I'll poke you with a q-tip!

Voice in Peter’s Head: Hey.

Peter: You’re back?

Voice in Peter’s Head: Yep.

Peter: I was kind of enjoying the break.

Voice in Peter’s Head: I bet. But, apparently you lost your way a little, so…

Peter: The writing?

Voice in Peter’s Head: Noooo, your interpersonal relationships. Of course the writing. Dork.

Peter: I don’t know. I could use help with the interpersonal–

Voice in Peter’s Head: Yeah, save it, Nancy. So, you’re a bit stalled with the writing.

Peter: I wouldn’t say “stalled.” I’ve been coming up with lots of ideas.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Yeah, I’ve seen your desk. It looks like a paper and ink orgy. Why the loss in forward momentum?

Peter: I don’t know…

Voice in Peter’s Head: Tell me.

Peter: You’ll judge me.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Tell me or I’ll start singing that Akon song.

Peter: You wouldn’t.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Nobody wanna see us together. But, it don’t matter, no…

Peter: Okay, okay.

Voice in Peter’s Head: That was easy.

Peter: Prick.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Spill it.

Peter: Fine. I’ve been working on THE idea. You know the one?

Voice in Peter’s Head: I do.

Peter: And the ideas are flowing. Things are percolating.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Sheesh.

Peter: But, it feels like I am trying to force it to be something it isn’t.

Voice in Peter’s Head: I don’t even know what that means.

Peter: I am trying to write it as a novel, but it doesn’t feel right.

Voice in Peter’s Head: It doesn’t “feel” right?

Peter: No. It’s like… it is too wide open. Not enough rules, maybe.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Have you ever considered becoming a plumber? Good money in it.

Peter: I like having stricter rules and then trying to bend them a little. Most of my handwritten pages are basically in screenplay format, so I was thinking of turning it into a screenplay instead.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Screenplay, novel, dirty haiku, what the fuck do I care?

Peter: I liked the idea of writing a novel. It felt… cooler. Bigger. Something.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Never finishing the damn thing probably wouldn’t be all that “cool.”

Peter: You raise a good point.

Voice in Peter’s Head: I usually do.

Peter: Hey, did anyone ever tell you that you sound a bit like Luke Perry?

Voice in Peter’s Head: “It’s Dylan. You know the drill.”

Peter: Ha! Nice. Hey, remember the episode when those girls scammed Steve and Brandon and stole Steve’s car?

Voice in Peter’s Head: A classic.

Peter: Even after they were gone with the car, Steve still thought he had a shot with them.

Voice in Peter’s Head: That dude was hornier than a four-peckered goat.

Peter: Good times.

Voice in Peter’s Head: So, what IS with the writing lately? “Poetry?” Sissified imagery. What happened to the dude that could write 2500 hundred words on Archie comics or the Hardy Boys?

Peter: Uhm… I wrote a scene about genital herpes and Valtrex the other day.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Oh yeah? Funny?

Peter: Not bad.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Nice.

Peter: So, a screenplay it is? I’m exciting now.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Oh, me too. I can barely contain myself.

Peter: I better go wake up my muse.

Voice in Peter’s Head: I wouldn’t mention anything to her about how your writing “feels.” Makes you sound a little too… delightful.

Peter: Whatever, dude.

Voice in Peter’s Head: ‘Cause we gonna fight. Oh yes, we gonna fight. Believe we gonna fight.

Peter: I loathe you.

Voice in Peter’s Head: Hee hee hee.

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  1. sween says:


    The voice in my head usually just sits there, doing bad impressions of Simpsons characters.

    Or sobbing.

  2. Sara says:

    I hate that song. Now it will be in my head the rest of the day. Thanks.

  3. Mood Indigo says:

    Oh ya, and rules-schmules.

  4. Clink says:

    Aaaaand now the song is in my head too.

    You’re evil. (Also, funny. But mostly evil.)

  5. Cait says:

    “Peter: So, a screenplay it is? I’m exciting now.”

    You’re getting way ahead of yourself there, Canadian.
    But I am “exciting” about this screenplay too.

  6. Peter says:

    sween: Lucky! Does it do Prof. Frink?

    sara: Happy to help out!

    megan: You can’t be TOO surprised. :)

    clink: You knooooow, I take both of those as compliments.

    cait: Curses! Of course now I can just edit it and make you look silly.

  7. Jay says:

    You had better call ahead to see if Howie Mandel is available to play you.

  8. Airam says:

    HAHAHAHHAHHAH …. I love how you busted out the Akon song to annoy yourself!!!!

    And this is your writing … do what feels write with it.

  9. sween says:

    Not so much with Prof. Frink. For some reason, it seems more focused on Fat Tony and Superintendent Chalmers.

  10. Eve says:


    Don’t force it. It’ll come!

  11. The Stormin Mormon says:

    Damn it Peter, now that horrible song is stuck in my head.

    The voice in my head usually keeps asking me if that light that I just went through was green or red. (seriously, all day yesterday it was bugging me, because I couldn’t remember checking at this one light, just breezing right through, and they have those cameras now…)

  12. Pearl says:

    Alright, you’ve bent me to your will. I’m bookmarking you.

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