I miss Aubrey (aka I forgot how to write again)
Last night I tried to think of a blog post to write for today. I spent a lot of time thinking about it actually. The things I do so you guys can have fresh blog content to read. But I wasn’t coming up with any good ideas for topics. So I had one of my weekly battles with a teensy bit of writing self doubt.
I flung everything off of my desk and on to the floor. I put my fist through the wall. I fell to my knees and tore off my shirt (revealing the Danity Kane tattoo across my chest.) I tilted my head skyward (ceilingward?), threw my hands in the air and screamed “Whyyyyyyyy? Why am I such a crap writer?!? Fuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!”
Or, you know, I plopped down on my bed and watched a re-broadcast of a soccer match from the weekend. (Italian Serie A!)
I woke up this morning, slightly dopier but still lacking ideas for a blog post.
I grabbed my laptop and checked my gmail. As periodically happens, tia gchatted me with a “Crap. If you are up, I should be going to sleep” message.
But before shuffling off to sleep, she told me “Go comment on my blog post.” (Married women must take a course on how to talk to dudes.)
So I went and commented on her post.
And I read it.
It is about dating rules.
Then I wondered if a post about dating rules from the male perspective would be interesting.
And then I realized that I might not be the best source for such information.
So I thought about dating things that would work on me specifically. Or on dudes just like me. (Poor bastards.)
But then I realized it was too fucking early to write a blog post, so I cuddled under the covers with my laptop and watched an episode of “Coupling.”
(This is a pretty gripping running commentary, eh? Hmmmm? Mmhm.)
Eventually I crawled out of bed because of an overwhelming desire to be super productive. (Read: I was hungry as shit.) And then I started typing. This.
And here we are.
tia’s first rule is that women should wait for the guy to call. I don’t necessarily agree. I think it is awesome when a girl calls. Well, a girl I am interested in anyway. When a girl calls, it stops me from having this conversation with myself:
“I wonder when I should call. Does she want me to call at all? Do girls give their numbers to be polite? Of course she wants me to call. I’m adorable. Man, I have been jokingly telling people I’m adorable for so long that it is creeping into my inner dialogue. That… probably isn’t good. Well I do think I’m a little adorable. The Slap Chop DOES look useful..”
And you ladies think it is soooooo easy for guys.
I sometimes get comments like “You’re a writer, I’m sure you have no problem coming up with things to say to women.”
But that’s not strictly true.
This is just between us?
I am not great at saying things to women.
I am considerably better at saying things BACK to women. My replying is far superior to my initiating.
I’m not sure why.
I think I feel more comfy — and my sense of humour works better — in a give and take situation. That and my personality is better suited for sitting back and making snarky comments.
Still, depending on the situation, I can usually muster up enough charm to get by. Unless…
Unless I have an actual crush.
Peter with a crush forgets how to talk to women. And he forgets how not to talk to women. Two things that are moderately useful when, you know, TALKING TO WOMEN.
Thankfully my real crushes occur less often than Winter Olympicses.
Thankfully? Maybe if I got them more often, I’d figure out what to do with them.
The universe and my personality are conspiring to keep me single.
Since this post blows, I am going to turn it into one of those deals where the blogger asks the readers questions to distract from that fact. We’re sneeeeaaaky.
1) Tell me a dating rule that you always follow.
2) Tell me a dating rule that a guy/girl/ life-like futuristic cyborg should follow to win your love.