generation gap

I was all stretched out on my bed last night. Hat head in full effect.

It was, like, eight-ish. A half hour before the big Canada/Russia hockey showdown. (Woooo!)

I had just watched a story on Alex Ovechkin disrespecting Canada after the 2009 world championships and was feeling kinda punch-throw-y. “Fuck you, dude. Fuck. YOU.”

I was in the exact same position as I had been the night before when Canada took the Germans out to the woodshed. Computer in the same place. Pillows arranged the same way.

I’m a little superstitious like that.

So I was hating Russia and feeling pretty confident.

My phone rang.

In general, hearing my phone ring makes me cringe. All phones, really. Just text me and I’ll call you back. At some point. Probably.

But I checked who it was and it was The Monkey.

Peter: Hey, twerp.

Monkey: Hiiiiiii.

Now there is something you should know about The Monkey. The length of her Hi is directly proportional to the size of the favour she wants.

Here is a handy chart!

hii = I need you to download insufferable pop music for me and I’m not going to know who sings the song and I’m going to give you the title, except it might not actually be the title, it could be the first line of the chorus, but you should find it because I, like, totally created the perfect dance for it and I will show you.

hiiiiii = Computer issue that I am too important to deal with, so you should come over here and fix it while I watch Secret Life of The American Teenager.

hiiiiiiiiiiii = I’m thirsty and the fridge is ever so far away.

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii = I stole a car and hit a drifter, can I hide out with you?

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii = Are you REALLY using both of those kidneys?

Peter: What’s up?

Monkey: Welll…. I was typing and I went to put in an accent aigu and I hit some key and did something and now my screen is completely upside down.

Peter: Seriously?

Monkey: And when you move your cursor one way it goes the other way and it is very weird.

Peter: Sounds it.

Monkey randomly sang the words she saw on her screen. “Delllll Insprionnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn”

Peter: OK. Let’s use that dealie that Dell has where you can go back in time and shit.

Monkey: Sounds good.

I can’t remember what the hell that thing is called, so I opened up the Dell help thing on my old laptop and tried some key words.

Peter: How was school?

Monkey: (Barely paying attention) Was goooood. Class trip tomorrow.

I kept trying different words. Nothing was working. She was telling me about seeing some musicians/singers today. I had no idea who they are.  I could hear her rolling her eyes at how unbelievably old I am.

Peter: System restore! That’s the thing. I think.

So I searched my computer for a step by step dealie to help me explain it to her.  She is singing and trying to play some puzzle game upside down.

Monkey: Shit!

Peter: Don’t say “shit.”

Monkey: Pooooooooop.

Peter: This is what you get for trying to type french.

Monkey: Don”t make fun of french! French is… da best.

I laughed at that.

Peter: OK. Go to control panel…

Monkey: Uh huh…

Peter: Look for “System.”

Monkey: One sec… Fixed it!

Peter: Wait. What?

Monkey: While you were talking, I googled “what to do if your computer screen is upside down.” Control. Alt. Up arrow. And done.

Peter: Oh…

Monkey: Bye!

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31 Responses

  1. Krystal says:

    hi! i like your blog. while i was reading this, i tried ctrl alt down arrow to see if it would flip it. then i hit random keys somehow and now all of the font on my screen is 10x smaller. it’s amusing..

  2. Wendryn says:

    The Monkey cracks me up. :)

  3. smidge says:

    Coffee just came out of my nose. Ouch.

    When did we, the computer generation get so left behind?

    P.s Monkey is brilliant

  4. Monkey is just too funny..

  5. annalise says:

    Damn accents! I’ve done many a strange things to my computer trying to use alt-codes. Oh, the joys of living in a bilingual country… Thanks, Canada!

  6. Angeline Chitovas says:

    Hahahahah …. too funny.

  7. shine says:

    Monkey is a genius. She knows when to use Google.

  8. Kate says:

    Ah, love it! :)

    Kate x

  9. PQ says:

    What, she couldn’t have googled before she called you?

  10. Jaxie says:

    I do that crap all the time, lol. My parents will be at their computer trying to figure out the “correct” way to fix some random thing, and I’ll just Google “what to do if…” They get so pissed off when I can fix it in 10 seconds when they’ve been trying for an hour and a half.

    The Monkey rocks!

  11. I totally did that at work one day. Minus the singing and playing puzzle games upside-down etc etc.

  12. tia says:

    the monkey is my hero.

  13. hillary says:

    So now the Monkey needs to eff up her computer tomorrow at 6:00PST, right?

  14. Sid says:

    Hmmm you sound like my brother. He hates having to talk on the phone.

    Me on the other? I once spent 3 hours chatting on the phone with a guy. And no he wasn’t pretending to listen. He laughed at everything I said.

  15. Cindy says:

    Freaking priceless! The “hi” scale works on every favor… The favor is ALWAYS proportional to the amount of time it takes someone to ask for it after they began speaking to you. Absolutely true.

    On a totally unrelated note, my little sister once got home from school VERY excited that she’d learned all about a very important guy in history: Socrates. She actually called him –> “Socraits”

    Ha! GENIUS!

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