netflix is fucking awesome, future wife

Hi, love.

I wonder sometimes – and I think it’s natural – but I wonder how many false alarms there’ll be before I find you.

Other times – thankfully less often – I wonder if those false alarms were/will be actual possibilities.

I’m watching a documentary right now, in bed, about Lemmy from Motorhead. I like to watch documentaries about artists when I’m not feeling particularly inspired. I love learning how they create what they create. I am awed by the impact they have on others.

You can find lessons anywhere, if you’re paying attention. And I always pay attention. Sometimes to a fault. Maybe.

Maybe.

They just interviewed Lemmy’s son. He told a story about his father dating a girl when he was young (late teens) and the girl dying of an overdose. Lemmy sat in a chair for three days afterwards. His son said that is why Lemmy never ended up marrying or settling down. He just loved that girl too much.

That is beautiful.

And terrifying.

What if I met you already and it just didn’t happen for us?

Jesus.

What if it’s my fault because I didn’t recognize you? What if I did and you screwed it up?

What if, despite my increasing stores of wisdom on the topic, I am still not looking for the right things?

The wrong priorities aren’t always labelled that way.

Lemmy, when asked about the girl, essentially said that he didn’t get the time to see all of her potential flaws, and that she was kind of frozen as some kind of perfection.

Or that’s how I heard it.

I can see truth in that. Though maybe it’s a story he tells to talk himself out of the possibility that she was the one.

I feel like I’ve told myself such things.

Hopefully not about you.

I don’t think so. Despite the doubts that creep up, I still feel like I’ll recognize you. My heart has met you many times. It will guide the things I say to you, as it guides my fingers now.

The credits just rolled on the Lemmy documentary.

Now I’m watching one about Neil Young. I don’t know yet what I’ll take away from it, but I am sure it’ll make me think about you.

Most things do.

Thus far I have been reminded that you don’t need a perfect voice to sing what’s in your heart.

So now I’ll post this letter to you,

I’m looking forward to you singing back.

Love,
Peter

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *