Four on the floor and room for more…

A while back, I heard my father tell people that my adorably cute little niece (ACLN) will likely be his only grandchild. At first I didn’t really think about it, lost in my own world of fantasy baseball trades and the classic Springsteen songs playing in my head. But, later it kind of struck me…

What the hell?

Now, don’t get me wrong, ACLN is more than enough grandchild for any family. She is the awesomest little squirt EVER. But, he doesn’t think that I’ll ever have a kid? (My sister’s hubby has been neutered.)

It should be noted that sometimes my Dad says things that might baffle a listener. For example, the first time he saw Rachel Ray on the Food Network, he unleashed this gem…

“She looks like she can fight, fuck, drive a truck and drink a bottle of wine.”

I still have no idea what that means. But, I giggled for about three days when I heard it.

Do guys have some kind of biological Swatch ticking away and I just wasn’t informed?

I’m not THAT old. Michael Douglas is still having kids and he is older than my Dad. I’m even younger that Catherine Zeta-Jones Douglas Terwilliger, despite what she and her bio writers might try to tell you.

Maybe I should tell my Dad about this guy

Mine worker Les Colley (1898-1998), from the town of Ararat in western Victoria, made world headlines as the world’s oldest father at age 93 yr. 10 mo., when his son Oswald was born in July 1992. “I never thought she would get pregnant so easy, but she bloody well did,” he told the papers, discounting the possibility that perhaps HE had more to do with this miracle of fertilization. A non-drinker and non-smoker, he remained active up to the very end, succumbing to pneumonia four months shy of his 100th birthday.

Can you imagine old Les’ pillow talk?

“Ride me like a model T.”
“I haven’t been this aroused since Lady Byrd Johnson and I shared a malted.”
“I was too old to fight in WWII, but I can still make you surrender like the French.”
“I should invent fire, that would make this more romantic.”

And…

“Do you want me to fill your ‘Great Depression’?”

I went too far with that last one, didn’t I?

My point being that I can still have kids.

Maybe I just need to use another one of my Dad’s quotes to sweet talk the ladies…

“There is nothing sexier than a woman driving a half-ton.”

Seriously… what is with this dude and trucks?

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  1. James Cooper says:

    Fascinating. My mom’s been on a push to get me to provide her with grandchildren. At one point she was telling me that she didn’t care if I was even in a relationship with the mother — she just wanted a grandchild. I figure I’d like to have a couple kids somewhere down the line (plenty of time, I’m only 27) but I’ll do it for my sake and the mother’s (who will not be some anonymous womb).

    Parents can just be the strangest people…

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