Dispatch From The Front
This’ll be the post where you’ll probably notice that as the little twerps wear Uncle Pete down, he becomes less and less able to properly tell the story of their many adventures.
I’m just about at the “Girls funny… Peter tired…” point. But, I’ll try.
Because she had so much fun yesterday morning, the ACN wanted to go see The Monkey at her grandparents’ house pretty much as soon as she got up this morning. Though today I convinced her to take a bath and get dressed. We call that progress where I’m from. And, probably where you’re from too.
This time the visit mostly involved listening to loud music and more eating of string cheese. (First they made Uncle Pete run home for Dora the Explorer cookies — which were quickly waved off — and then to The Monkey’s house for the string cheese.)
At one point, The (ten year old) Monkey was messing around on YouTube. Watching music videos, concert footage, etc. She found some old stuff, including a clip from an episode of “The Ed Sullivan Show.”
She watched and listened for about a minute.
Then she looked at me. Then back at the monitor. And then back at me again, before saying…
“You know… Elvis Presley… he was pretty hot.”
I cracked up.
A few moments later, she was singing an Avril Lavigne song, including a part where she was wondering aloud why her boyfriend doesn’t understand why ONCE A MONTH she doesn’t even want to hold his hand.
I wanted to leave.
When we eventually did, we again took The Monkey with us. That was 11 am. As I am typing this section, at 6:23 pm, the little turd is still here. But, I must admit, she has been pretty awesome with The ACN. Pushing her around in Chair-y. Brushing her hair while they watched “Elmo’s World.” She has been a pretty kickass big cousin.
However, The Monkey is still The Monkey.
A couple of hours ago, she looked at me and said, “I could be a model.” (This was moments after she punctuated one of her many statements to me with an arcing finger snap thingy.) And, like a shot, she was up and out of her chair and strutting around the kitchen.
She walked back and forth, throwing what will eventually be hips from side to side. She tossed her head and made her hair fly with each turn. This went on for about five minutes. The ACN watched and smiled the whole time.
The Monkey asked if it was a good fashion show. The ACN said, “Yeaaah!” Then The Monkey asked me and I said, “It was the best modeling performance I have ever seen… in this house.”
“Good! Now I’ll do an encore!”
“I don’t think we need a –“
“Too bad! Encore!”
It actually turned out to be three — very distinct — encores.
Encore #1 — This one involved a subplot of an evil model manger approaching, as she rushed to put on a button-up shirt (over the two shirts she was already wearing.) And it included the classic quote, “She couldn’t even get her shirt on… she must have been on drugs.”
Encore #2 — This one was completely in French. While The Monkey IS bilingual, she mostly said, “Oh, mon dieu” while putting her long hair up on top of her head and pouting her lips.
Encore #3 — With running commentary that included, “This one starts slow… but then it turns to ROCK!” A quick few steps, a power turn… and then she began singing “Smack That.” Yes, THAT is the one I mean.
To be honest, even if there had been an Encore #4 that involved her hitting me with a rolling pin, I would still like the little shit. A few hours earlier, she invited The ACN to go visit her kitty cat named “Cassie.” The ACN was very excited, so we went over. The Monkey repeatedly held the kitty up with one hand, taking The ACN’s left hand in the other and helping her pet it. All while The ACN flashed the biggest, cutest, happiest smile I have ever seen.
Girls funny… and sweet.