i don’t like to travel, future wife

Hi, lady!

It’s been a while.

And, yes, it’s true, I am not a big traveler.

There are a number of reasons.

1) I’m allergic to a lot of things: foods, smells, clothings, people, the passage of time, the phrase “wow factor.”

2) I hate line-ups.

3) Being tired and hungry makes me craaaaanky.

4) I’d rather watch a documentary about a place than go there. All I’m saying is that you rarely get traveler’s diarrhea from HDTV.

I’m more into building than exploring, you know? My thing is that I don’t want to make our home a departure point, I want it to be a destination.

But I want YOU to go travel.

(Wait. That sounded bad.)

I don’t want YOU to miss out on these things.

(That’s better.)

I want you to have a good group of female friends to travel with.

You should put together a great and multi-talented team. One that’s good with maps. One that’s good with money. One with charm.

And one with boobs. Those things’ll open more doors than a professional lock pick.

Now there ARE places I’d like to visit. In theory.

I could be talked into most of the UK. (Mostly for the soccer.)

Paris if you insisted. (To make it up to you for watching too much soccer.)

Maybe Spain.

The International Space Station would be nifty.


You’re probably thinking it’s a bummer that I don’t like traveling, but you should keep in mind that I bring a lot of other things to the party. I am nice. I give awesome back rubs. My understated good looks. I make coffee in the morning. My willingness to point out my understated good looks. I record shows I think you’ll like on the DVR. I’m tall, so if we walk together in a lightning storm, I’m going to get zapped first.

Love, I want you to have amazing experiences in exciting places.

I’m not going to want to go on every adventure with you, future wife. But when I miss a trip, you’ll know you have someone waiting, to excitedly welcome you back home with open arms and restorative ice cream.

I think you’ll like that.



photo credit: Kalexanderson via photopin cc

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