New "Official" Crush

My uncle has a saying…

You can drive a lot of trucks, but never be a truckdriver.
But, if you suck one c–

You know, I think I’m going to go at this from another direction.

Things change when something becomes “official.”

Like when you are officially old enough to vote. Or officially old enough to drink. Being officially old enough to drive a car is a great thing. Being officially old enough to be tried as an adult isn’t.

Just recently I realized that I was officially too old to watch the new season of “Laguna Beach.”

Some of you might say that I have always been officially too old to watch “Laguna Beach.”

And, well, that would be accurate…

But, kinda mean. *sniffle*

[At this point you may think that I’m going to start talking about Lukas being named the lead singer of Supernova (or whatever the new band name will be.) But, I’m not the kind of guy to say “I told you so.” I am, however, the kind of guy who sits back with a smug smile that you want to punch off his face. Thankfully this is a blog, eh? And maybe the word “crush” in the title tipped you off that this wasn’t about Lukas…]

For the longest time, I didn’t even know who my crush was. She’d briefly flicker across my TV screen and then *poof* she was gone.

She is…

The girl from the Mercury ads.

The first time I saw her, I immediately thought, “Sweet banana fuck… that girl is 256 shades of hot. And, man, I totally feel like buying a Mercury Mariner now.”

Then weeks later, I’d see another ad. She’d look even hotter. Finally yesterday, I had to try a little googling to at least put a name with the face.

And google, once again, came through…

Jill Wagner.

So, ladies and gentleman, now has an official crush.

Exciting, no?

So, now if you see two people arguing on the subway about who the PDDC crush is, you’ll be able to defuse the situation.

Or if Alex Trebek asks it on Final Jeopardy – and you bet everything – you’ll be able to beat that know-it-all lawyer that went to Stanford.

And if you happen to meet the lovely Jill, perhaps at Target, buying the second season of “The Office” on DVD, then you’ll congratulate her on being the “official” crush. She’ll beam. You’ll gush. A single tear will stream slowly down her cheek.

It’ll be glorious.

Then maybe she’ll invite you to see [the band still sorta named Supernova] in concert with her. And you’ll both marvel at how electric a lead singer Lukas is.


0 thoughts on “New "Official" Crush

  1. I’m just devastated I have to compete with her for your affection.

    I’m off to sulk.

    And watch “Laguna Beach.”

    And call Lukas for a heated make-out session. Although, I’m afraid his heavy eye make-up will rub off on my face–which is a complete turn-off. Perhaps that is why I should also abandon you as my “official crush,” because everyone knows Peter DeWolf is at his best when he has his eyes did.

  2. I watched the second half of Rockstar last night and said to my girlfriend “Peter will be blogging about this tomorrow.” I’m surprised to find I was only half-right, though I’m not at all surprised it’s because you were compelled to focus more on a new crush :-)

    I think you ought to have a page somewhere with a list of your former and current crushes, celebrity or otherwise. It could be a fascinating, revealing look into what makes Peter DeWolf’s libido tick.

  3. kukka-maria: Because of my glorious past as a stage act-or, I have had to wear make-up. And, I’m not gonna lie, it really made my eyes pop.

    newmie: She is indeed blog-worthy, eh?

    James: For some reason I love that you were talking about my site to your gf in the real world. That also shouldn’t surprise you. Such an ego. ;) Back when I was just a wet behind the ears little livejournal’er, I used to mention my “celebrity crush of the moment.” And there were many. However, none of them were “official.”

  4. Poor “She Who Will Not Be Named”. My heart breaks for her.

    As for Lukas, I’d be lying if I didn’t see his victory coming from a mile away. That doesn’t change my opinion that Toby Rand would have been the better choice for the band. But that’s just me.

    Now, what I didn’t see coming was the winner in Canadian Idol. Chad Ducette.

  5. Dave:I hadn’t read anything about the Idol love match. Wow. Nice work by my fellow Nova Scotian.

    CBS kind of telegraphed the Lukas win a bit last night by using his original “Headspin” in a commercial for tonight’s Survivor premiere. This happened about 15 or 20 minutes before the announcement of the winner.

  6. I knew psychically (or just call it a hunch – your choice!) that you would find a way to bring Lukas into your post for today. Enjoy your fifteen minutes now, Lukas, because I assure you, that’s all you’re getting!

    As for Ms. Jill Wagner, I think it might take a little bit more for me to buy a Mercury Mariner. Perhaps if she was more like Mr. Opportunity with his fabulous lines and charming wit, I might be more inclined.

  7. So be it, Peter. Let me know if you want, and I can hook you up with my grandma. She’s loves the Mercury Mariner, as well as eating hard candy while she watches Wheel of Fortune.

  8. marina: I gotta be me. ;) And I think you are sleeping on Lukas’ songwriting skills. (Maybe even “skillz.” Ooooooh.) And, don’t worry, when he becomes hugely successful, I’ll remind you about this.

    LG: Your grandma sounds hot. (Maybe even “hott.” Oooooh.) Send a pic!

    steph: I think the appeal of Laguna is that it is something you can watch and have it annoy you enough to curse at the TV. Sometimes I enjoy that. from the moronic decisions the kids make, to the fact that they are driving BMWs and don’t have afterdchool jobs. AS for you having a crush on Ms. Wagner…

    Are we going to have to fight about this?

  9. This one is sort of “Crush Worthy”. (I would have said sponge worthy but wasn’t sure many would get the ref)
    Pete why not just contact her? Be your whitty self and maybe she'll be hopping on a plane for a little R&R with you…

    You can’t F$%^ a phantasy but it does make good copy.

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