This got me to thinking about engagements in general.
I’m a fairly competitive hombre from time to time. And one of those times would be when asking a woman to marry me. I would absolutely NEED my future bride’s engagement story to be better than that of all of her friends/family/sworn enemies.
That would be my gift to her… you know, for having to put up with my ass.
Even if she doesn’t want it, she’s gettin’ it. I want my grand romantic gesture, dammit! It just seems like it would be fun. Being all sneakypants. And what’s more enjoyable than giving someone a ridiculously priced gift?
I’ve been thinking about proposals a lot lately.
No, not for those reasons.
Though it COULD happen. Who are you to doubt me? Surely I can wear down some woman’s resolve and get her to throw caution and common sense out the window.
I’ve been thinking about proposals lately because I am writing something with a big proposal scene in it. However, this proposal totally goes down the crapper. But, in order to really get a good payoff from the clusterfuckation, I want the proposal itself to be awesome.
So far I’ve decided that, in my mind at least, there are two things necessary for a perfect proposal.
1) It has to be very personal.
2) It has to be a surprise.
Personal shouldn’t be a problem. When I am into a chica, I remember EVERYTHING. It is crazy. 3rd grade teacher’s name. First pet. If she tells me, it sticks.
And yet I refer to everybody else (male or female) as “dude” because I can’t be bothered to even remember their name.
My brain is a scary place.
Also, I think I am pretty decent at applying said gobs of information to gift-giving — or , at least in theory, to proposal-planning — situations.
(I think I may have just wore out my “-” key.)
Now, the surprise part seems like it would be a bit dicier.
Firstly, that would mean that I’m picking out a ring.
And this would have to be by myself. If I received input from her friends or relatives, then I couldn’t take full credit.
I’m taking full credit, people.
But, hopefully, studying her jewelry and paying attention to her style and tastes for our entire relationship will give me the guidance needed.
I think I can do it.
I do have some concerns about my own ability to keep it all under my chapeau. In general, I can keep a secret like the bastard lovechild of a mobster and CIA agent. But, when it comes to presents, I get a little…
“I know something you don’t know. Tee hee hee hee.”
With manly giggles, of course.
My biggest fear is getting the right ring size without tipping her off.
I’ve given this much thought.
I’ve considered using my stealth-like stealthiness to measure her finger with a piece of string while she slept.
I’ve considered the possibility of stealing an old ring from a jewelry box. But, what if it is an old ring because it doesn’t fit anymore? I don’t have to tell you that would be quite a kick in the jiggers.
I’ve even given some thought to “accidentally” lopping her finger off while cutting vegetables, sneakily measuring it, then packing it in ice and rushing her to the hospital. But, what if we hit traffic and she lost her finger forever? I’m guessing that homegirl would be maaaaaaad.
Needless to say, that this part of the plan is still a work in progress.
You know, I also have no idea which hand the ring goes on.
That seems like something I should figure out, eh?
Especially before any finger-lopping takes place.