Give and take…

Blah blah blah nothing to write about blah blah.

Today, dumplings, I am going to tell you three facts about me.

And here they are:

1) Despite what the picture in the header (look up) seems to indicate, I totally have an upper lip. And, while I’m no lipologist, I think it is a fairly standard upper lip. You can’t see it, but I am making faces now to prove it is there.

*Pouty face*

*Kissy face*

*Elvis face*

2) You are never going to receive a text from me in text speak. I just can’t do it. If I want to know how you are doing, I am going to type out “How are you?” I even use commas. Of course, I don’t mind if you do it. I probably won’t even notice. I am not sure what my deal is with it. It’s not like I feel too mature to do it — says the guy currently listening to Dashboard Confessional’s MTV Unplugged album. I have strange rules.

3) The universe likes to mess with me when it comes to receiving gifts. No matter who is giving them, or what the occasion, usually at least one gift just doesn’t work out — through no fault of the gifter. From this Christmas alone…

a) Despite their willingness to ship Lids.com gift cards to Canada, you can’t actually order hats with them to be delivered to Canada. Gah? I’m no Alex P. Keaton, but that seems like an odd business practice to me. Now I am going to have to charm a dirty American friend or family member into acting as a baseball cap mule.

b) I received three shirts that don’t fit.

My sister: You don’t look like an XXL.

Peter stretches arms forward and sleeves end up halfway up his forearms.

My sister: Hmm. Oh well.

(They’ll just be swapped. No biggie.)

c) Remember how I was looking for “Her” for Christmas? Well, my family didn’t find her. I’m not sure how hard they really looked, but whatever. Instead, they went out to get the iPod Nano dealie. However, after doing some research they settled on this little dude instead. And I actually was more pleased with it than I would have been with the iPod. I was charging it up on Christmas Day when it konked out. Seemed odd, but I left it charging. The next day I went to check it and it was completely dead. Nothing. Sometimes consumer electronics are duds out of the box. It happens.

I mentioned it to my sister. My mother jumped in and demanded it back. The next day she forced my father to drive her to a store an hour and a half away — in a snow storm — to swap it for a new one. That night I plugged it in.

The next day it was also dead. I fielded many questions about whether I was doing it right — “Uhm… I think I can manage to plug it into a USB port.”

I got two duds in a row, from two different stores. What are the odds?

[My mother again reclaimed the broken machine. And when the dust settled this time, this gorgeous beast ended up in my greedy little hands. I love it. I’ve already put a bunch of music, a David Sedaris audio book, an episode of Oz and a bunch of pics of the ACN on it.]

So, yeah, presents often don’t work out for me. I’d be afraid if a girlfriend gave me a gift certificate for free hugs. The next day I’d wake up and she’d have lost her arms in a trasher accident. Where am I meeting girls that run thrashers, you wonder. Don’t ask me about my business, nosy.

Enough about me. (As if that is even possible. Sheesh.) Tell us one thing about you. And it has to be about YOU. Don’t try to pull any “Despite not having hips or legs, whales have both hip bones and leg bones”* business. And it can’t be something you yoinked from your “100 Things…” post. Tell us the first thing that pops into your head.

And go.

[* This is true.]

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No Responses

  1. d says:

    i can’t use the text speak either. with the exception of ‘i d k’ i love that one. mostly because of the way it sounds.

    i used to feel the same way about emoticons, but now, for some reason, i use them happily and haphazardly.

    so maybe emoticons are my gateway drug.

  2. lspoon says:

    I don’t like text speak or AIM speak. Something about “lol” gives me the heebies. Even having to type it right now for examples sake pisses me off.

  3. Coal Miner's Granddaughter says:

    I, four, am no texter. Proper spelling and grammar, please! Whenever I see misuse of your vs. you’re or they’re vs. their, I just want to go on a shooting rampage.

    Sigh.

  4. Stefanie says:

    I text in full sentences, too, and use punctuation even though it involves all sorts of extra button presses to get out of T9 shorthand mode and into punctuation mode. This may be why I rarely text.

    Also, I have a Creative Zen instead of an iPod myself. People mock me for it often, but it works just fine for me. I call it my iFraud. Feel free to steal that terminology yourself, if you like (I actually stole it from another blogger, too.)

  5. La says:

    I’d like to join you by saying I am emphatically anti text-ese. And also chat-ese. You will never (except for now) see me type “LOL” or anything of that nature. It. Drives. Me. CRAZY.

  6. srah says:

    A thing about me: I’m wearing bright blue tights, as part of a recent effort to brighten up my wardrobe and try to be a little more outgoing/flamboyant. Whee!

  7. Clink says:

    If we ever text each other, it will be in proper English from both sides.

    The first thing that comes to mind is: I usually shower at night, which gives me more time in the morning to play (and burn myself) with the curling iron. My hair curls better when it’s not fresh out of the shower.

    I don’t know why that was the first thing, but it was.

  8. Peter says:

    d: I’ve never used “i d k.” Though I do sometimes use emoticons when chatting. Mostly because sometimes people don’t get me and me saucy sense of humour.

    lspoon: I’ve only ever typed LOL ironically.

    heather: It only really annoys me when *I* accidentally typo a you’re or your. That angers me.

    stefanie: iFraud. I like it. Though, knowing me, I’ll just act and feel all superior because I am not one of the iPod herd. (Even though I totally used to have one. Shhhhh.)

    la: I nearly had a stroke when I read about some teachers letting kids use it in school. STROKE.

    srah: That sounds very flamboyant indeed!

    Clink: I also spell out days of the week and months completely. And we all just learned something about your hair. I feel like I know you better now.

  9. canadian sadie says:

    My one thing. I give GREAT gift. And sometimes, I get on a great gifting roll, and spend waaaay too much on one person because if it’s perfect? You must have it.

    For example, this year and the entirely un-deserving non-boyfriend. I kicked serious gifting ass.

    Text speak is for lewzers. ;)

  10. mindy says:

    I just learned what a drug mule is yesterday.

    (I am so innocent.)

  11. Keith says:

    A 40 year old brother of a friend of mine speaks in text terms. he actually says things like “wtf??” because it makes him cool. he also just broke up with a girl who was 17. Creep.

    I also can relate to the XXL problem. At 6’4″ 250lbs I fill out most XL shirts to the point of awkwardness (awkward for me knowing i am wearing a shirt that doesn’t fit, awkward for those who see my belly when i scratch my nose). My family does not accept my size. I went 1 for 4 on the sizing chart for the shirts i received for christmas this year and the XXL shirt i did receive was a leaf’s jersey (which still made me cry-yes i am a fan but i am not one of those “as long as we make the play offs we’ll have a shot at the cup” loonies).
    My wife even went as far as saying “well, i got you XL so when you start back at the gym you’ll have some nice shirts to wear”. Nice.subtle.hint…

  12. Miss Pickle says:

    I cannot eat warm pizza. If we order it, my slices must sit in the freezer for ten minutes before I can eat them.

    Why is this the first thing that popped into my head? I have no idea…must be hungry!

  13. Anonymous says:

    After seeing Juno I truly wish I was pregnant (not having a baby – just pregnant for a bit).

    Esse

  14. Michelle and the City says:

    i have a thing for guys with tattoos.

    weird thing to share, but the first thing that popped into my head!

  15. Hellafied says:

    I compulsively delete all my sent texts. And then I go through a hefty selection process to decide which received texts get to stay. OCD at its finest, I guess.

  16. Peter says:

    canadian sadie: I loooove the challenge of giving a good gift. Of course, because I am a tiny bit competitive, I want to “win” the gift-giving for that occasion.

    mindy: Maybe if you didn’t spend so much time going to the mall, you’d hear about these things.

    keith: He says “WTF?” outloud? Do you have the urge to swat him? A 17 year old? Dear God… Think the Leafs are going to trade Sundin? (I do.)

    miss pickle: That is an interesting one. Though I do love me some cold pizza for breakfast.

    esse: Very interesting. I feel obligated, as Captain Canada, to remind the world that both Michael Cera and Ellen Page are Canadian. (And the director was born in Montreal.)

    michelle: Is “LA Ink” like watching porn for you?

    hellafied: I do exactly the same thing. I think I only have 4 or 5 received texts currently being saved.

  17. jamelah says:

    Since this is apparently the text message confessional, I sometimes refuse to answer messages when they are written in text speak. I want vowels, dammit.

  18. JenBun says:

    As an editor, text-type drives me nuts, so I can’t do it. Everything must be spelled out and punctuated properly.

    But that doesn’t count as my one thing because (a) you already said it, and (b) so did everyone else.

    My one thing… when I’m sick (like now) or injured, even a little bit, is when I most miss having a boyfriend. The rest of the time, I’ve been fine– Christmas, New Year’s Eve, going out, etc. But give me one weekend with the flu and I’m crying for there to be someone who HAS to put up with me and who will make me Top Ramen and cuddle with my fevery self.

    Don’t get me wrong, there are always plenty of people to whine to, and my mom and my best friend and her husband all volunteered to bring me whatever I needed, but it’s not the same, ya know? Sometimes you just need someone who is all your own… someone who loves you in sickness and in health and all the rest…

  19. Susie says:

    I don’t really use text-speak either, but when e-mailing, my friends and I alwaysss use it…I think in more of an ironic way. We always say wtf, what the eff, whatev, nbd (no big deal), etc. sometimes I have to decipher our e-mails because (or bc) I can’t even understand them!

  20. each of the two says:

    i have to pee

    i love txting cause sometimes i hate talking to people, and by sometimes i mean all the time.

    i am wearing leggings and i do not feel fat.

    i gonna eat now.

  21. Keith says:

    I don’t think John Ferguson Jr. has the nuts to trade Sundin. Although i think its his only shot at saving his job. He’s got 7 guys sewn up in long term, no movement, big money(compared to what they are worth) contracts so I’m not sure how he can even do his job for the next 3 years. It seems every time we have a player who gets popular with the fans we throw big money at them and hope the fans will call Mr.Feruson Jr. a genius.
    I will stop here to avoid turning this into a sports blog comment.

    Want to talk about roger clemens next? me neither…

  22. Mel says:

    I have a full keyboard on my phone so I don’t have to deal with the whole text speak *which drives me absolutely bananas*.

    All the guys think its cool I can unhinge my jaw. Until they see it snap back like a mouse trap. Then it freaks them out. *Evil Laugh*

  23. blogging says:

    something about me:

    you can read my face like an open book. whatever i’m feeling? thinking? yep. written all over my face.

    good thing i don’t play poker.

  24. distractedspunk says:

    I cannot tolerate text or AIM speak. I make that very clear. Also. I am wearing pointy brown shoes and failing. Miserably. HOW do girls wear these? *And yes, I realize you are not a girl and most likely unable to comment on how this shall be done.*

  25. skinny says:

    i like Tim Tebow.

    that’s the first thing that i can think of now.

    i don’t like text speak, but i don’t like to capitalize my sentences either…. well….

  26. Tia says:

    i’m a half-correct, half-textie texter. but i NEVER use LOL, i always write “hahaha”. dunno why.

    and i only like the brown and orange crackers out of the oriental snack mix.

  27. Max says:

    I don’t walk over sewers because I fear that a raccoon will reach its raccoony paw out and swipe my ankle, or bite me, worse yet. It’s all cause I saw a raccoon face peering out from the sewer one time. I really go out of my way regardless of whether I’m stepping into the street or up onto the sidewalk.

  28. B2G says:

    I know you asked for one thing, but I’m going to give you like three. The first of which was going to be that I also type properly when I text but apparently everyone does that and I no longer feel special. The second thing was that I think David Sedaris is hysterical and amazing. The third is that when I saw the categories you put this post under, I immediately thought about the fact that it really bothers me that wordpress does the same thing with my sentences. I always put two spaces and they always take one away! Lame.

  29. BS says:

    I am very particular about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches: Oroweat whole wheat bread, natural smooth peanut butter with most of the oil poured out before stirring, and boysenberry or blackberry preserves).

    L8tr (LOL).

    Yup, that was painful.

  30. Rain says:

    I don’t use text speak either. I type it all out.. and with 4200 texts/mo, I’m tired.

    Something about me: I’m moving from Alaska to Illinois on Friday.

  31. anonymous says:

    Incorrect grammar infuriates me, but people correcting it in public infuriates me even more (unless it’s a small child). In fact I may have been known to say to my sister “You know what, Kate? People who correct other people’s grammar go straight to hell.”

    But my actual ‘fact about myself’ is that I can’t help deciding to like people for ridiculously trivial reasons. Clink has the same birthday as me and even though I already liked her, it made me like her much more (I don’t think I’ve mentioned that before, and we’ve never communicated. Hi Clink. I’m not a stalker, just a a bit weird.)

    And people taller than me? I almost always can’t help liking them (I’m 6’3″). It’s freak solidarity, I say.

  32. sissa1218 says:

    something about me? i have two uvulas. one grows off of the other.

  33. lfar says:

    I don’t like ham unless it’s really thinly sliced.

    You said first thing!

  34. libby says:

    aww, dumplings. what an uh…unique term of endearment…haha.

    err…i am currently sitting on an exercise ball in an effort to improve my posture.

    and maybe get abs from contracting the muscles to balance.

    it’s a long shot, i know.

  35. tNb says:

    my laptop is burning my thighs and i’m a die hard double-spacer.

  36. sid says:

    When I was little I refused to eat meat. I’d simply chew it up and then spit it out.

  37. STP says:

    I was chased down by a woman one afternoon while shopping – she wanted to take a few photos of my lips for her doctor to use as a reference when doing her lip injections. I was flattered and totally creeped out but let her do it. 20 minutes later she flagged me down again to thank me and gave me a $50 gift card. These lips are gold!

  38. ZenDenizen says:

    I don’t have a “100 things…” post, yet.

    When I browse a magazine or book, I tend to flip from right to left, I have no idea why.

  39. Taryn says:

    I enjoyed this post. I impulsively buy plane tickets more often than I should. I tend to buy journals, write in them religiously for 10 days and then throw them under my bed or in my closet.

  40. MissE says:

    My text messages are typically correct in their use of grammar and punctuation. However, unlike you I can’t help but notice when other people text me in the “txt speak”… I don’t judge them on it – I just get a little twitchy, is all.

    Most likely has something to do with the whole “being-an-English-teacher” thing. Don’t even get me started on the mis-use of apostrophes.

  41. Deutlich says:

    I get [incredibly] irritated by utter ignorance and will speak on it whether someone wants to hear my opinion or not. I’m really feisty, when it boils down to it.

  42. Mood Indigo says:

    I h8 txtng.

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