i’m going to suck at the beginning, future wife

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii, love.

I do quite a few things well. And I’ll be very eager to tell you about all of them in great detail. The beginning of relationships is NOT one of those things.

I overthink. A lot. And if I legit suspect someone might be, well, you…

It’s going to get bad.

I’ll spend so much time trying to make sure you’re comfy being yourself that I’ll sometimes forget to be myself.

I’ll want to be perfect, and then be all up in my head anytime I’m not.

I’ll over-explain and give disclaimers for everything.

When things don’t go well, it’ll throw me off.

Little snags will seem fucking huuuuuuuuuge to me.

I’ll wait too long for some things. I’ll rush others.

It is at this point that I feel like I should remind you that I’m tall, nice and just all manner of adorable.

If it helps, my being bad at the beginning of the relationship, is a sign that I like you a lot. When I don’t care so much, I’m smooth as hell. I’m like a younger, less philander-y Bill Clinton.

That probably doesn’t help much.


But if you can stick with me for a few months, or at least until you start referring to me as your boyfriend (“charming pain in the ass boyfriend” also works, and is pretty likely), then things are going to get great.

Really great.

That’s when I am the most myself. It’s when I hit my stride.

I need that comfort level to really show what I can do.

I’ll remember every single thing you tell me – even if you don’t even recall saying it – and I’ll use the info to make your life more fun and better.

I’ll be thoughtful, and somehow sense the exact moments when you need that.

I’ll make you laugh. With and at me.

I’ll support you. Your smallest whims will be as important to me as your biggest dreams.

Your wants, needs and desires will be ridiculously important to me.

I’ll communicate. With honesty. With kindness. I’ll have the same rules for when I disagree with you. Never, ever losing sight of what’s important.

I won’t lash out. I’ll forgive you if you do.

I’ll be the partner and teammate you’ve always wanted. And that will make your friends just the right amount of jealous.

I’ll respect your independence when you want it, and lavish you with attention when you need it.

I’ll dry tears, rub your back, play with your hair, and hug you for as long as you require.

And then a little bit longer.

I’ll surprise.

I’ll entertain.

I’ll rock gift-giving.

I’ll just get it in general.

I’ll have your back. I don’t think you fully understand. Day or night, in every way imaginable, I will have your back. No one on the planet will feel more supported. And understood. And loved. And believed in. And wanted.

Not only will I have your back, but the backs of your family, your friends, pets, your junior high penpal and anyone you’ve ever met in your entire life.

I’d lop off a pinky toe if it could somehow make you have even one lovely day.

If someone steals your parking place, I’ll offer to burn their car.

You’ll know I’m kidding.

You’ll kinda of know that I’m mostly kidding.

So, yeah, expect me to screw up a lot early on. Sometimes spectacularly.

But, love, if you can run that gauntlet, you’re in for SUCH a treat.

I promise.


photo credit: Matthew and Alison via photopin (license)

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