I have a confession, Future Wife

Hiiiiiiiiiii, you.

You look very pretty today.

So, you know, I come with some baggage.

No, not the time I hit the guy with my car on Route 9 in Maine and just kept driving.

What? He was a drifter.

I’m 95% sure he was a drifter.

90% percent sure.


He was a cop.

But that is not what I am talking about.

You see, I have an ex girlfriend.

Well, I have a few. But only one counts, really.

And tomorrow is Jen’s birthday.

Speaking of birthdays, mine was yesterday. You better know that. I got just assloads of calls and texts and emails and Facebook dealies. And some lovely blog friends went well above and beyond the call of duty. Amazing.

Where were we? Oh yeah.

I don’t think you actually know Jen yet. That is too bad for you.


I know I’ve mentioned her a thousand times on here, but I was just wondering how she’d like me to intro her.

“She who is responsible for every single thing you like about Peter.

And she’s extremely cute.”

She’d see that as a good start.

Jen loves her credit. And since it’s her birthday…

– Without Jen, I never would have been ballsy enough to post my first word doodle.
– Without Jen, I never would have been willing to share half of the things I write on this blog.
– Without Jen, I’d probably be more jaded.
– Without Jen, I might not have discovered my love of forehead kisses.
– Without Jen, I’d probably… not be single because she raised the bar SO high. (Too many times have I thought, “She’s great… but she’s no Jen.”)

It wasn’t all good times with Jen. Oh, no. Through a scheduling fluke, Jen got to hold The ACN before I did.  (After having stared at that incubator for sooooo long. )  I… was not pleased. I swear a small part of me wanted to break up with her over it. But, like with the numerous times I tried to break up with her early on, she wouldn’t allow it. It was soon after that when I realized that I’m an idiot and she is very, very wise. (And I am only admitting this because it is her birthday.)

I can’t even imagine not having Jen in my life. Frankly, I don’t want to. She is still my go-to person when the big chips are all the fucking way down, you know?

Because, even when I let my guard down, I have 6 other plain clothes guards who are strapped and still a bit angry about being kicked off the police force… for being angry.

She gets that. She lets me be an asshole if I need it. She knows I’ll eventually get to where I’m supposed to be.

When I initially found out she was seeing someone else, I was ever so slightly disappointed.

“WHAT?!? Are you fucking kidding me?? What happened to our plan for you to become a nun after we broke up? What happened to that?? Too good for the nunnery, are you? You are so fucking selfish. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate you!”

By the time she eventually got engaged, I was coming around a little.

“WHAT?!? Are you fucking kidding me?? I will NEVER support this travesty. Why, Jen? WHYYYYYYYYYY? You’re worse than Hitler.”

And finally there was complete acceptance.

“Although we’ve come to the end of the road / Still I can’t let you go / It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you / Come to the end of the road / Still I can’t let you go / It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you”

Tomorrow is Jen’s birthday. And we’re all better for having her in the world.

I know, Future Wife, you’re probably wondering why I sent you a letter and did nothing but talk about another woman. Well, I guess my point is that with her having raised the bar so impossibly high, I must be off my ass crazy about you. So that’s pretty neat, right?


18 thoughts on “I have a confession, Future Wife

  1. First of all, belated happy birthday. I went and saw jenniferalaine’s post about your birthday.. you must know that whatever she wrote about you in her post: about single girls swooning over your word doodles, about girls wanting their man to be as romantic as you seem to be , etc etc..is absolutely true..

    Now, this post: a lovely letter.. I can relate to what you wrote about having an ex who put the bar so high – almost word to word.. I had one like that (M) who’s moved on and is very happy but he’s the one I go to even now when I can turn to no one else

    You know a cure to set the bar low again, date a bitch. I dated an a**hole after M and ever since then, every guy I see is date-able to me now.. Plus I realize that there are very few men like M and to even have to remotest shot of not ending up a spinster I can’t expect to meet someone like him.. but that’s me..

  2. It’s never bothered me that much that my boyfriend stays in touch with his ex. It always reassured me in a weird way to know that he hadn’t done anything so terrible that she had to cut him out completely.

    Now your only concern should be that you’ve made Jen sound so awesome that FW may like her better than you.

    Happy (belated) birthday to both of you!

  3. *swoon*

    not fair. you just keep writing and just keep writing and those of us single gals who would LOVE to sit and (re)watch episode after episode of arrested development or west wing with you just have to content ourselves with reading your blog. you’re succeeding in raising the bar for any future man to walk into our lives, you know. :p

    but for the record, i’m quite content reading your blog, knowing that there’s at least ONE man out there who thinks the way you do. it gives me hope. :)

  4. So, I’m stopping by from Tia’s blog, and I’m sooooo glad she did a post about you! Happy Belated Birthday. Great letter to your future wife! If only every other man on the planet were as open as you! :-)

  5. There are people you come across in life that make your life better for just having known them. Jen, must be one of those people.
    Happy [belated] birthday.

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