maybe i should open a bowling alley, future wife

Hey, you.

Did you think I’d go all week without saying “hi” to you?


So I was e-mailchatting with a friend yesterday.

We somehow got on the topic of the show “Ed” from a few years back.  (Ack.  A decade ago??)

We talked about the “I’ll give you a $1” bets from the show.

We debated Julie Bowen (or her characters?)  Cold vs flawed and real.

And then, of course, we got around to…

Grand romantic gestures.

We agreed that we are both huge fans of the way the “Ed” character shamelessly pursued Julie Bowen’s “Carol” character.

He just knew.

She was the one.

It may not surprise you, FW, that a dude writing letters to a Future Wife would be a fan of such things.

We also debated (a little) boys making grand dramatic gestures vs girls doing it.  She thought it was only charming when boys did it.  I disagreed.  If you want to don a suit of armor and profess your love to me, I’d be cool with that.  (Wear something underneath, armor causes rashes.)

I very much dig the whole “I like you and I think you’ll like me, so I’m just going to have to convince you that we should be together” vibe.  (aka The Stalker’s Creed.)

It’s those… moments.

You know?

The background fades away.

It all hinges on yes or no.

The excruciating wait.

The moment where anything is still possible, and when you are mere seconds away from potentially getting everything you’ve ever wanted.

Yeah, I’m gonna want to come up with the perfect marriage proposal for you.



And, really, it’s only a little about the setting, for me.

It’s the words.

I want to come up with the words that will take a great moment and make it completely… magical.

The words that will make your breath catch in your throat.

The words that will make the things that you sometimes struggle to say simply tumble out of your pretty mouth.

The words that will vanquish every doubt… pump up every dream… and make you KNOW that everything is going to be okay.


And, yeah, the words that, when re-told, will make your friends swoon to your face, while hating on you a little behind your back.

I’m like that.  It’s part of my charm.

It is.

I guess what I’m saying is that, when I meet you, you better prepare yourself.

Because, lady, sometimes “I fucking love you and that’s that” is just how it’s going to be.






photo credit: InvernoDreaming via photopin cc

13 thoughts on “maybe i should open a bowling alley, future wife

  1. I agree with Kelly. Please please clone yourself already – you’ll make all the single girls extremely happy.. “I fucking love and that’s that” I think I’ve just fallen for you and that’s that ;)

  2. Oh man, I love grand gestures of love! Love them. The only problem is I dream up good stuff in my head which rarely every (um, read never) happens to me in real life and then I’m a little disappointed.

  3. Stop making me cry at work! Damnit! And then burst out laughing 2 seconds later with the “your friends will swoon to your face” line. Jesus Chris Peter! That’s it, I take back that email and am now adopting the stalker’s creed. I blame you.

  4. “I fucking love you, deal with it” is one of the best things anyone ever said to me. Kinda sucks that my romantic life peaked at 20, doesn’t it.

  5. OMG. This entire post, in my brain, I kept thinking “Ed” was “Mr. Ed.” One is (apparently) a show about a man who shamelessly pursues the woman he loves, and the other is, obviously, a show about a talking horse.

    I kept trying to remember the episode when Mr. Ed pursued one of his female caretakers/friends. I failed.


  6. My proposal? Not so breathtaking, but sweet. I loved him, so it didn’t really matter what he said, I was going to marry him one way or another. It could have been a little more romantic, though. We were young. It was our 4 year anniversary, and we were 21.

    I’m sure FW will adore you, so don’t stress too much.

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