He pulls the covers up to his chin.

The room is dark and just a little cool.

Perfect sleeping conditions.

He thinks about how comfy he is.

He thinks about her.


He is nodding off.

Something ice cold touches his back and he almost jumps out of bed.


“Babe… my hands are coooold. I’m sick.”

He rolls over to face her.

She looks miserable.

“Awwwwww,” he says.

“I think I have a fever,” she whimpers.

He brushes her hair aside.

“Let me check.”

He places a long, soft kiss on her forehead.


She stares at him.

He stares at her.


“Fever?” she asks.

“I… don’t… knoooow…”

They look at each other for a while longer.

“I just assumed I’d be able to tell,” he continues.

She shrugs.

More silence.

“I’m going to get a thermometer,” he says, hopping out of bed.


He stands in the frozen food aisle of the grocery store.

He is wearing sweats pants, Adidas, and a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up, over a baseball cap.

He holds his phone a little bit away from his ear, to escape the disturbing noises.

“Sorry,” her voice comes out through the phone. “I was blowing my nose.”

“I thought you had walked on a goose.”

“Shut up. Now… popsicles…”

“I’m standing in front of the freezer,” he says pointing to the freezer… until he catches himself.

“I want orange… no grape… Wait… strawberry… Do they have any of the ones that are multiple flavours?”

“Maaaybe…” he replies, searching through the selection.

“I’m sorry I’m such a pain.”

“Don’t mention it. there are far worse things you could have sent me to the store for.”

“What would you have done had I asked you to get me one of thooooose items?”

“Closed my eyes, ran down the scary aisle, and whatever my cart knocked off the shelves, I’d buy,” he replies matter-of-factly.

“You’re cute.”


“So… popsicles?”

“I found a bunch of orange.”

“Yay! I want orange.”


“No wait… grape…”


She is all bundled up, shivering under the covers.

He is kneeling on the floor at the end of the bed wearing boxer briefs and a big, goofy smile.

“That smile makes me neeervous,” she says.

“Don’t be a silly,” he replies. “Since you say there’s nothing on tv, and the internet is ‘boring tonight,’ I’ve decided to take it upon myself to entertain you.”



He pulls out three socks and drops them on the bed.

She leans in a little closer.

One sock has button eyes, liquid paper-created fangs and drops of what looks like ketchup.

The second one has smaller button eyes and weird lines drawn on what would be the stomach.

The third one is a girl with big button eyes and a frown drawn in Sharpie.

He waits for her to say something. She only blinks. (The sick girl, not the puppet.
Though that would be a pretty neat trick.)

When he can’t wait any longer, “I present… TWILIGHT: SOCKLIPSE.”

“You do, do you?”

“I really do. But before I begin, I’d like to remind you to please shut off your phone. And no flash photography!”

“Duly noted.”

He points to the lamp. She shuts it off.

He turns on a flashlight. He puts it on the bed and points it towards himself.

He puts the sock puppets on the floor.

He brings his hand back up wearing weird-lines on his stomach sock.

“Ohhhh I have six-pack abs that make blond singer girls write tunes about me. But wait until I’m old enough to buy beer and these suckas will disappear…”

He brings up girl puppet on his other hand. (You can tell she’s a girl puppet because she has six pieces of yarn taped to the top of her head.)

“I hate beer,” she says.

He drops weird-lines puppet, puts on vampire puppet.

“I am nothing but hair product and lack of personality.”

“I hate hair product,” girl puppet says.

“We shall go to Mordor now to battle Dementors. You know, to prove our love for you,” vamp puppet explains.

“I hate battles.”

He drops girl puppet and puts weird-lines back on.

“Why are we always fighting over this cranky broad?”

“Well, she’s pretty open-minded about the whole undead thing… as well as your periodic need for all-over manscaping…” vamp puppet says.

“Fair enough. But this is tiring. I think we could get along, you and I. We could be friends. Very… good… friends.”

He moves the puppets closer together.

“I don’t know…” vamp puppet whispers.

But weird-lines puppet kisses vamp puppet.

He makes kissy noises.

“Oh my… those really are nice abs…”

“And I see where all the blood you suck goes. Yowzas.”

He holds the boy puppets in one hand, and brings up girl puppet on the other.

“I hate beautiful gay love.”


“We never go to sleep without a kiss,” he says, playing the unfamiliar roll of little spoon, at her request.

“You’re too busy these days to get sick.”

“I don’t mind,” he says.

“No. No germy kiss”

“Oh. Ok..”

Silent cuddles.

After a few moments, he rolls over quickly and kisses her.



He rolls back.

She smiles

She sneezes.

7 thoughts on “gesundheit

  1. OMG! The puppet scene thing … hilarious. Loved the “And I see where all the blood you suck goes” line. I also loved the we could be very good friends line.

    But you know what would be even better? |f you actually made a video of it … Come on. You know you wanna.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *