So it will surprise you not even a teensy bit to know that I’ve thought about buying you an engagement ring. A lot.
But I won’t buy a ring based on what’s popular, or the recommendations of your bestie, sister, your dog’s life coach, or anyone else on the planet.
I’m picking that sucker out.
This guy. (Imagine my two thumbs doing this.) (Imagine “this” as moving back towards my chest.) (Imagine my chest as Burt Reynolds circa 1973.) (Imagine 1973 as…)
And you better believe that I’m going to be putting some thought into which ring best suits you.
There will be a reason why I get you that ring. I mean, beyond that it’ll just look so awesome on your lovely finger.
There’ll be a good reason.
Maybe it’ll be based on something you said the first time we spoke.
Maybe they described it in Little Women.
Maybe it’ll look like the one your great great grandmother smuggled out of Scotland in some haggis. She probably won it in a rowdy, table-flipping poker game. I suspect she was a bit of a pistol.
I won’t put so much thought into your ring so it’ll be bigger than your friends’ rings.
Though, make no mistake, it’s going to be all bright and shiny.
Like you. (If you imagine my earnest lovey face, that line seems much less cheesy.) (I hope.)
Some things that are necessary when it comes to me selecting a ring for you:
1) UNIQUE – You, my darling, are a unique little snowflake. (One of a kind and melt on my tongue?) (Too naughty?) (Too many parentheticals in this post?) So your ring absolutely must be as well.
2) STYLE FIT – It has to be something that suits your style. Actually that sounds like a lot of pressure on me. It has to fit every single different thing you own and wear?? Orrrrrr I’ll make sure it is so damn pretty that it just goes with everything. Phew. That’s better.
3) YOU – It has to say… you. When I look at it the first time, and every time after, it has to look like something you’d be proud to wear.
4) CANADIAN – Canadian diamonds are better. I mean, I’ve seen that Leo DiCaprio movie. Shit is wacky. FYI: I typed #4 in a crappy South African accent.
5) NOT YELLOW GOLD – Now I have nothing bad to say about you yellow gold lovers. Mostly. It’s just… Big Pete has a vision, okay???
6) IMBUES YOU WITH SUPER POWERS – Instead of being able to make you fly or create green things out of nothing, this ring will help you convince me to go put your clothes in the dryer at midnight, shovel the snow in the morning, or give you a back rub any damn time you want.
Not that you’ll need the ring to actually remind you of me. I’ll be the tall guy scrambling your eggs and scraping ice off of your car.
I want the sparkle sparkle to catch your eye on a random Wednesday and make you think, “Damn, that dude REALLY loves me.”
Cause I do.
I can’t wait to slide it on your finger.
I can’t wait to catch you staring at it.
I can’t wait for you to Instagram it.
I can’t wait to see “#isaidyes”
And why will I put this much thought and effort into a single piece of jewelry?
I’ll do it because you love the things about me that I always wanted someone to notice and appreciate.
And that is so incredibly important to me.
I love you.