Now that's an unfortunate handle.

There is this guy named Ralph Fuck.

He hates his last name. For obvious reasons.

It doesn’t matter that it is Romanian. Or that, when pronounced correctly, it actually rhymes with “dusk.”

Ralph knows that last names affect how people view you. His friend with the last name Schindler never, ever writes anything in point form. Think about it.

Ralph’s favourite actor is Andy Dick and his favourite athlete is Rudy Gay. He figured that they could feel his pain.

Ralph never played organized sports. He thought that the name on the back of his jersey would be too much for the other players to resist.

And he already heard every possible insult: fuck face, fuck nuts, fuck knob, , fuck fuck, fuck fuck fuckernose, fuuuuuucker, pig fucker, johnny fucklips, fuck toes, fucky j. fuckington esq, fuck job, and Ray Romano.

He has a big nose.

Ralph pretty much gave up dating at some point in his teens. Even the ladies were ribbing on him. And he was sure he’d have to lead a solitary existence. Until he met her.

She was gorgeous. She was smart. And her great great grandfather, upon arriving at Ellis Island, changed their surname to the WORST possible short version of the original Cuntmigliacodisgiacomo.

She gets him.

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  1. Heather says:

    Brilliant post. Quite funny.

  2. Peter says:

    Thanks, Heather!

    And welcome!

  3. Steph says:

    Poor guy. But i suppose it could be worse.

    Imagine if it were Gaifuker? My father swears blind he knew a German guy with that surname. Said with an Aussie accent it’s very clearly GAY FUCKER.

  4. Peter says:

    steph: Aussie accents rule.

    Wow. “Gay fucker.” With a name like that you better learn to fight, have thick skin.

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