My MOSIUTSBOTBA With Tiffani Thiessen

[Peter note: This post falls under two categories. 1) Seemed like a good idea at the time. 2) Was MUCH funnier in my head. But, PDDC is all about not censoring yourself, so…]

By now many of you have seen MY DATE WITH DREW. It is the charming and uplifting story of a common schlub and his quest for a “date” with Drew Barrymore. I don’t want to ruin it for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet, but suffice it to say that it was an inspirational story.

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery – it narrowly edged out “I like your bum, where you from?” So, this very post is my humble homage to MY DATE WITH DREW. This too is a story of one man’s quest to fulfill a dream from his youth. It is…

MY MAKE-OUT SESSION INCLUDING UNDER THE SHIRT BUT OVER THE BRA ACTION WITH TIFFANI THIESSEN

(I am not sure what happened to the “Amber” either.)

Our tale begins in the care-free days of 1989. A show that was about to change to history of television began airing.

When I wake up in the morning
And the alarm gives out a warning

Once I heard these words, I knew that nothing would ever be the same. ‘Saved by the Bell’ had arrived.

We were introduced to Zach Morris, with all his scams and a cellphone bigger than a Buick. We were introduced to Mr. Belding’s laugh. We introduced the term “Screech” to our lexicon.

And we were introduced to a young Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.

There was no going back.

Tiffani later showed up on ‘Beverly Hills 90210.’

She was introduced to Luke Perry’s forehead, which was later used as a landing strip for the Concorde. She was introduced the David Silver’s music career. And she was introduced to Joe E. Tata. Still my favourite name in the history of show business.

Back to my quest…

The hairy dude from “My Date With Drew” was equipped with $1000, a video camera and a “6 Degrees of Separation…” plan. I am going to just use a blog and a “1 Degree of Separation…”plan. Yes, I am THAT badass.

Through some research, I’ve found out that Screech (who is trying to get us to call him Dustin Diamond now) has a website where he is trying to save his house, or some such. I decided that I would contact him first, in my attempt to swap spits with Tiffani Thiessen.

Screech —

Good luck with the whole house thing, homey.

But, I have a quest of my own. Have you seen MY DATE WITH DREW? Well, I am working on a project too, it is called:

MY MAKE-OUT SESSION INCLUDING UNDER THE SHIRT BUT OVER THE BRA ACTION WITH TIFFANI THIESSEN

I figured that since you dated that Violet girl — is it just me or did she look like Tori Spelling? — you would be willing to help a dude out.

Oh man, remember when Jessie got hooked on caffeine pills? That was wild, eh?

Anyway, any help you could give me in getting a chance to kiss Tiffani and touch her goodies a bit, would be just super.

Thanks!
Peter

Hmmmm… speaking of Tori Spelling, she has a website too. Ooooh and a “contact me” button:

Hi Tori —

How are you?

Have you seen MY DATE WITH DREW? Well, I’m doing something similar. It is called:

MY MAKE-OUT SESSION INCLUDING UNDER THE SHIRT BUT OVER THE BRA ACTION WITH TIFFANI THIESSEN

I saw what you and David Silver went through, so I know that you understand true love. And I saw how you didn’t judge him after that skanky music producer gave him crabs. That was awesome of you.

It would also be awesome if you could help me stick my tongue down Tiffani Thiessen’s throat a little.

Cool?

Thanks!
Peter

I really have a good feeling about how this is going.

AND I just found out that Tiffani’s production company has a website. And you can contact them through it! Score!

Hi Tiffani –

Big fan, big fan.

Have you seen MY DATE WITH DREW?

Well, I too have a quest. It is:

MY MAKE-OUT SESSION INCLUDING UNDER THE SHIRT BUT OVER THE BRA ACTION WITH TIFFANI
THIESSEN

Now, I know this may seem a bit out of the blue, but hear me out.

Firstly, I am a great kisser. So, I have that going for me, which is nice. Plus I have big hands and nimble fingers. So, really it’s win-win.

I realize that you are married now. But, do you really want to be with a guy who gets all bent out of shape just because you suck a little face and get fondled by a stranger from the internet? Come on. Where is the trust?

Anyway, I appreciate your consideration. I also really like the taste of Colgate winterfresh toothpaste. Just so you know.

Take care!
Peter

So, my mails have been sent. I guess I’ll just sit back and wait for her to send me a date and location.

This, my friends, is what Al Gore had in mind when he created the internet.

*high five*

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3 Responses

  1. James Cooper says:

    Godspeed DeWolf. For the sake of all mankind, Godspeed.

  2. Paul says:

    I know Tiffani.

    Should I put in a good word?

  3. Peter says:

    Paul: Absolutely, man. I’d be much obliged.

    Every day we go without meeting is just another missed opportunity for magic. *sniffle*

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