I'll never work for Vogue

The other afternoon, I was playing some fetch with Nipper in the yard. I looked up and saw (because of traffic) a car slowing down not far from me. It was a woman driving. I didn’t get a good look at her face, but I suppose she had a cute-ish profile.

What I DID notice, however, was what she was wearing.

A turtleneck.

(Not one of those tight, beat poet type deals. A looser… knit one, I guess.)

And, almost without realizing it, I said, “Ooooooh.”

I have no idea what in my background has caused me to react this way to that article of clothing, yet here we are. And it is not just the turtleneck itself. It is also the hair being worn up with it.

Now, I know that, as a dude, I’m expected to be all about the cleavage — and I’m not opposed to it, trust me — but there is just something about the hair-up, turtle neck thing. It just looks…. cozy. Or something.

And this is not the only type of clothing that gets an interesting reaction from me.

There is a style of button up shirt that I LOVE on a woman.

It is usually white, has a collar, tapers in at the waist, and has 3/4 length sleeves.

Do you know the kind I mean? (I should mention that it is entirely possible that these things have been out of style for a decade. Me and fashion… we met once at a party, but we don’t stay in touch.)

I actually really enjoy women in business attire in general.

However, I am also an absolute sucker for a woman in an apron.

I’m a friggin’ riddle.

Now, don’t go burning bras or me in effigy. I don’t want to be served by a woman in an apron or anything. I just find it so… charming. It brings to mind a simpler time. Granted, it was a time without satellite TV, but still… A cute girl in an apron just makes me smile.

In addition to very specific types of clothing, I can also react favourably to a woman’s name. (I guess that I don’t go in for any of that “a rose by any other name” horseshit.)

That’s not to say that a woman’s name will make me like (or dislike) her more. However, if someone says “You should totally meet my friend _________” some names will catch my attention more than others.

Off the top of my head…


But, these things aren’t necessarily constant. Occasionally a name will be ruined, or make a comeback, for me.

For example, I thought the name Meghan was awesome in my youth. But, then I met a hateful Megan, so the name (in all spellings) was ruined. However, I’ve recently met a Megan or two that have made it seem slightly less evil.

I should be lots of fun to name a kid with. Of course, if the mother is wearing the right shirt, I probably won’t put up much of an argument.

I’m a little loony, right?

0 thoughts on “I'll never work for Vogue

  1. A little bit looney, yes, but I forgive you. Because you like the name Lauren. Which is VERY very close to Laurel, yes? :)

    Happy Wednesday!

  2. la: I have a cousin named Laurel, so I enjoy it on a very different level. Happy thanksgiving!

    michelle: Exactly! Oh man, I really am nuts.

  3. I don’t know about Vogue specifically, but some fashion magazines recommend covering up with turtlenecks in order to catch a man’s attention. So you aren’t nuts. Well, maybe you are, but not because of that.

  4. Haha, I must admit it made me giggle when you said:

    And, almost without realizing it, I said, “Ooooooh.”

    I know what you mean (I love catching myself react to things), although I can’t think of any clothing on a man that would make me have any reaction. Hmm, of course a rebellious looking type with stubbly facial hair and a twinkle in his eye is always enough to get me going. Especially if he smells nice – woah yeah!
    Ahem, excuse me.

    I also know what you mean about names. So true.

  5. miriam: I think there are different kinds of flattering.

    sharnee: Words pop out of my mouth (or typing fingers) before I can catch them sometimes.

    mindy: I think we all know that you are a category unto yourself.

  6. “However, I am also an absolute sucker for a woman in an apron.”

    Hmmm… helping lead to your fancying of Anna Friel on Pushing Daisies?

  7. This is fascinating! Lauren, Sarah, etc- those names are both feminine and associated with white people (have you ever read freakonomics? DO IT. Because now I can’t hear a name without thinking about its associations. Did you know Molly is the “whitest” name out there? And that Shelly is the most likely to be athletic? And Elizabeth is least likely to be athletic?)

    The two articles of clothing you mentioned- turtle neck and that white tapered 3 quarter french cut… was my high school uniform. Literally. It’s a high school uniform. Peter, have you been skulking around the high schools again? I told you to stop that.

  8. sween: I hadn’t even thought of that! Interesting…

    lisa: And now I feel like a hate mongering perv! Curses!

    distracted spunk: THERE we go.

  9. Ha! I know a Megan you particularly like, PDW.

    A startlingly high number of my boyfriends have been named Kevin. Like, 73% or something.

    I’ve always known, however, that I would marry a “J” person. Just one of those things.

  10. You simply cannot trust any Meghans. Or Meagans. Oh and Megyns. Any extra letters or substitutions for letters in that name totally screams evil. ;)

  11. I’m with you on the turtleneck thing. I have a closet full of them and enjoy the cold weather so that I have an excuse to wear them. Besides, turtlenecks leave so much to the imagination and they can be tight and snug…. Raowr!

    You’re not weird, Peter. Just honest. I could never have a kid named Robert/Bob or Anne Marie. Bad experiences with both of those.

  12. 123 valerie: I forgot about her! I had run-ins with a # of Wendys in my youth.

    hellafied: You may be right. However, I think there are probably some Megans to be wary of. *cough*

    heather: I knew there had to be other turtleneck fans out there!

  13. i guess everybody has his/her own favourite names and vice versa, i am no fan of “christina”, and thankfully you don’t see that name much anymore.

    turtleneck (for both gender) can be “very” flattering if you have the right body. personally i don’t like men in shorts though, if he is not going to be butt naked, at least have a pair of jeans or khakis on!

  14. I guess I am in luck as my name is on your list.

    Wedded bliss in an apron?


    You still want my roommate?


  15. You are a loony but that’s what makes you so endearing. Oh and Lauren is so the name I want to name a daughter if I ever have one of those.

  16. The “fits just right” turtleneck sweater, and the white collared shirt you’re mentioning are both personal favorites.

    I do have to say that I have never seen a woman my age in an apron EVER. But I might find that to be agreeable as well.

    I guess that since I cook (reasonably well enough to offer to cook for a woman as part of a date), I haven’t really seen to many women my age cooking.

  17. My friends and I always talk about how you can tell a lot about a person by their name…and how we could never date anyone with certain names. Yeah, that’s what we talk about in our free time.

    I look horrible in turtlenecks…and I love cooking, but am not sure I’ve worn an apron since I was age 5 and thought it was cool. Maybe I’ll have to borrow one of mom’s for tomorrow ;)

  18. dude!!!
    i love los turtlenecks and, due to this love, have since renamed them “nerdle necks”. They are so cozy, but sometimes tight, and i only own them in white, three shades of pink, purple, and black. no blue!!! no green!!! no yellow or brown!!! anyhoo, though, people seem to love them (and the term “nerdle neck) so…just keep on rockin!
    p.s. i live in alaska so maybe this makes more sense?

  19. skinny: What is the right kind of body for a turtleneck?

    slightly disorganized: Does your roomie have a turtleneck?

    tia: If I really thought about it, I suspect that I’d find some even more random turn-ons.

    maria: Loony?? Well, I’ll take endearing.

    stormin’: The apron wearers are a rare breed. But, when you spot one in the wild… it’ll change you, man.

    susie: You absolutely should borrow one from your Mom… and take pictures.

    arexa: Nerdle necks! Are you opposed to the colours that you don’t own? Or do you just happen not to own them.

  20. What about Caitlyn? That works too, right?

    On top of that I was wearing a black turtleneck yesterday with black ballet flats and my hair up. Some guy walked up to me at the grocery store and told me that he loved my sweater, smiled, and walked away. So it’s not just you.

  21. Turtlenecks look terrible on me, but that’s because they don’t last 10 seconds without getting the neck all stretched out as I panic and gasp for air. My name is Sarah, though.

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