It is 5 am and the remnants of a hurricane are trying to tear the side off of the house…

So, it is Sunday morning.

Later today the Colts will play the Patriots.

I know that many of you start skimming (at best) as soon as I mention sports, but I promise this will be short. And it is important.

You see, this is more than a football game.

This is the classic battle of Good vs. Evil.

It’s really quite that simple.

Let’s compare, shall we:

Colts QB Peyton Manning: Married man. Great role model for kids.
Patriots QB Tom Brady: Knocking up broads all over the east coast. (Clearly “double coverage” is strictly a football term for this dude.)

Colts WR Marvin Harrison: Humble, quiet, unassuming star. One of the all-time greats.
Patriots WR Randy Moss: Once hit a meter maid with his car.

Colts Franchise: Places as much importance on character and what people do off the field as they do on game day.
Patriots Franchise: Videotaped opponents side line signs for years in order to gain an unfair, and illegal, advantage.

Colts Coach Tony Dungy: Highly respected, man of God, quiet strength, pure class.
Patriots Coach Bill Belichick: Biggest prick on earth.

I don’t want to be overly dramatic here…

But, cheering for the Patriots is like watching WWII and rooting for the Nazis because you admire the way they do business.

I’m just sayin’.

I should warn you all that if the evil Patriots win today, I am going to be in a sour mood. And it could last.

I’m not just going to be cranky, I am going to be mad.

Very GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

So, if you see me on the street, or google talk, you might want to cut a wide berth.

I already told my cousin in Boston that I don’t want to hear from her at all today.

And for even longer should her team win.

She said, “Likewise, dude.”

It’s a good thing we don’t take sports seriously in my family.

Go Colts!

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  1. Miriam says:

    And really, does New England need anything else to brag about this year? They’re already insufferable.

    http://lspoon.wordpress.com

  2. Princess of the Universe says:

    Have you ever considered going into law? You make a very convincing argument…

  3. Imperfectbitch says:

    Really, really, really. How can they not shun New England from the rest of the games forever and ever and ever is the biggest mystery EVER! … okay maybe not ever, but still, it’s up there.

  4. Becky says:

    Oh no…I was really beginning to like you, and now you reveal that you like the Colts?!?!

    How can you stand watching the “Manning Face” every time something goes wrong?

    I am really going to start questioning your sanity now.

  5. Clink says:

    Patriots QB Tom Brady: Ridiculously hot.
    Colts QB Peyton Manning: Not so much.

    As a Giants fan, that’s pretty much how I decided who to root for. Well that and my fiance might take back the ring if I root for the Colts.

  6. Michelle and the City says:

    skimming? sports? who me?

    (just please don’t ask me about anything you wrote in that post at a later date) ;)

  7. lfar says:

    sports? tldr.

    (kidding)

  8. Ashley says:

    Ummmmm….welllllll……i’m not a colts fan….and i’m not much of a patriots fan…but being that I am from new england i almost have to go with the patriots. And I agree with Clink. Tom Brady is so much hotter than Manning.

    Don’t hate because we have good taste ;-)

  9. Pinknest's Pal says:

    Just watched the wrap up on ESPN and that sucks! I would totally make something without Parmesan to cheer you up.

    -L

  10. Becky says:

    @Clink–Totally true. Brady is the hottest QB ever.

    The game was a close one but the better team pulled it off. Sorry Peter!

  11. Peter says:

    miriam: SO true. And the sports media are buying into it. UGH.

    princess of the universe: I did briefly consider it while in university. But, then I realized I’d have to apply myself in class. Seemed a bit drastic.

    imperfectbitch: YES! They cheat. I hate cheaters.

    becky: His face looks pretty much the same when things go right though.

    clink: You could have just refused to root at all! They are evilllllle.

    michelle: Fear not, I’ve already started to block out this post and the game itself.

    lisa: I am confused by this “tldr” of which you speak.

    ashley: I hear that you can get pregnant from just watching Brady on TV.

    pinknest’s pal: Awwwwwwww. That is very sweet of you. I now feel somewhat less rage-filled. I’m glad you dropped in.

    becky: GRRRRRRRRRRR.

  12. Becky says:

    Aww– don’t feel grumpy, Peter! I think that any other Sunday the Colts would have pulled it off. ;)

  13. Anonymous says:

    It’s funny, but I kind of felt the same way about this game. Especially the Peyton Manning vs. Tom Brady QB match-up. I’m really bummed they lost too. But you know, now the Colts have something to come back from. They have a blemish on their record for the season. They’re flawed like all great heroes (in the good vs. evil analogy). They’re not Mr. Perfect, with the perfect smile, and the perfect hair, and the perfect Brazilian supermodel girlfriend, and the perfect chin dimple, and the perfect three Superbowl rings. They tell you it’s okay if you have a little gut, just buy some bigger shirts. We’re still alright. Don’t lose faith. The season’s far from over.

    Meghna

  14. B2G says:

    Knocking up broads. Haha.

  15. fear.of.landing says:

    I guess Tom Brady is cute if you like a bit of pre-mullet hair on your man. If you prefer slightly imperfect and willing to laugh at themselves…well then, Peyton’s your man! (I have quite the little girl crush on Peyton Manning) The Patriots may have won, but the Colts put on a good show of it.

  16. kwarterlifecrisis says:

    I THINK I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU.

  17. angeltwin says:

    oh friend. Colts and Patriots. Two teams I love, and I was disappointed that the Patriots won. I really do love them both, but when it comes down to it, the Colts deserved to win.
    oh, and Brady is a douche who falls under my be tested before being allowed to reproduce. Lets hope he, as well as Leinert’s illegitimate son, grow up to be excellent athletes and inherit everything else from their mothers.

  18. angeltwin says:

    um…that was not obligation. That was pure love of freaking good football

    um, and sorry clink, Payton Manning is so my cup of tea

  19. Angela says:

    as a huge football fan, I couldn’t pass up leaving you a comment. Off topic first, you’re hilarious and have made this slow hour at work much more enjoyable. Back to football – I’m a Patriots fan. BUT I have the highest respect for Dungy and Manning. What you said about the players are true, although when you compare players on their game I don’t think their driving habits are a fair comparison. Granted Belichick was caught doing something he shouldn’t have, but he is not the first my friend! It was wrong, but they’ve proven themselves thus far. So next time you want to bash my Patriots :) stick to facts that actually have to do with the game of football, because that’s all that really matters on the field.

  20. mcgee says:

    and because of this post you are my new hero. not only do i love football (dude, i’m 8-1 in my fantasy league! yes!), but i hate me some patriots.

    are you still grumpy about the game? i know i am.

  21. ~**Dawn**~ says:

    Sheesh. I was just starting to enjoy your blog til I happened upon *this* entry. ;-)

    For the record, not all Boston sports fans are insufferable. Some of us have been Sox/Patriots fans since birth, as opposed to those who climbed on the bandwagon in the current decade. I, for one, am just enjoying the ride while it lasts, because all good things come to an end before you know it. And yes, I agree Belichick is an ass. Personally, I would rather just see some ball games rather than suffer through all the hype, even about my own teams.

    I will never ever root for the Yankees though. And Peyton needs to not cry when he loses. I can’t respect a man who cries because he lost a game he just got paid millions to play.

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