear to god you’re one of the funniest people I know!

    so clever.

  21. lfar says:

    soooooooooooo ridiculous

  22. libby says:

    oh j.h. christ that was the funniest post i’ve read all day. i cannot believe this! its the first i’ve heard of it!

    bill clinton: on marriage vows.
    tyra banks: on being humble

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