The lovely Molly got engaged yesterday! Go over and bask in the reflected glow of her rock. (The also lovely Clink got engaged months ago and I didn’t congratulate her in here!)

This got me to thinking about engagements in general.

I’m a fairly competitive hombre from time to time. And one of those times would be when asking a woman to marry me. I would absolutely NEED my future bride’s engagement story to be better than that of all of her friends/family/sworn enemies.

That would be my gift to her… you know, for having to put up with my ass.

Even if she doesn’t want it, she’s gettin’ it. I want my grand romantic gesture, dammit! It just seems like it would be fun. Being all sneakypants. And what’s more enjoyable than giving someone a ridiculously priced gift?

I’ve been thinking about proposals a lot lately.

No, not for those reasons.

Though it COULD happen. Who are you to doubt me? Surely I can wear down some woman’s resolve and get her to throw caution and common sense out the window.

I’ve been thinking about proposals lately because I am writing something with a big proposal scene in it. However, this proposal totally goes down the crapper. But, in order to really get a good payoff from the clusterfuckation, I want the proposal itself to be awesome.

Perfect, even.

So far I’ve decided that, in my mind at least, there are two things necessary for a perfect proposal.

1) It has to be very personal.

2) It has to be a surprise.

Personal shouldn’t be a problem. When I am into a chica, I remember EVERYTHING. It is crazy. 3rd grade teacher’s name. First pet. If she tells me, it sticks.

And yet I refer to everybody else (male or female) as “dude” because I can’t be bothered to even remember their name.

My brain is a scary place.

Also, I think I am pretty decent at applying said gobs of information to gift-giving — or , at least in theory, to proposal-planning — situations.

(I think I may have just wore out my “-” key.)

Now, the surprise part seems like it would be a bit dicier.

Firstly, that would mean that I’m picking out a ring.

And this would have to be by myself. If I received input from her friends or relatives, then I couldn’t take full credit.

I’m taking full credit, people.

But, hopefully, studying her jewelry and paying attention to her style and tastes for our entire relationship will give me the guidance needed.

I think I can do it.


I do have some concerns about my own ability to keep it all under my chapeau. In general, I can keep a secret like the bastard lovechild of a mobster and CIA agent. But, when it comes to presents, I get a little…

“I know something you don’t know. Tee hee hee hee.”

With manly giggles, of course.

My biggest fear is getting the right ring size without tipping her off.

I’ve given this much thought.

I’ve considered using my stealth-like stealthiness to measure her finger with a piece of string while she slept.

I’ve considered the possibility of stealing an old ring from a jewelry box. But, what if it is an old ring because it doesn’t fit anymore? I don’t have to tell you that would be quite a kick in the jiggers.

I’ve even given some thought to “accidentally” lopping her finger off while cutting vegetables, sneakily measuring it, then packing it in ice and rushing her to the hospital. But, what if we hit traffic and she lost her finger forever? I’m guessing that homegirl would be maaaaaaad.

Needless to say, that this part of the plan is still a work in progress.

You know, I also have no idea which hand the ring goes on.


That seems like something I should figure out, eh?

Especially before any finger-lopping takes place.

0 thoughts on “Engaging…

  1. Oh fear not, once you get to talking about an engagement, she will definitely let her ring size slip.

    Hell, M and I even went ring shopping together and yet I was floored by the surprise of his proposal.

    No finger lobbing necessary.

  2. I trust you can figure out her ring size. My plan (for my future as-yet-to-be-identified fiance) is that in order to surprise me, he buys the diamond and gets a loaner solitary setting from the jeweler for the proposal. Then we can design a setting together once we’re engaged. Then I know i’m getting a ring we both love and are a part of creating, but he can still surprise me and decide just how big/small it needs to be :)

  3. First, nicely done on realizing that “making it personal” and “making it a surprise” are the most important aspects. There is nothing worse than figuring out a surprise and then having to pretend to be surprised (had to do it for my ex-husband when he asked to marry me… yes… ex). See how important it is?

    Second, maybe just get ring tattoos. No sizing necessary.

  4. You could always buy a couple of plaster casting kits like this one. Tell her that you bought the kit hoping that she would allow you to to cast her boobs because you think it would be sooooo funny to make them into door “knockers”. When she refuses, ask her if you can cast her hand instead (for the coffee table) since you bought the damn kit anyway. You can even do yours as well since you bought enough stuff for two.

    One more thing… measure the finished product right away…I think that stuff shrinks when it dries.

  5. Dude!
    I am sure that when the opportunity arrises, you’ll have the greatest proposal ever. And hopefully you’ll write about it, too.

  6. I had an ex boyfriend like you once…remembered everything I ever told him- EVER. It was sweet, and not quite creepy.

    It’s fabulous that you want to make such an effort. I’m sure girl x will appreciate it.

  7. I think it would be romantic if a guy would go to the trouble of cutting off my finger to get my ring size right. That’s dedication.

  8. Here’s what I think: if my future husband proposes to me in front of a bunch of strangers – like on a billboard on a baseball game (which he’d have to force me to go to) – I will kill him. I think whatever you do, a proposal should be intimate.

    Unless he gets me a really big diamond, and then he can propose where ever the hell he wants.

    I’m sweet like that.

  9. I just stumbled upon your blog, so my apologies for the late comment. However, when my DH proposed, it was a complete surprise and wonderfully personal. I love to tell the story, but I don’t want to take up to much space. However, the ring fit perfectly. I asked him how he knew (because I didn’t even know myself). He said that the jewlrey salesperson told him that her ring finger should be close to the same size as her shoe. I wear a size 7 – he bought me a size 7 ring – PERFECT! May not work for everyone, but it’s a starting point.

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