I was all stretched out on my bed last night. Hat head in full effect.
It was, like, eight-ish. A half hour before the big Canada/Russia hockey showdown. (Woooo!)
I had just watched a story on Alex Ovechkin disrespecting Canada after the 2009 world championships and was feeling kinda punch-throw-y. “Fuck you, dude. Fuck. YOU.”
I was in the exact same position as I had been the night before when Canada took the Germans out to the woodshed. Computer in the same place. Pillows arranged the same way.
I’m a little superstitious like that.
So I was hating Russia and feeling pretty confident.
My phone rang.
In general, hearing my phone ring makes me cringe. All phones, really. Just text me and I’ll call you back. At some point. Probably.
But I checked who it was and it was The Monkey.
Peter: Hey, twerp.
Now there is something you should know about The Monkey. The length of her Hi is directly proportional to the size of the favour she wants.
Here is a handy chart!
hii = I need you to download insufferable pop music for me and I’m not going to know who sings the song and I’m going to give you the title, except it might not actually be the title, it could be the first line of the chorus, but you should find it because I, like, totally created the perfect dance for it and I will show you.
hiiiiii = Computer issue that I am too important to deal with, so you should come over here and fix it while I watch Secret Life of The American Teenager.
hiiiiiiiiiiii = I’m thirsty and the fridge is ever so far away.
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii = I stole a car and hit a drifter, can I hide out with you?
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii = Are you REALLY using both of those kidneys?
Peter: What’s up?
Monkey: Welll…. I was typing and I went to put in an accent aigu and I hit some key and did something and now my screen is completely upside down.
Monkey: And when you move your cursor one way it goes the other way and it is very weird.
Peter: Sounds it.
Monkey randomly sang the words she saw on her screen. “Delllll Insprionnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn”
Peter: OK. Let’s use that dealie that Dell has where you can go back in time and shit.
Monkey: Sounds good.
I can’t remember what the hell that thing is called, so I opened up the Dell help thing on my old laptop and tried some key words.
Peter: How was school?
Monkey: (Barely paying attention) Was goooood. Class trip tomorrow.
I kept trying different words. Nothing was working. She was telling me about seeing some musicians/singers today. I had no idea who they are. I could hear her rolling her eyes at how unbelievably old I am.
Peter: System restore! That’s the thing. I think.
So I searched my computer for a step by step dealie to help me explain it to her. She is singing and trying to play some puzzle game upside down.
Peter: Don’t say “shit.”
Peter: This is what you get for trying to type french.
Monkey: Don”t make fun of french! French is… da best.
I laughed at that.
Peter: OK. Go to control panel…
Monkey: Uh huh…
Peter: Look for “System.”
Monkey: One sec… Fixed it!
Peter: Wait. What?
Monkey: While you were talking, I googled “what to do if your computer screen is upside down.” Control. Alt. Up arrow. And done.