One side of an awkward conversation with an inanimate object #001

Yeah, it’s true. I am getting ready to order a new PC.

No, I’m not “replacing” you, per se.

I am sure it does feel that way, but things just aren’t working anymore.

I put a lot of time and effort into our relationship. I have upgraded every part the was possible over the years.

Don’t compare yourself to the new PC. Don’t do that.

It’s apples and oranges.

It’s a saying. Apples and —

No, I’m not getting a Mac.

At least I didn’t use you to shop for her online…

Can’t you focus on the good times? We’ve written screenplays, a kids book, and all kinds of other horseshit together. And you’ve stored and edited my favourite photos ever.

The relationships between men and machines often don’t last forever. Heck, you’ve seen Stephen King’s “Maximum Overdrive!”

No, it was Emilio Estevez.

Yes, I’m sure.

We are getting off topic. I just want to thank you for all your years of loyal service. You have helped me accomplish things and meet cool people. I’ll always appreciate you for that.

Come on. Can’t we just take the high road on this?

Fine! I want my most recent draft of the paintball screenplay and the Dido CD back.

I am holding it for a friend.

Yes I am.

Don’t you judge me.

It really doesn’t have to be this way.

Wow… You write to your mother with that font??

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5 Responses

  1. Janet says:

    And if the new computer was a mac, what then? No need for such a conversation again perhaps? ;) Just a suggestion.

  2. Peter says:

    Hmmm… I am intrigued.

    And my entire computer beliefs system is now offically rocked. Nice work, Janet.

  3. Dave says:

    Paintball screenplay, hmm? I thought of writing something like that once.

    Intriguing.

  4. Kate says:

    I have just stumbled across you and your little patch of internet. I am completely hooked.

    I am reading everything backwards (forwards?) from the beginning and laughing out loud so often that my roommate keeps pointedly turning up the tv.
    I actually did a spit take with a mouth full of diet coke coke yesterday. The cat is still skittish.

    I am a notorious lurker. I read a lot of stuff online, but never comment. That being said, I am breaking through the cone of silence to ask – is the paintball screenplay somewhere in the archives ahead of me?

    Keeping the hope alive,

    Kate

    -just realized that notorious lurker is an oxymoron. This is why i don’t comment; makes me look like a buffoon. Meh.

  5. Bella says:

    Look, another lurker above me! I feel like I’m a poser now. Oh well, back to reading all of your blog from years ago. Fun times.

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