Not many of you know that I am a world-renown lyricist.
A few of the things I’ve written include:
Chicago’s “25 or 6 to 4.”
O-Town’s “Liquid Dreams.”
The Armenian national anthem. (Mer Hayrenik like a mother fucker!)
I haven’t written any songs in a while. But, that is about the change.
The Britney Spears story… I had to say something. And I think I say things best with my lyrics, you know? So, I woke up early this morning and wrote this. I hope it means as much to you to read it as it did for me to write it.
(Please note: The spoken sections are italicized.)
You know I love you, Britney. Our time together was magic. But, girl… what happened?
Baby, where did it all go wrong.
Once you had my heart.
And now I’m writing a song,
About how you tore it all apart.
I knew that things were bad,
When I saw you in your car.
Camera flashes illuminating,
The jagged c-section scar.
C-section scaaaaar across my heart.
And the way you dress, girl.
You used to have a knack.
Now it’s like you’re sticking ten pounds of shit,
Into a five pound sack.
And not a pretty sack.
Noooooo not a pretty sack.
You once made me laugh,
calling people from Maine “exotic.”
Look at you now,
Bitch, what was up with “Chaotic?”
If we got back together,
I know your heart would sing.
I miss looking into my boxers,
And seeing an orange Cheetohs ring.
I offered you my ring.
I offered you it all.
You replied with, “Rhubarb,
Rhubarb, purple lampshade, y’all.”
And I didn’t understand.
That shit was indecipherable.
Indecipherable with loooove.
Where the fuck you get those wigs at?
I was the one that knocked up your sister.
I only dated you because Mandy Moore wouldn’t put out.
I send you… my love.
– Copyright 2008 El Lobo Grande Musical Publishing