It sneaks up on you.
The day wasn’t bad. It wasn’t. You barely had to fake it at all.
There were a couple moments, but everyone has those moments, right?
Man, even your ponytail is stressing you out.
You wish you didn’t say that thing you said. But people who love you will understand. 9 out of 10 times no one else remembers the things that seem like such a big deal to you.
You wish you didn’t say that thing you said.
Crying doesn’t do it.
Hitting something doesn’t do it. But let’s try it again with a scream.
Why does everysinglegoddamnedthing remind you of something horrible?
You shouldn’t have an ‘hours until sunrise’ app.
Friendly voices. Just in the background. There is always something about Ross & Rachel.
They were clearly on a break.
How is it Words With Friends when none of your asshole friends will play words? Though it is 1:44 am on a Wednesday. And it is possible that they’re not sitting on the couch wanting to claw their own skin off.
Maybe you should clean. The place could use it. Well, not really. Maybe you should clean. But cleaning will wake up the world. The awake world asks questions. You want to be left alone.
You want to be left alone, but not BE alone. How is that hard to understand?
Is that a stain on the cushion?
It’s a weird word.
You think yoga. But do you really want to be that aware of your body?
“You’ve been through this before and survived.”
Yeah? How about you go fuck yourself?
The dog farted. Possibly.
There’s no comfort in food.
You type. Then delete.
He won’t get it, even if he tries.
She’ll judge, and later call you paranoid for thinking that she will.
He’ll get it…
But he’s not yours.
She has her own stuff.
You can’t go tit for tattered. Not tonight.
You write, then delete. In your head.
It is slowing down? It might be slowing down. Oh shit, don’t jinx it.
Get back in bed. Slowly.
What if it keeps spinning forever?
Too much to think about.
Just stay there for a minute.
It is warm.
That duvet was a good purchase.
You can’t remember if it was on sale.
You just know that he’s going to be so wonderfully mad when he sees that you played “QI” on a triple word score.
“Santeria” is the song stuck in your head.
You run out of energy more than fall asleep.
But it’s okay. It is going to be okay.
I read ahead.
Tomorrow will be better.